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107 - Loving Your Limitations

Hello there, Kevin here. With another episode of the Feel Good English podcast!

Thanks for being here. Yes, I’m talking to you.

Today’s episode is based on a thought I had.

Because I read so much these days, and because I share what I learn with you on this podcast, I have started to think a little deeper about what I am teaching.

I don’t want to be the guy who tells you that all you need in life is a goal and motivation to reach that goal. That is way too simple. And for most people, reaching our big goals can be much more complicated.

So I think that what I am here to do, at least for now until I completely change my mind, is to ask myself how can I make the lessons from books, that can change your life, more relatable. Relatable so you can actually apply these lessons to your life and see results.

Sometimes we expect amazing, transformational things to happen to us, we expect our lives to replicate what we see online and on tv, but, in general, life is a bit more uneventful, meaning not always exciting. Our lives don’t usually reflect all the amazing things we see in the media.

So instead of trying to make your life, or make my life, look like the lives of those people that do such amazing things, we can look for the lessons to be learned, the lessons found in the little details of their circumstances, that we can apply to and experiment with in our lives.

For example, we often hear stories of people overcoming terrible tragedies. Stories of people who after facing undeniable hardships in their life, went on to do amazing things.

And this is what got me thinking the other day.

A member of my private Facebook group, A Fluent Life, you can join that group too by the way, on Facebook, the group called A Fluent Life, a member posted a video about a guy who had almost died from catching on fire at a festival, his whole body was burnt. But, long story short, he went on to break world records in mountain climbing, even climbing Mt. Everest successfully.

A common way we see these events is to think, “wow, that guy is really fricken amazing. He’s got something special about him.”

We as humans, love the stories of incredible successes. Stories of people doing things that seem impossible.

But I got to thinking, “you know when something terrible happens to someone, this person becomes limited to just what’s in front of them. Their options have been taken away from them. And it seems that it’s exactly because their life becomes limited that their life is transformed.

It’s as if going through something traumatic is the fuel, or you could say the catalyst, that leads to great transformation.

Now I’m not saying we should try to seek out tragedies, don’t do that, please. But what if we could tap into, meaning “utilize”, tap into what these people feel when they are faced with such limitations. These limitations have forced them to be extremely creative, inspired them, and have helped them find a whole new level of motivation.

What can we learn from these stories? And how can we apply what they discovered to our lives without having to go through such a tragic event? Is it even possible?

That’s what I’m going to talk about today, and I found a Ted Talk that I think is very relevant to these questions.

I am going to play some of that talk, and also talk about that talk, and talk more about this subject of how limitations can cause transformation. So, basically I’m going to do some talking.

Ready?

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Now let’s get in to today’s lesson, and let’s listen to Kevin talk about a Ted Talk.

Like I mentioned, after watching a video about a very impressive guy who turned tragedy into triumph, I started thinking about when someone is left with very few options, it seems as if they often become inspired in a way that most of us don’t encounter. They use their challenge to transform their life.

So I started doing some research. i typed into Google, “how limitations cause success” and I came across a Ted Talk from a woman who went through exactly what I’m talking about here. Her typical life became something Ted Talk-worthy only after she experienced a tragedy. She got sick, lost her legs, almost died, and after a long struggle became a very impressive and valuable member of society.

She turned her limitations into creativity.

I’m going to play a bit of her Ted Talk now. Let’s hear her story, and after I’ll bring up some questions we can ask ourselves on this topic of how limitations can lead to creativity.

Let’s go.

At the age of 19, the day after I graduated high school, I moved to a place where it snowed and I became a massage therapist. With this job all I needed were my hands and my massage table by my side and I could go anywhere. For the first time in my life, I felt free, independent and completely in control of my life. That is, until my life took a detour.

I went home from work early one day with what I thought was the flu, and less than 24 hours later I was in the hospital on life support with less than a two percent chance of living. It wasn’t until days later as I lay in a coma that the doctors diagnosed me with bacterial meningitis, a vaccine-preventable blood infection. Over the course of two and a half months I lost my spleen, my kidneys, the hearing in my left ear and both of my legs below the knee.

So Amy was living a pretty good life. She was a massage therapist, a snowboarder, feeling free and independent, but then tragedy struck. She got a virus which almost killed her, and ended up taking both of her legs below the knee.

All of a sudden her life went from what we would consider normal to something that was far from normal. She lost all the independence she once felt she had, and struggled for many months not knowing how to “live” again.

She was in bed and depressed for many months, but eventually, she realized something had to change.

