کوین به سوالات کاربران پاسخ می دهد

85 - Kevin Answers Listener Questions

Hello there, Kevin here with another episode of the Feel Good English podcast. The only podcast that is helping you become more fluent in English, and more fluent in life.

Thanks for listening to a new episode and today I’m going to do something different. Something I haven’t done before. I’m going to try something new out. To try out is to experiment.

What I’m going to do is to take a few questions that I have received over the last several months, and answer them here on the podcast. I’m going to do this live, kind of unedited, just kind of being spontaneous here and saying whatever comes to mind. What comes to mind. If something comes to mind it means you think of it at the moment, kind of spontaneously. So I’m going to read the question and give you my advice on them. S

Some of these topics I know a lot about like English learning, language learning. I have been doing that for a long time so I think what I say is pretty valid, and if it’s on other topics some things I might know a little bit about, then I’ll just pretend like I know a lot about it so then you think that I’m an expert in everything, and then other maybe you can take some of this advise and use it, or not. However I hope you do enjoy the episode and I do hope you learn something, at least you are always improving your English right?

So I’m going to get into a few of these questions. Give you some thoughts on these. If you ever have a question, feel free to send me an email, kevin@feelgoodenglish.com. I do read every email. I don’t have Kevin Answers Listener

Questions :)

millions of emails coming in so I can read your emails, so feel free, and if you do want a transcript to this and other Feel Good podcast episodes, go to my website www.feelgoodenglish.com. Why do we say www? Is that even necessary? Aren’t all websites that? Anyway, go to my website feelgoodenglish.com, learn how to become a member and then when you do that you can get transcripts to all episodes, alright?

So let’s get into the episode, Kevin Answers Listener’s Questions.

So I’m not going to say the name of the person that sent in these questions, but if the question sounds familiar maybe you wrote it.

And the first question came in a few months back and the question is, I want to acquire more vocabulary. Sometimes I realize that when you start getting a good amount of vocabulary it gets more and more tough.

It’s harder to keep the same pace as when I didn’t have a good vocabulary. Pace is the speed.

So the guy wants to know how to keep his speed up. How to keep speaking with the same speed when learning more vocabulary. So makes sense to me, think about it. When you are new you only know a few words, so you say those words and you don’t need to spend a lot of time thinking about what vocabulary word to use, because you only know some words, and then the more you learn, the harder it is because you got to think of all the different options that you can use in your vocabulary “database”. There is a quote, and this quote, I don’t know if it comes from Einstein or Sacristies, I think maybe both of them have said that, very smart people, but the quote is “the more you learn the less you know.” You ever heard that quote before and I think this is exactly what is going on here. So the more English you learn, the less it seems like know. So when you are learning something, the deeper you go with it, the more you realize there is to learn, and this is with any subject. When you start out it’s a very superficial knowledge that you are requiring. Just the basics and then the deeper you go the more you realize, there is a lot to learn here.

I guess I can compare to my music that I produce. So I make music on a computer, pretty simple, I do it with headphones. Nothing fancy, meaning nothing special, nothing top quality, but it’s fun and I make songs, and I make them sound pretty good. Now if I wanted to bring this to a studio, say hey would you make this song sound really good, then the studio they would probably spend hours and hours making my song sound much better, doing all of these different things that I had no idea that you could do. Then I would be like wow, I’m terrible. I’m terrible, I make music that doesn’t sound that good. Look at what I could do. So I would get frustrated. So it’s that gap, it’s that space, the gap between where I’m at and where I could be, and it’s frustrating.

But remember and I talk about this a lot in other episodes, that frustrated feeling makes you feel like you

that needed some sound a little bit better. That’s a good step up, a good step forward and I would be learning those techniques, and learn a little bit more and a little bit more and eventually come up to that level of being in a big music studio, but don’t think you can go from where you are, to that big music studio. Don’t think you can go from knowing pretty good English, being intermediate, to being an advanced professor or teacher of English literature in a year. There is a huge amount of knowledge to be learnt there. Doesn’t mean you can’t get there, it just takes time.

So in the case of the English learner that sent in this question, if you find yourself struggling too much find people to talk with, to practice with conversations that are in a nice level you feel pretty comfortable, but you’re challenged just a little bit. It could be the certain type of teacher, or some teachers will be easier to communicate with than others, or it could be a certain type of social gathering. If you are having fun with some Americans or English speakers, and you are having a couple of beers and you feel pretty comfortable, but you are also challenging yourself because you are having conversations with native speakers, that’s a nice level, that sweet spot. So put yourself in the right situation to practice.

And also reconsider why are you doing what you are doing? Maybe you don’t have a clear goal or clear motivation behind what you are doing, and this is getting in the way and maybe you don’t need to be struggling though this, if you don’t even know why you are doing it. So maybe reconsider why you are doing what you are doing.

