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108 - Resisting Personal Growth

You’re listening to episode #108 of the Feel Good English podcast, Revisiting Personal Growth.

Hello there, Kevin here. With another episode of the Feel Good English podcast.

The only podcast that helps you not only become a better English speaker, but a better person too!

Now you’re already an awesome person, so better than awesome? Now that’s something worth striving for.

Today I’m going to get a bit personal. I’m going to tell you something that recently happened in my life that could have ended pretty terribly, but instead, the situation turned into a huge life-lesson for me! Thank God.

I recently had a realization that ended months of conflict that I was dealing with. Yes, I too suffer at times, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Suffering can show exactly where we need to change. And what happened to me was definitely life-changing.

I’m going to share with you what was happening in my life that led to this realization, with the hopes of not just giving you something to listen to and to learn new English from, but also to show you how and why you might fall into the same situation that I did, and how to get out of it, or even avoid it.

“Resisting Personal Growth” Episode #108 2

But before I get into that, I do want to remind you that I send out a weekly email based on lessons very similar to this podcast. If you like the podcast, sign up to that list to get a weekly dose of motivation. These emails are sent on Sundays, a great day for some self-reflection.

How do you get on that email list? Just go to feelgoodenglish.com, look for the bear, and join us! The bear is there, he wants to help you, so don’t be scared! Go to feelgoodenglish.com to join my free weekly newsletter.

See ya there, now let’s get into today’s lesson about life. My life, actually.

I would not consider myself the most athletic person, but I have always considered exercising vital to living a well-balanced life. I don’t love working out, but I love the way it makes me feel.

Several months ago, however, I stopped exercising completely. I had started going to the gym less and less, until I completely stopped caring.

And that’s what started a downward spiral!

From June through August I pretty much did zero exercising. I might have gone to the gym once or twice over a three month period, but basically zero.

And that’s not good for anyone.

Before I had completely stopped working out, I also tried working out at home because I thought it’d be much easier to do daily workouts if I could do them from the comfort of my home. And I did follow a home-workout routine for a few months, and was enjoying it and how convenient it was, but I also started to gradually do these workouts less and less too. I guess I was just losing any sort of motivation to work out.

It was very easy to justify my lack of exercising by saying that I was just too busy now, but in the near future I would create more time for the gym.

“Health will come later”, I thought. I’ll work really hard now which will free up time for exercising later.

But it didn’t take long before I started to slip into other bad habits too.

I wasn’t eating so well. I was eating more junk food than I should have.

Drinking more beer than I should have. And we all know what beer causes. A beer belly!

I found myself with less energy too. I started feeling like a bum. Lower selfesteem, moody, less happy, and I was even beginning to not like how I looked. I was stuck in a rut.

One thing that kinda shocked me; I was interviewed on someone else’s Youtube channel and after seeing myself on camera I could literally see how out of shape I looked! Swollen face, baggy eyes, chubby cheeks, hahah.

That is a terrible feeling.

And here’s the kicker. The worst part. Or maybe, in hindsight, it was the best part.

My wife is extremely fit. She usually goes to the gym twice a day, she won a fitness bikini competition this year, and controls her diet as much as anyone could control their diet.

But I was living the opposite way. Now there wasn’t any pressure from my wife for me to get back on track with my health, but I always felt an underlying pressure to kind of keep up with the level of health she maintained.

But I was falling farther and farther behind.

I was living like a loser when it came to health. I put all my energy into work, and left no will power for healthy life choices.

McDonald’s became more common as a meal, and my gym shoes got dustier and dustier. Just picture a guy on the couch, belly sticking out, feet up in the air, tv remote in hand.

Now she, my wife, wasn’t always this fit. We used to enjoy going out quite a bit. We’d drink beer, eat fried appetizers, sandwiches, burgers, pizza, all that good stuff. The US is full of it, by the way.

But over the last year or so, my wife became much more focused on her health and body, and has become a great example of what diet and exercise can do for your body, mind, and spirit.

She went through a transformation for sure. This transformation included giving up food as entertainment, giving up alcohol, and basically she lost interest in eating out in general. Something we really used to enjoy together!

And I, poor me, started getting bored. I wanted to go out and enjoy those things I was so used to enjoying. And it was my wife’s fault, right? She got healthy, and didn’t want to fill her body with so much junk food. And being that she has another fitness competition coming up, she still has to follow an extremely rigid routine. So no bars and fried apps! No drinking, no going out at all!