But I knew that in order to move forward, I had to let go of the old Amy and learn to embrace the new Amy. And that is when it dawned on me that I didn’t have to be fivefoot-five anymore. I could be as tall as I wanted! (Laughter) (Applause) Or as short as I wanted, depending on who I was dating. (Laughter) And if I snowboarded again, my feet aren’t going to get cold. (Laughter) And best of all, I thought, I can make my feet the size of all the shoes that are on the sales rack. (Laughter) And I did! So there were benefits here.

Here she talks about when she started to see the positives of her situation. Things she didn’t have, or couldn’t do before her sickness. She started looking at the good things. For example, depending on the size of prosthetic legs she used she could change her height. That’s cool. She wouldn’t have to worry about cold feet anymore, because she didn’t have feet. Very creative of her.

She started looking on the bright side of things. I believe that our brains are incredible machines, and they are able to rationalize almost any situation over a period of “adjustment” time. One of my favorite Ted Talks ever is about synthesizing happiness, how are brains literally work hard to make sure we are happy, in almost any type of situation.

And Amy from the Ted Talk not only adjusted, and adapted to her limitations, but she began to look way beyond her original limitations, her original “borders” as she says.

It was this moment that I asked myself that life-defining question: If my life were a book and I were the author, how would I want the story to go? And I began to daydream. I daydreamed like I did as a little girl and I imagined myself walking gracefully, helping other people through my journey and snowboarding again. And I didn’t just see myself carving down a mountain of powder, I could actually feel it. I could feel the wind against my face and the beat of my racing heart as if it were happening in that very moment. And that is when a new chapter in my life began.

It’s believing in those dreams and facing our fears head-on that allows us to live our lives beyond our limits. And although today is about innovation without borders, I have to say that in my life, innovation has only been possible because of my borders. I’ve learned that borders are where the actual ends, but also where the imagination and the story begins.

Amy fell to such a low point in her life that she thought she had nothing left. But after several months of dealing with this extreme hopelessness she started to turn her life around.

Instead of thinking she had nothing left she started to see the opposite, that her future was limitless! And this is exactly what intrigues me.

How can we find that creativity, that motivation to do amazing things with our lives even when we don’t face terrible tragedies that completely redefine who we are? How can we see transformation without experiencing a life-changing event?

This is the big question I am asking…

Let’s hear more from Amy….

So the thought that I would like to challenge you with today is that maybe instead of looking at our challenges and our limitations as something negative or bad, we can begin to look at them as blessings, magnificent gifts that can be used to ignite our imaginations and help us go further than we ever knew we could go. It’s not about breaking down borders. It’s about pushing off of them and seeing what amazing places they might bring us. Thank you.

So there you have it. Amy challenged you to…. “begin to look at your challenges as blessings, magnificent gifts that can be used to ignite your imaginations and help you go further than you ever knew you could go.”

Very.powerful.words .

Moving along… sometimes this talk of doing BIG things, making amazing things happen can seem a bit empty, or unrealistic.

One skill that I am trying to develop from doing all of these podcast episodes is being able to take big ideas, like Amy’s, and make them more down-to-earth, more relatable for you, and how we can use these lessons in more day-to-day situations.

We all don’t have to change the world, but we sure can change our day, our own world, with the right mindset, correct?

So I ask you this… How can you turn the challenges you face into opportunities?

What challenge in your life comes to mind? What are you struggling with right now, and how could you take that struggle and look for creative solutions? How can you go beyond your current limits? Sometimes just going one tiny step past our limits is all it takes to reach the next level, or find the motivation we’ve been looking for.

Or maybe we aren’t being challenged enough? That’s kinda the point here.

Challenges force us to be more creative, be more driven, so we can get past these hurdles, these obstacles, these challenges.

That’s a big question, so I’ll let you think about it for a minute.

………………..

If you’re listening to this, there is a good chance you are trying to become a stronger English speaker, I assume much of my audience is, so let’s look at that challenge and see what we can come up with.

When I first tried to learn Spanish, here in the US, I wasn’t challenged enough.

Other than the grades my teacher would give me, and they were bad grades, of course, I didn’t feel any desperate need to become a Spanish speaker. I didn’t face any real challenges, at least in my mind.

When I learned Portuguese, however, I put a huge challenge on myself. What was that challenge? Well, I went to Brazil. Even more challenging, I went to a town where there were hardly any English speakers. This town is called Valinhos, by the way.

To be honest, Valinhos is definitely not what I would consider a fun town, there’s not much to do there other than eating sandwiches and drinking beer, oh, and probably the best thing to do there, going to barbecues.