So again finishing this question, the more you learn the less you know but is that a bad thing?

The next question here, I think this person is from Italy by their email address, it looks like that but, they want to know how they can take their English from good to great.

They get bored studying grammar, they like to watch TV series and movies but it is still difficult for them to understand these movies and TV series without subtitles. There are a lot of words that this person doesn’t know in movies and TV shows, and there is a lot of slang. They want to know how they can go from where they are, which is obviously they speak pretty well, their email was pretty well written, but they want to know how they can better understand TV series and movies without subtitles, and learning all of that slang. And it is challenging. After many years of learning and talking Portuguese, I still would miss a lot of Portuguese in some films and some movies, depending on what I’m watching, and this is a challenge. It’s kind of a test I feel to know how good your target language is. Can you understand movies in that target language, can you understand radio programs, can you understand somebody on the telephone? That can be hard, trying to hear somebody on the telephone when you are trying to do business or something like that. That can be really difficult.

Why can’t you understand English movies 100%? Why can’t you understand TV series 100%? Media, entertainment, they’re definitely focused on a certain type of person, and if you are watching an episode, let’s say you are watching Friends, the very popular TV series. Who is that aimed for? Well by the way aim for, to aim for is to target. It’s a phrase word, to aim for. So who is the show Friends targeting, who is the audience they are aiming for targeting? Let’s say for an older crowd, adults. Not really children. Adults probably from the age of 20 to 40 or whatever. This is a very big international show but it’s made in the US and they have American situations. The biggest thing is it’s based on American culture and there are decades of little things that have happened, expressions, words, references, all these different things that have happened over the years. So let’s say the show Friends is targeted for the people that are around 30 years old. They are going to talk a lot about things from this person’s life. A 30 year old American. So for the last 20 years when they were 10 they watched certain kid’s shows. In their teenage years they listened to specific music, certain events happened in the US during that time. All of these cultural aspects make up entertainment, and that’s what we talk about. So you being from a different country, speaking another new language like English, there is no way in the world, or there’s no way in hell, we can say that, you are going to know everything they are saying in a TV series.

I’ve met English learning that tried to learn every single expression, and tried to understand every single thing that is said in that particular episode, which is a valid way to learn, learn deeply, however every little aspect, every little detail is not going to help you in the future because you will probably never encounter that again, or you will be trying to find situations to talk about that one little aspect, but you will be searching and searching and trying to figure out when can I use this expression, but you won’t be able to. There is such subtle, subtle is a strange word, subtle references and things you find in movies and TV series that you are never going to get 100% of all of them. That’s why if I watch certain things in Portuguese, even still to this day certain Brazilian programs, there are expressions I have never heard before to they talk about a person I have never even heard of before. Maybe they mention a word and I say, what does that mean, and then my wife will say that is a name of somebody, so I had no idea that is a name of a person.

So don’t try to learn every single aspect, however, the question is how do you go from good to great? So if you want to be a great English speaker, you do have to have a very vast vocabulary. You have to have a very vast knowledge of expressions and slang and idioms, phrasal verbs, all of that stuff.

So the biggest thing I can say here is to be comfortable in a language, you don’t have to know every single word that has been made in that language. I’m an English speaker, I don’t know hundreds of thousands of words in the English vocabulary. I don’t know all of those words, however if I’m having a conversation with somebody, I can say “hey what does that mean? Sorry I didn’t get that. Oh, what does that expression mean? Sorry I didn’t get that.” So you ask for clarification. You use your English to guide yourself to understanding. You don’t have to understand everything they’ve said, but you can ask them. Say, “hey what does that mean? I’m sorry I missed that,” or if you’re in a seminar or congress, you’re recording it and later you go back and you look up words or expressions, and you figure out what you missed. Being able to navigate in English (conversations) is key. If you are having a conversation don’t be afraid, and that is another aspect of being confident in situations. You can ask for clarifications. Oh what’s that expression? I’ve never heard that before. If I’m speaking to a Brazilian and they say something, I’m comfortable now to say what does that mean or can you explain that, and often i’ll get it. Sometimes it’s so cultural I still don’t get it and that’s the beauty of culture because we are not all the same. So let’s not try to be right.

So, yeah if you do want to understand everything in a movie or TV series, you are going to have to learn it deeply. You are going to have to watch the same movie a few times. You are going to have to write down the subtitles. You are going to have to learn the expressions and watch it again, and repeat, and learn deeply and some students that I have had do this, and they often come up knowing more than I even know in English. Their expressions, they know expressions that I haven’t even heard of before. So that is an option if you want to do that it’s possible, but it’s not for everybody, but learn deeply if you want to get there, and if not become very good at navigating through conversations. Got it?

Last question here is not at all related to English but I thought it was a great question, and I would like to talk about it a little bit. This person sent into me with a survey. I asked people what their biggest challenge was. So I’m just going to read the biggest challenge because it’s quite fun.

