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Hello there, Kevin here with another episode of the Feel Good English podcast. The podcast that helps you become a super bad ass and helps your English also become super bad ass.

So imagine this. Your teenage daughter comes home late at night and she hasn’t done her homework. So what would you normally do? Well, as a parent, if you are a parent, you would get mad at her, yell at her, she would run to her room, close the door, turn on the music and cry and her homework wouldn’t get done. You would create a fight and it would be over.

Well, this book that I am going to talk about called Magic Words by Tim David. Gives you strategies on using certain words, he calls these magic words, that can help you communicate better and to get things done more efficiently.

The way you communicate with people is important and nobody wants to be forced to do things. If you try to force people to do things, they think they’re being bossed around and nobody wants to be bossed around. So motivating others through the words that you use is the key. And for you English learners this can be great because you can simplify things that you need to say if you use the right words.

So in this lesson I am going to give you a few of the strategies the author gives in the book, Magic Words and I’ll tell you how to apply them so you too can become a better communicator.

If you want a transcript of this episode, go to feelgoodenglish.com, that’s my website, the name is the same as the podcast, which makes sense. Go there, you can become a member, you can get free transcripts to all of the episodes that I make them for. So go check out feelgoodenglish.com, I will see you there. Let’s get into the lesson.

So the first word, the first magic word, and by the way, the author was a magician, he was a magician before he became a public speaker and author and he learned a lot about communication and connecting with audiences through being a performer.

And the first magic word he talks about is “Yes”, the word yes. And he says this is the most important, the most powerful word you can use with people. And on the opposite end of that, “No” is the word you should avoid the most. And so why is “Yes” so powerful?

Well, it’s actually ingrained into our genetics, a survival method we’ve used for however long we have been around for, is connecting with others, is being accepted and connecting with others in our group, in our tribe. And when we say yes to each other, it means we are accepting them, so yes makes us feel accepted and safe because it helps us connect with others. So it’s a survival method.

And so when we are going to use the word yes, we say yes all the time but we probably want to hear yes more often. When you ask people questions, or when you want people to do things for you, try to ask them the question that they would either have to say yes or no to.

An example, if you say “I need your help with this problem.” The other person can’t say yes or no, they might say “Okay I’ll help you” or “Okay I guess so” or they’ll say “Screw you, don’t ask me for another favor, go away.”

But, you could also ask them, “Hey, can you help me with this, please?” Then all of a sudden you give them the chance to say yes, so they can say yes you which makes them feel good and which helps them connect with you. So asking questions which require a yes or no response can help you get people to work with you more.

Another strategy with yes and I have used this before and it actually kind of works is when you’re trying to ask somebody to do something big, let’s say you are a salesman, let’s say for example you’re selling software to somebody, and the software is expensive and you need them to agree to buy the software, first try to get them to say yes to a few different things, some smaller requests.

Or how about, “Hey, you guys have problems with this system?” They would say “Yes.” You say, “Well, wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to go through these steps to get this process done?” And they would say “Yes.” After that you could start asking them bigger question, “Have you ever heard of the software? Well, we have a solution for you, would you like to see it?”

And getting them to say yes at least three times and this actually has proven through research, if you get people to say yes to menial, to small things, three times before you ask them a big question, it might be easier for them to say yes to the big question. So you’re kind of tricking them, but you know if you have something of value to offer, tricking them can be a good way, tricking them into buying what you have of value, that’s called marketing, right?

So, anyway, use yes, try to get people to say yes a few times before the big yes is needed.

Another strategy and this is the second magic word, is using the person’s name when you are asking them to do something or when you want to really get their attention. Say their name first and this just subconsciously grabs their attention. So when you say somebody’s name and then you say what you want; so for example if you had a favor for somebody, you would say “Hey, John, I need some help, this is too tough.” Or “Hey Susie, don’t come home late at night, that’s not a good thing.”

Also, when you use somebody’s name they feel more important because they hear their name so they feel more important subconsciously. Very easy idea here, but just try to say somebody’s name when you’re asking them to do something or when you want their attention.

This also helps me remember people’s names. I have a hard time remembering people’s names sometimes when I first meet them, but if I say their name as many times as I can while I am introducing myself or them or talking about them, it can help me remember their name. So that’s another side note there.

Number three, the third word is the use of the word “But.” Not that butt, but. B-U-T, It’s called the but enhancer, I think I said but enough. So using the word but, a conjunction, but, it connects a sentence “I went there but I didn’t like it.” That but, okay so let’s stop thinking about the other butt.

“But” decreases the impact of the phrase that came before it.

So whatever you say first has less importance, has this impact if you say but after it. So what you’re going to do is start with the information that’s less important or that you want them to forget and then after the but, comes the most important information.

For example at the doctor’s office they would say “Hey, I am going to give you a shot now in your face but just look outside and try to relax.” Well, you might still be a little nervous but you’ll be looking out the window and relaxing.

See how I used “but” there?

Or another example, you go to your friend and you say “Hey, sorry man, last night I accidentally got drunk and slept with your wife, but she said she didn’t like it, so don’t worry.”

That’s a bad example, but you see how that works.

And the last one I’m going to talk about is probably my favorite word, it’s the first word I learn when I’m learning a new language, when I go to a new country it’s the word that I learn first, it’s also word that I use in English lot, I think it’s a very important word, one of the most important words. And this simple word is “Thanks.”

The word thanks is my favorite word. So, I say thanks a lot. Thanks to people that do something for me. Even after getting paid, Even if it’s a bus driver. I get off the bus and I say thanks beacuse they’re doing something for me. Thanks makes people feel good. If you have company and your employees are doing the same thing over and over and over, make sure you say thanks to them. Make sure they feel appreciated. If your boss does nice things for you, make sure you say thanks. Thanks makes people feel appreciated. It makes them feel good.

And that’s it from this book. Summarizing, communication is the anchor of any kind of human interaction. If you want others to work with you, you need to build strong connections with them and use these magic words that I just talked about to help build strong connections. Say yes more, avoid using nos and negative words, use the butt enhancer to enhance your butt. No, I’m sorry. Use the but to put the most important message the second part of the phrase so they might with a little bit about the first part of the phrase.

And say thanks, say thank you to people, there’s no harm in that, it doesn’t cost you anything.

Words are simple but they have an incredible amount of power when you use them correctly. That’s the main point.

So use these words correctly.

However, obviously sometimes you need to say no. If somebody is taking advantage of you, or there’s a really strong situation where you need to stand your ground and say no to something, of course you can do that, that’s not what I am saying.

But this is more about communicating, motivating people, getting people to do things through using the power of yes, through giving them good news and bad news and putting them in the right order, the bad news first but the good news, like that. And just being appreciative and saying thanks to people so they know that you appreciate what they do for you.

Okay, I hope this helps and like I said, simplifying your English, you don’t have to say a lot of words, find the correct words. Your actions and emotions and your body language speak the loudest anyway, so don’t worry about using the exact correct words all the time, use the right words, say them in the right way, be grateful and appreciative and keep on smiling.

Again, if you want the transcript to this episode, go to feelgoodenglish.com. Any questions for me, go to the website or you can message me at

kevin@feelgoodenglish.com, I am there waiting for you so you better hurry, send me a message.

And your culturally specific joke for the day. A customer was furious when his steak arrived too rare. “Waiter!” He shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say well-done?” And the waiter said, “I can’t thank you enough sir, we hardly ever get compliments here.”

See you next time. you enough sir, we hardly ever get compliments here.”

See you next time.