I started blaming her, my wife, for my boredom. For my lack of energy.

Because we used to enjoy our weekends together for so many years doing the same thing, restaurants, bars, beers, wine, desserts, etc., I felt like she had taken something away from me. She had taken my fun.

And I found myself often angry that we couldn’t do these things. I was left to watch her buy healthy food, be alone while she was at the gym, and generally we just didn’t have fun they way we used to.

We got into fights more often. “Why aren’t you fun anymore?” I’d ask. How am I supposed to enjoy the weekend when you can’t go out and enjoy it?

It was actually getting pretty serious. And something had to change.

I faced a turning point. I could feel that something had to change and wasn’t sure what that was. My initial reaction was to expect that my wife would change, or “change back”, to the way we used to live.

But I knew there was something wrong about the way I was thinking. She was living a healthier life, enjoying her lifestyle, routine and way of living, while I was stagnant, trying to hold onto my old ways. One of us was being healthy, and the other one wasn’t. That other one was me.

One recent Sunday afternoon we were arguing, as usual, because I was bored, and we didn’t have any plans. I started to blame her lifestyle, her not wanting to go out, for my boredom.

I criticized her, words were exchanged like “maybe we’re just not supposed to be together.” Yeah, it got that bad. But that is the last thing that I wanted to happen, to lose her. But I felt stuck. She felt stuck.

I’m going to tell you something that might surprise you, or maybe it won’t.

But I create this podcast for me as much as I do for you. I’m so grateful for the fact that I can continue to grow, personally grow, and have created a platform where I can share what I’ve learned with you. Share these lessons with people from all over the world, people that aren’t native English speakers, to help bring transformation in their lives as well.

And I know that what I did that recent Sunday afternoon, after fighting with my wife, was only possible because of my desire to be a better version of myself, my desire to learn how to deal with life’s obstacles in a more constructive, positive, loving way. Thank you for being here, for listening to this podcast. Yes, I’m talking to you.

So I took a small step that day, that recent Sunday afternoon, that changed everything. Transformation happened within a matter of minutes.

After getting real frustrated, I was full of resentment towards my wife, I faced a turning point. I could either storm out of the apartment and go feel sorry for myself, or I could choose another option.

Want to know one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself in life? One that can lead you in the right direction, always? When you feel stuck, uncertain of which direction to take, like I did that day, ask yourself this… “What would love do?” Again, ask yourself the question “what would love do” and see what happens. Look for the answer in that question. It’s so powerful!

So I asked myself that question, and I was shown the next step. Most of the time we have all the answers to our problems already, we just have to listen.

And I was shown the next step I had to take. A small step. And what was that small step? I went to the gym. By myself, on that Sunday afternoon, but I went. I chose health. I chose love.

My wife had already gone that day, of course. And, it was all I could think of doing at that time. I could’ve called a friend and gone to a bar, or just driven around, typical ways I was used to doing things, but I knew I needed to change something.

But it wasn’t going to the gym that changed everything. It was at the gym that I had a huge revelation. A revelation that transformed the way I had been dealing with everything that had been going on. My eyes were opened up to a whole new level of self-awareness.

And that revelation was this….

I was resisting change. More specifically, I was resisting a positive change. I was resisting personal growth.

Humans are hardwired to resist change. We evolved, or our brains evolved, to look for safe, comfortable environments. And even today, I think we want to keep things the way they are. We try hard to avoid pain, suffering.

We try hard to avoid big changes.

While I was at the gym that day, running on the treadmill, running on the treadmill, I thought, “my wife is obviously on a path that makes her happy. She’s been feeling great, looking even greater, and then there was me, not working out, getting pissed that we couldn’t get junk food together like we used to. I must be doing something wrong here!

And I decided that very minute that I was going to stop resisting what could be a very valuable change for me. A change that had been screaming my name for months!

Because what’s more valuable in the long run? Enjoying a Sunday at a restaurant, or taking sometime, some months, some years, to focus on my health and well-being, and even more so, supporting my wife on her journey?

I took full responsibility for the situation. Repeating that, I took full responsibility for the situation. I decided it was time to change. Time to move forward in life, and stop trying to hold onto old habits. Habits I had had for the last 15 or so years. And more than anything, it was time to stop blaming others for my own lack of courage. Courage to make a necessary change.

And after this realization I instantly felt lighter. Happier. Freer! I had found some freedom.