So, “the biggest challenge I’m having right now is that I have to be under the same roof with someone I really hate, my mother in-law.”

So this person is under the same roof, meaning living in the same house, living in the same apartment. If you’re under the same roof you are living in the same place. They are living with their mother in-law.

This person continues “moving out is not an option because in my culture, the eldest sibling, sibling is brother or sister, has a responsibility to take care of their parents. Unfortunately my partner is the eldest sibling”.

So a cultural thing here, a cultural problem, this person is married to somebody and in this person’s culture, the person that they are married to requires them to take care of their parents, because they are the eldest son or daughter. However this person doesn’t really like their mother in-law.

Notice here how I’m using their mother in-law, because I’m not using gender. I don’t want to say he or she, him or her, so in English, the American English especially, we use the pronoun their which is gender neutral. It’s usually plural but here we can use it as gender neutral. Their mother in-law.

So this situation is tough. I can see why it could be a challenge, and what do you do? You are living with your parent, your mother in-law, and you don’t want to. Well, in my opinion I think the priority is your spouse, and your family, your husband or wife and your children. I think personally that should be priority over everything, and going deeper I think the priority first is your husband or wife, second your children, and then after that it could be the rest of your family, friends, whatever, open to interpretation and also putting god in here.God is open to

interpretation. A lot of people would put him first as well, but stepping back here a little bit, going back, moving back a little bit, one thing I’m thinking here though, is if you know this is the situation before you get married to this person, if you know that is how it is going to be because of their culture, there is not a lot you have to say about it, because you already knew what you were getting into, so you have to deal with it.

And I imagine this person is dealing with it because they knew they were getting into it. It doesn’t mean they knew how hard it was going to be, but they are in that situation now.

So what can you do, you’re there? Well some thoughts, first of all, nothing is permanent, things change even though some things take many years, eventually things will be different. Every single situation changes. That’s a fact. So if it’s horrible now, it won’t be around forever.

Also I learned something once from a very smart. He said every person, even the worst of people or people that you think are horrible, there is always the opposite side of that, something very valuable to take from this person. So for every bad in somebody there is a good. Sometimes when people are really bad it’s hard to find that good. It might even be something inside of you that they are bringing out that you need to deal with. If you are angry all the time or you avoid somebody or whatever that negative emotion might be, maybe that’s what that person brings out of you. We need to spend time sometimes searching for that good that somebody might offer. Even if they are horrible, maybe they are not giving much good, but you can find something in yourself that they are bringing out that can be valuable to you.

Another thought, it might help, I don’t know where you live or what kind of situation, if you have a private space, somewhere where you can go and be on your own, you have the right to that space, or if it’s a time maybe you need a night to go out or to go do something, or do something on your own, you have that right, and if your husband or wife complains, oh you can’t do that, say “hey I live with your mother, I think I have the right to my private room in the basement,” or maybe “I think on Thursdays I’m going to go out and hang out with friends. Do something with somebody and know you can come, you can stay here with your mother because I deserve that because I deal with this with you, so you need to give me some of this back” and maybe you can kind of negotiate that way, and if they are not open to any negotiations well then I think that’s a relationship problem there, and somebody needs to lighten up, needs some couples counseling there. Something like that, to figure that out but just summarizing here, difficult situation, I’m not a professional therapist. I have a degree in psychology but I pay attention to life so maybe that gives me some insight, but you know what you decided before you got into it, if you knew the situation, how it was going to be before you committed to getting marrying, well that was your choice and you can’t blame somebody else for that.

Also know your right as a person. If you are sacrificing something of your time, or energy then you have the right to ask for that back. To ask for something back is, to ask for something in return. Kind of compensation, to ask for something back. I want something back in a different way. So be creative and find ways to do that.

And if none of that works, well how about a nice glass of wine.

And that will do it for today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed, a little different style here. Had questions about English, becoming more fluent, more confident. Confidence is key. I always say that. A lot of these issues people have with English comes down to confidence. Being confident even when you are wrong.

And even through a non English question, kind of a family question there, can anybody relate to that out there listening to this? Living with a mother in-law, maybe a father in-law they don’t like, or maybe your partner doesn’t like your father in-law or mother in-law.

Anyway, just to remind you, if you do want a transcript to this to learn everything that I said, go to feelgoodenglish.com, learn how you can become a member. I also have some free transcripts over there. So go to feelgoodenglish.com and get those so you can become a confident, perfect, superstar, English speaker.

And before I let you go, how about a mother in-law joke?

So one cannibal says to the other cannibal, “you know I just can’t stand my mother in-law.” (Can’t stand is to not handle, to hate.) So he says “I just can’t stand my mother in-law” and the other cannibal says, “well why don’t you just eat the vegetables then? “

That’s pretty wrong. See you in the next episode.