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060 - How To Reprogram Your Life

Hello there, Kevin here with another episode of the Feel Good English podcast, the only podcast in the world that is helping you become a more fluent English speaker and a more fluent person; more fluent at life, business and with relationships.

Have you ever heard of NLP? NLP means neuro-linguistic programming. Are we talking about computers? No, we are talking about our brains and our bodies.

Neuro-linguistic programming deals with how our minds and bodies are connected, how our emotions work, how we see the world, everybody sees the world differently, and our experiences and the way we communicate with other people is completely based on our own map of how we have learned about the world.

If you find yourself living in and thinking about the past too much, or maybe you procrastinate and you never seem to be able to get ahead of the projects that you want to get done, you are always doing them at the last minute, if you feel sad a lot, you are depressed a lot, maybe you start new habits, but then you soon give up, you soon quit.

Are you in sales, you need to know how to communicate better with people to sell more. NLP s directly works with how to influence people.

Or maybe you don’t have a lot of confidence when you are around other people, it could be speaking English, it could be in business, in life, whatever that may be, NLP can help you with all of this.

Some of you might find this very interesting and then you should go read the book, you should get deeper with this topic you probably would even find some courses in your city. NLP is recognized internationally. So that is what we are going to talk How To Reprogram Your Life

• “The Ultimate Introduction

to NLP” by Richard Bandler

LISTEN HERE

about today.

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Now let’s get into the lesson on neuro-lingusitic programming, NLP.

So first of all let me give you a little break down of what NLP means.

The “N” in NLP stands for neuro. And each of us has established our own unique way of looking at things, our unique way of filtering the information that we see around us.

All of the information that we see is filtered through our own personal conditioning, meaning how we’ve been raised and what we believe, our values. We all have different values and beliefs and so everything, all of the stuff around us is filtered through our own personal beliefs,

Think about it. Do you ever argue with people about different things and these people might be very close to you and you like them a lot but they have different opinions about certain things and they see things totally different than you. Are you right? Are they wrong? Or vice versa? No, that’s the way they see the world.

So everything that we see and everything that we come across in a day is filtered through our own neuro processing, right? So that’s the first part of NLP The second is linguistic and you being an English learner out there this is quite interesting. So all of this stimulus that comes through us in the way that we deal with the world, in the way that we filter information, that needs to be expressed and we express it through our linguistic means, through language, through body language.

So lingusitic part of NLP deals with how we communicate what we process in our brains.

The “P” in NLP stands for programming. Behaviours, habits and attitudes are formed as a result of the information you take in throughout your life and the influence of those around you.

So these are habits and habits are created through repetition. So brains create pathways or connections, neural pathways when you do something repetitively. So the way that you eat, the way that you spend your day, your habits, your workout routine, all of this becomes pathways in your brain, these connections, these automatic connections.

These can be positive or negative. But the thing about NLP is we are trying to change negative pathways and to build positive pathways in our minds.

I am going to talk about two techniques in NLP. There are several, and these are just two techniques to give you an idea of how this system works. If you have never heard of this, this will be very new for you, these ideas and the ways that NLP can change your behaviours.

It might be even a little strange and not make much sense, however I have tested some of these techniques before and have seen some results.

Now I haven’t gone deep into this to really see big changes. However, I have taken and introductory course and have tested it on myself and some other people and I have seen results. So it’s really really cool.

So the two techniques I am going to talk about are, number one, anchoring and number two, matching.

Number one, anchoring. An anchor, the literal meaning of anchor is that thing on a boat. So let’s say you are on a big boat and you throw that really heavy piece of metal or steel into the ocean or into the water that goes all the way down to the bottom and holds the boat in one place.

So it is a big piece, a heavy piece of material tied to a rope, you throw that in the water, it goes all the way to the ground under the water and the boat doesn’t move. That’s an anchor. So an anchor is something that connects the base to something above it. And in NLP, an anchor is an action or a movement or a thought that you are going to do that will be the base or that will connect you to an emotion.

Does that make sense?

We are going to do something and that will create an emotion instantly. So we are able to create emotions whenever we want. If we want to feel happy, we can use an anchor to feel happy, if we want to feel confident, we can use an anchor to feel confident. We are in a situation where we are very nervous, we use this anchor and we all of a sudden have confidence in that situation.

A little confused? Let me explain this a little more.

So let’s say we have to give a presentation in English. We are very nervous about this, we are feeling scared, we are not sure if we are going to be able to do it well.

We are going to do it in English, we are going to miss words, everybody is going to be looking at us judging us, our boss is going to be there, we are really nervous about the situation.

NLP would create this anchor system before you have to give the presentation so you can get into the situation, and automatically feel more confident. So what we would do, we would think about when we felt really confident, some other time in your life when you felt really, really confident and you rocked it, you felt comfortable, you had a presentation in your own language, whatever that may be, but you felt great and you did a really good job. I am sure you can think of something that you’ve done in the past when you just killed it.

So we get into the state, we shut our eyes, we think about this deeply and we get really really into the situation; where you were, what it felt like, the room, how it smelled, who was around you, all of these little details and you really put yourself into the situation.

Then, once we get to the situation, we are really really feeling as if we were there, we are going to create an anchor that matches this emotion. So it could be, let’s say touching a part of your hand, or you are going to touch your leg on the top of your leg or you are going to squeeze your finger.

And this is the anchor we are setting when we are in this emotive, we are in this state, we are in this emotive state. And the idea is, if we do this several times, if we put ourselves into this state and then we use an action that helps us connect with that state, then when we do that action later, we will go back into that state So, you are about to give that presentation in English and you are nervous and you squeeze your finger and those emotions come up from when you felt confident.