I didn’t work out that hard that day, just enough to feel good about it. And I did this intentionally too. I really believe the best way to start something new, or return to something, is to start small. Especially with fitness. Start small, let your body adapt. Enjoy what you’re doing, at least a little bit.

Anyway, after the gym I went home and apologized to my wife for blaming her for my resistance to change. She loved it, of course, and butterflies started flying around us, and birds started singing! It was magic.

Ok, maybe that didn’t happen, but it felt great. Taking responsibility for my emotions, my problems, my life, brought me, brought us, instant relief.

I am now going to the gym 4 times a week. I go with my wife when I can, weekends we go together, for example, and I don’t feel that going out for a pizza and a beer is priority. We will have plenty of time in the future for pizza and beer, and going out for that kind of stuff after working out feels much better, doesn’t it?

I’m feeling better, starting to look better already too. I’m feeling goood, for sure.

Why do we resist change? Why do we avoid doing the right thing, or at least the right thing if we want to live a better life, if we want to continue to grow.

It took me a few months of me fighting myself, resisting something that was the obvious right choice. By accepting change I will improve the health of not only myself, but my relationship as well. And fortunately I was able to see this before it was too late.

So what about you? Stop to think for a minute about an area in your life where you might be resisting change. A sure way to know where you are resisting is if you find yourself blaming someone else for something that you want to happen in your life. Is there anything going on like that? Think about it. No really, take a minute to think about it.

There are very reasonable reasons, reasonable reasons, we resist change. To help you notice possible resistance in your own life, I’m going to list two reasons why we do resist what can often be positive change.

The first reason, which is pretty damn relevant to my situation, and that reason is change isn’t always enjoyable.

When you are making major changes in your life, whether it has been decided by you or someone else, there are going to be adjustment periods and there is often going to be hard work required. During these changes, there is not always a lot of fun to be had. The ability to delay gratification until the change is complete is essential. The inability to delay gratification is one of the major reasons that people resist change.

Keep your eye on the bigger picture.

Second reason, is the inability to start. You know you want to change something and you know that you will benefit from the change but you resist it might be due to not knowing where to start. You get caught up in the analysis paralysis and fail to set the change in motion.

Brainstorm some simple actions which you can take. Pick one that seems like it might work and give it a try. If it doesn’t work, use the feedback to help select the next option. Once you set the wheels in motion, you will soon find the right path, but this won’t happen unless you take the first step.

And another reason, actually there are three reasons, it’s possible that you do not really want to change. And this can be totally OK too. Self awareness comes into play here. Maybe the change isn’t for you. In my situation, choosing to focus on my health, now if I didn’t want that to happen then well, there would’ve been something wrong with me.

But there are many occasions where you may want to give the impression that you are trying to change something but in reality, you do not want to make the change. There can be different reasons for this. Maybe somebody else is pressuring you into change that you do not want to make. Nobody has the right to pressure you into anything. If you do not want to change, you do not have to. It is best to come clean and acknowledge that you do not want to make the change.

S0 what about with your English? Who is to blame for you not being at the level you’d like to be? You have all the resources you need to become a great English speaker, but sometimes the hardest part is just accepting the fact that your are responsible for your English success.

So take that small step. The necessary step to continue moving forward, to start the process of change. What is that first step? I don’t know, you’ll have to decide on what’s most important to you. But some advice, look for where you are scared, or look for situations that frustrate you. Look for where the resistance is. You might just find the next step there. Actually, if you’re willing to take full responsibility, you will definitely find the next step to take. And I’ll see you on the other side of fear. The good side.

That’s it for today. Thanks for being here, listening to my story. Thanks for giving me a platform to tell you my story and to share these lessons. I do hope it affects you in a positive way.

If you want to get the most value from my podcast I would really recommend that you get the premium lessons. Feel Good Premium Lessons are for members only, and they include full transcript to the episodes, “Resisting Personal Growth” Episode #108 12

definitions and explanations of all the expressions and phrases and advanced vocabulary I used here today, and it’s also a great way for you to support what I do. If you want to show your appreciation for Feel Good English and learn from my best podcast lessons, become a member. Go to www.feelgoodenglish.com/go to learn more.

Until next time, be mature, be a man or woman, and take responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life. See how quickly this makes you feel freer.

And when in doubt about a situation you’re in, ask yourself, what would love do?

Find your freedom, bye bye!