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Win ANY Argument like Kellyanne

Today Barack Obama came out and said British people smell funky. Does he really have a deep-seated hatred towards British people? Barack Obama got up there and commended, and got up there and said some of the nicest things, I’ve ever heard about British people. Yet, you’re focusing on the one diss. That wasn’t that good. I can do better.

I’m continuing to learn about politics and in this lesson we’re going to learn about “spin”. Basically, it teaches you how to win any argument, even when you’ve been proved wrong. So Aaron, what’s “spin”. “Spin” refers to a presentation of the facts that might not be the most direct presentation of the facts. Let’s say this mustard dispenser is reality and we might be seeing the same thing but we’re seeing two totally different sides of reality so by spinning it, I’m showing you the reality I’m imagining. And I’m seeing an alternative reality! See what I did?

You’re saying it’s a “falsehood” and they’re giving Sean Spicer ,our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that. But the point remains- Wait a minute! “Alternative facts”? Let’s say something bad happens. You don’t necessarily want to get up on a stage and tell everybody “something bad just happened”. So you put your spin on it to make it sound like it was a good thing. So, an example, we can we can play a game. So you tell me something awful that might happen and I’ll spin it back to you so it sounds good. Okay, so let’s get into character. Of course you’ll be Kellyanne Conway. Perfect! I have the hair. Okay, so you’re gonna have to defend the president’s actions here. So the first one, “The president killed my dog”. The president just saved you a ton of money on dog food. Okay Kelly, put your spin on this one. The president just came out and publicly said that he hates newborn babies. We right now have a president who has shown more appreciation for adults than we’ve ever seen before. Well, I mean, I feel like right now we’re kind of, somehow being unfair to Kellyanne Conway because really it’s both parties spin.

So let’s say there’s a presidential debate between Hillary and Trump. Afterwards, the news stations are gonna interview the communications staff from both campaigns and the room that those interviews are held in is known as “The spin room”. Oh join us afterwards for “The spin room”. Yes. Really? I was joking! No, no, it would be like “now that we’ve heard from the candidates. Now let’s hear what their campaigns have to say in the spin room. “In the so called ‘spin room”, “The spin room”, the spin you put on something that happens. It says more about your presidency than what you actually do. I like playing the game. Wanna do another one? Keep throwing stuff my way.

Okay, let’s, let’s adapt this to real life. Okay, let’s do this one. You’ve definitely been caught out in a lie. You go to work and you’re late, everyone knows that you’re late. You say “I’m sorry my dog was sick, I had to take him to the vet. It was an emergency. It couldn’t be avoided”. Your boss says, “I was in the bar last night” and I saw you drinking heavily. I know that you’re just hungover. You’re a very smart man. You’re saying I am? Or “The boss” is? The boss, yes. Am I hungover? This is fully irrelevant to this discussion, fully irrelevant. You’re, you’re correct in certain ways but I think we need to focus on the real issue which is a corporate culture that makes it very very hard for somebody for an individual to thrive. And I am fully dedicated to working with you as much as we need to do to kind of figure out how to have a healthier and stronger culture for all of us to kind of thrive in and all of us to do our best work in and I mean, if I look like shit you look like shit. So let’s figure out a way to kind of partner together and both smell like fucking roses.

That was like poetry of arguing. So I think we get it. It seems to me that the idea is to shift focus and also, if possible, shift blame. Exactly so it’s deflect. So that one was a full deflection where it’s I was so caught. That like if I were to say I wasn’t caught, you would laugh me out of the room. It was so bad, I need to agree with you because obviously if I’m agreeing with you if you like it, it’s good, it’s healthy. And I’ve noticed you also throw in a good compliment here and there. Oh of course.

Okay, try one on me. I wanna try this. I know, we’re roommates. I come home with three pieces left of my mama’s famous meatballs. Three of my mama’s famous meatballs left. I write “Aaron, no eating!”. I come home from work one day, the meatballs are gone. There’s a tomato sauce stain on your shirt. Okay, oh, look we can discuss who ate what but I think the real focus here needs to be on our friendship and also our living situation. Every week I pay rent on time. I’m always very clean, we can both agree there and you’re a very handsome man and I just thought “Wow! Isn’t it great that we such good friends?!” I would have thrown in “I think your mother would have wanted me to have some”. And she’s a great cook. That would’ve been genius! Yes, but otherwise that was great. But essentially, you kind of got the gist of it where you, you shift slightly away from like the focus and you bring up other things. So it’s like you bringing up the friendship the roommate, I was like “You ARE a good room mate!” This fictional apartment we share together is fucking clean! So thank you Aaron, I think I’m ready for, for politics now. Keep in mind, neither of us lied once.