And this is the programming aspect.

So we are using the neural aspect, all of these thoughts and emotions and how our brains are working and in a language of how it creates emotions inside of us and how we express that and then programming it, connecting those two through an anchor.

Now there is a lot of specifics if you want to make this work correct, it’s not that easy, there’s courses taught on how to do this, but it gives you an idea of how NLP would work; creating certain actions that we can do to bring up positive, productive emotions. That’s anchoring.

Another technique of NLP is called matching and we are going to match someone else’s communication style in order to influence them or persuade them to do something.

So let’s say you are in sales and you need to sell things to people. You ever tried to sell something to somebody or just convince somebody of something and it just didn’t work right? They were totally in a different place, their body language, their words, their emotions, they just had no interest in what you were saying and vice versa. Maybe you couldn’t connect with them, they were boring you and you were boring to them. Well this is a very unmatched dynamic, a very unmatched situation.

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So in NLP we talk about matching , we are going to match the behaviour, the body language, even the breath of the other person. One of these techniques is to synchronize your breathing with the person that you are talking to. If you are having a conversation with somebody you can notice when their kind of chest goes out, or when their shoulders go up a little bit as when they are breathing in and then when they breath out, they kind of drop a little bit.

So what you can do is try to match their rhythm of breathing. It’s a very subtle thing and they hopefully won’t notice that you are doing that. If they do, they will think you are a creep; but just try to match their breathing, this gets you more connected with them on an emotional level. Try it out.

Have you even been talking to somebody and let’s say you scratch your face and they scratch their face at the same exact time? And like “Well, that was strange.” Maybe you haven’t noticed it, start looking for that.

When you are talking to somebody, see if they automatically match the behaviour that you do, they touch their head, or maybe you do, maybe they touched their head and then all of a sudden you touch your head and say “Whoa, that was strange.”

Somebody is kind of nervous to meet you and so you match their nervousness but then they feel a little more comfortable and then you guys are connected on an emotional level and then you can start bringing in your own emotions. So you want to make them feel excited about buying something and then you subtly start lifting their emotions and getting them excited about buying what you are selling and then you say “Hey, by the way, this will help you, you should buy it.” And they say, “Yeah! Perfect!”

That’s the process of matching someone’s style, bringing them into your own world and then bring the emotions out of them that you want so you can persuade them to do something positive, let’s hope. You could use this negatively too, but we are trying to live a good life. Correct?

So that’s matching, very interesting topic. And I really suggest that if this sounds interesting to you that you go deeper into this NLP idea. And here is something cool, if you want to listen to the audio book, The Ultimate Introduction to NLP, you can actually get the whole audio book for free. Go to my website feelgoodenglish.com/nlp.

So if you deal with people, if you want to be more persuasive with your interactions, if you want to be more confident in social situations, if this idea sounds interesting to you, go listen to the audio book, go deeper into this and start your NLP journey.

So, going over some of the vocabulary from today’s lesson, the first one is a phrasal verb, I used the phrasal verb “deal with”. To “deal with” something it to handle a situation, to take care of a situation; or you could also use it to work with something. I deal with finances, I deal with finances at my job.

Often though we use it to deal with a problem, we need to “deal with” this issue, this issue is causing a lot of problems at our company, we need to “deal with” this.

Another couple of expressions I used together “to rock it” or “to kill it”. “You rocked it yesterday.” “You totally killed it yesterday.” It means to do really well at something. “You killed it man, good job.”

So you can use this expression when somebody does a great job at something at a task or a test or whatever that may be.

“To squeeze” is to apply pressure to something, usually from both sides. So if you take two fingers and you put another finger in the middle and you apply pressure, that is squeezing.

Subtly would be doing something in a subtle way. A strange word that had a “B” in the word but there is absolutely no sound of the “B”, but anyways, to so something subtly is to do something very delicately, very quietly, sometimes people don’t even notice you are doing it if you are doing it subtly.

You could say, “I want you to subtly start convincing the children to go to bed.” Or you could subtly tell your colleague that she needs to arrive to work on time. Don’t be aggressive, don’t be forceful, do it subtly, do it very delicately.

And lastly you will hear after this, an expression “Mumbo jumbo”. “Mumbo jumbo” is an expression when we talk about words or sentences that don’t really make a lot of sense; or often we will use “Mumbo jumbo” if somebody from a certain profession is very confusing in using the words from their profession. “All that medical mumbo jumbo doctors use all that mumbo jumbo but I don’t understand all that mumbo jumbo. Please speak in easier to understand English.” Or your professor who is an English teacher uses a lot of crazy big technical words and academic vocabulary and you just want to understand simple, basic commonly used English. You said, “Hey man, stop with all that stupid mumbo jumbo.” So, that is the lesson for today, I hope you enjoyed it. What do you think? Does NLP sound like something that is interesting to you? Or does it sound just like a bunch of crazy, hippie mumbo jumbo? Either way, at least you can learn some English from today.

Again, if you want the transcripts to this and all other Feel Good English episodes, go to feelgoodenglish.com, become a member, join us, get transcripts and become part of our private Facebook community of positive, life-changing English learners.

The Ultimate Introduction to NLP by Richard Bandler was the topic for today. And how about a salesman joke for you today?

What’s the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesman? The used car salesman know swhen he is lying.

Any software developers out there?

Until next time, be a bad ass. Bye bye.