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The Oxford Comma wars are over!

So men, It’s come to this. War between our two schools of thought Years from now, they’ll call this war… For years, linguists, grammar nerds, and pedants have battled over the Oxford comma In a series of three or more items, should there be a comma after the penultimate item? Or… Meh Two schools of thought: The pro Oxford Commanists. and the anti commas meet today to finally decide its fate The Oxford Commanists have made their arguments known It avoids confusion, If I say: Without that comma, it implies Obama and Trump are part of the gang! How do they not get it!? COMMA! Hah! The same tired argument! We get it from context!

We know Obama and Trump aren’t in a gang so it’s redundant! NO COMMA! Isn’t it strange that we as Americans Fight FOR the ‘Oxford’ comma While the British and their media fight against it Is it just the name “Oxford”? If it were called the ‘Delaware comma’, Would it have this much support? I guarantee you it would not! And so, we must fight to the death To decide if the Oxford Comma dies, Or lives on forever in all its glory! COMMA! There is a consensus on this That that extra comma is pedantic and prissy Hah! You’re saying the queen is an Oxford man and a poet!

Even with an Oxford Comma there, The previous coma doesn’t necessarily stop the Queen from being an Oxford man Enough! Now we settle this! Prepare to die, Oxford Commanist! Actually, sir, I didn’t agree to come and fight So I need to leave! Johnson, what is this nonsense!? You signed a contract to fight! Ah but no sir, If you read the contract, It specifically stipulates that our activities would be limited to: Yes, exactly. You signed a contract agreeing to be shipped to war and you were shipped to war. Congratulations, Johnson you can read No no no. See in that clause, it specifically states: “Training for combat or being shipped to war” I only signed up for training, not actual war!

I’m with them on this! If you actually wanted us to fight in the war you should have used that Oxford comma to show two separate things Johnson I grant you that perhaps in contracts it’s necessary to avoid confusion, but Let’s not forget what this fight is really about The Oxford Comma… It clogs up writing! Enough! Prepare to die, Oxford Commanists! Wait What? You didn’t put a comma between “red white and blue” Of course not. It seems less free! And America is all about freedom baby! What?! I’m going to say: Do you hear how that sounds?

Do you HEAR how that sounds!? But wait! If I can make an exception, and you can make an exception, Why can’t we all just get along?! Co-exist in this grammatical whirlwind of a language I guess we could just use it when it improves clarity And perhaps we should use it to avoid confusion particularly in contracts And not be dicks about it Yes. Exactly. After all it is just one comma I love you I love you, I love you, friend I love you too, bud.