But I wasn’t there to only have fun. I put myself in Brazil, saved up money in the US working two jobs, then quit both of my jobs and said goodbye to my family and friends, because I was determined to learn a foreign language. And by putting limits on myself, like being in a town with very few English speakers, forced me to learn the language. Well, forced me to learn IF I wanted to fully involve myself with the culture and people around me.

I did become a fluent Portuguese speaker. To be honest, I didn’t have to, but I was determined to. It became my biggest goal. So that’s my example of how I put limitations on my life to help me achieve something that was really important to me.

And you might say that being in Brazil, learning Portuguese, was much easier than learning English in your home country? And there are benefits of being surrounded by your target language, but I can also say living in a small town in Brazil, trying to make enough $$ to survive in a foreign country without speaking the language, being by yourself 80% of the time, being far from everyone I knew, including family, these things were challenging. So no, it wasn’t as easy as it might seem.

And learning English in your home country is much more comfortable than turning your life upside down in a foreign country and trying to learn a language.

But it worked for mr. I didn’t give myself an option. I was going to learn a foreign language.

Some of the best students I’ve had, or maybe better than saying my “best students” my most inspiring students, became excellent English speakers not because of their opportunities, but because of their limitations.

They couldn’t afford to go to the best private schools, best language schools, and definitely couldn’t afford to study abroad. But they figured out how to use the resources they had at their disposal to practice with. And they were very creative with their methods.

Here are some examples…

Someone I know used a huge pile of comic books, because that’s all they had, this was before the internet, to study from, and learned English naturally by reading those comic books every day all the time. Comics, fortunately, are a great resource because they use natural conversations. So with very limited resources but a lot of determination, this person learned English.

Another good friend? He would watch tv series and write down every word and expression he didn’t know, then look for the translation in a dictionary or online once he had the internet. His English material was one small book, from a very basic English school. But he studied the hell out of it. He became one of the best speakers I know, especially since he has never left his small Brazilian town. He also diligently seeks out any English speaker that he can practice with. That’s how I met him. He found me and wanted to practice.

Another learner, when she was just starting out, would take lessons she learned in her very basic English school and re-teach them to her stuffed animals at home.

Her toys. Yes that happened. Several years later this person became an amazing English teacher. This person also became my wife. This person is amazing.

So why are these examples valuable?

A lot of you might find yourself with limited resources for English practice. Maybe you don’t have enough $$ for lessons with a private teacher? Or maybe you live in a town with absolutely zero English speakers. Maybe you think you’re too old to learn a new language to fluency, or, a very common limitation… you don’t think you have enough time.

And for those of you with these limits, I want you to think about two things: People have already figured this problem out with a lot less opportunity and options than you currently have. They were forced to become creative because their options were limited. If they could do it, you can too. Repeating that because it’s important, if they could do it, so can you.

Next thing, how can you bring creativity into your challenge? What can you do to work on this problem more effectively? I believe you will find some solutions, sometimes you just need the courage to try new things out. But you do have to take responsibility. The ball is totally in your court.

Now, on the other hand, some of you are probably on the other end of the spectrum. You might have many options to choose from that could help you become a fluent English speaker. You have the time and the $$, you just don’t know what to do with it! That’s a real problem too, believe me.

So maybe you should think this way:

What are the 20% of the English activities you do, or the 20% of the best resources you use to practice with that will bring 80% of the results? Focus on only the most beneficial activities and limit yourself to those. Way back in episode #34 of this podcast I did a lesson on the law of 80/20. Check out episode #34 if you find yourself with too many options and want to learn more about how to know where to focus your energies.

Got it? Gooooood.

So there you have it. I think I gave you something to ponder, and something to build on.

Success often happens because of our limitations, not in spite of them. Creativity only flourishes after we are put into a situation where we must become creative, we must think outside-the-box, if we are going to prosper.

So instead of filling your life with more tools and resources, think about how you can use what you already have to reach your goals. Don’t be scared to limit yourself to only the minimum. And be careful with the excuse of not having enough resources to do what you need to do. Because someone has already done exactly what you want to do with much less than you have.

Thanks for listening to another episode of the Feel Good English podcast. I hope you enjoyed your time here.

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Again, I want to thank you for being here. I’ll be back soon with another episode.

And until then, don’t ever forget that the more times you listen to this episode, the more times you repeat it, the better your English will get. I promise. So repeat it until your ears bleed!! No, that’s too much! Take care of your ears! Repeat this episode to the point right before your ears would start bleeding.

Take care of yourself! Bye bye!