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Offending Someone

Welcome to English as a Second Language Podcast number 282: Offending Someone.

This is English as a Second Language Podcast episode 282. I’m your host, Dr. Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in beautiful Los Angeles, California.

Visit our website at eslpod.com and download a Learning Guide for this episode. It contains all of the vocabulary, definitions, sample sentences, additional explanations that you don’t hear on the podcast, cultural notes, and a complete transcript of this episode.

This episode is called “Offending Someone.” “To offend someone” means to make them feel bad or to say something that they don’t like. We’ll hear a dialogue between Eileen and Colin, talking about a joke that one of them thinks is offensive. Let’s get started.

[start of story]

I was telling my friend, Gina, a joke. I began it by saying, “An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into this bar, and…” Suddenly, Gina grabbed my arm and shook her head. I turned around and our coworker, Colin, was standing right behind me.

Eileen: Oh, hi Colin. I didn’t see you standing there.

Colin: I guess you didn’t.

Eileen: I was just telling Gina a joke…

Colin: Yes, I know. I heard. I can’t believe you’re telling off-color jokes, especially at work.

Eileen: I’m really sorry. Please don’t be offended. I didn’t intend to insult you. I know that you’re from Ireland. It was just a joke.

Colin: It may be just a joke to you, but it’s getting a little old to me. I already have a tough time fitting in as an outsider in this company, and I’m really tired of being the butt of jokes around here. Besides, ethnic jokes reinforce stereotypes.

Eileen: Please don’t be angry.

Colin: I’m trying not to be oversensitive. I enjoy a good joke as much as anyone, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. The other day, someone drew a picture of me dressed as a leprechaun and put it in the break room. That wasn’t funny, and neither is this.

Eileen: You’re right. We’re all being a little insensitive. As far as I’m concerned, it won’t happen again.

Colin: I accept your apology and I’ll take you at your word.

Eileen: Can we shake and be friends again?

Colin: Yeah, sure. I guess so.

[end of story]

Our dialogue begins with Eileen telling a joke to her friend, Gina. The joke begins by her saying, “An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into this bar, and…” and then she stops.

The way she begins this joke is actually an old, very typical way of starting what we would call an “ethnic joke.” An “ethnic (ethnic) joke” is a joke about some particular group – some “nationality,” people from a specific country. The formula “There was person ‘A,’ person ‘B,’ and person ‘C’ who walk into this bar” is a very old, traditional formula for starting a joke.

“Ethnic humor,” making jokes about people from Ireland or England or France or another country, have a long history in the U.S. However, in the last 15-20 years or so, it has become less common to hear ethnic humor. This is because people think that it is “offensive,” that it is wrong to tell jokes about other groups.

The exception to this would be if you are a member of that group. It is sometimes considered okay, for example, if you are Chinese, to tell a joke about Chinese because you are one of that particular group. If you are “AfricanAmerican,” or black, it is often considered okay to tell a joke about AfricanAmericans. But it is not okay, and would not be a good idea, at work or in your personal life in the U.S., to tell a joke about another ethnic or racial group, because it is considered by many people to be “offensive,” something that hurts another person.

That doesn’t mean that you won’t still hear jokes like that in movies or on television. It’s probably still common to make jokes about certain European countries: people from Britain, people from France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and so forth. You may still hear some jokes like that, even on television, but they have become much less frequent; much less common.

So, Eileen is telling a joke about someone from Ireland, England, and France – an Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman – and suddenly her friend, Gina, grabs her arm and shakes her head. “To grab” means to reach out quickly with your hand and hold onto something. So, I take my arm and I put it towards you and I put my hand on you – I grab it – I grab your arm. Or, you could grab a thing such as a glass or a cup that was falling from a table; you could grab it before it falls. You reach out with your hand, and you take it in your hand.

In this case, Gina grabs Eileen’s arm and shakes her head – moves her head back and forth – to tell her to stop telling the joke. The reason is that someone that she works with, Colin, is now there with them, and Colin, we find out, is from Ireland.

Eileen says, “Oh, hi Colin. I didn’t see you standing there” – I did not realize that you were there. Colin says, “I guess you didn’t.” Eileen then says, “I was just telling Gina a joke…” And Colin says, “Yes, I know. I heard you.” Colin is upset; he’s angry with Eileen. He uses the expression “I can’t believe.” This is when you are surprised, and perhaps angry about something. Colin says, “I can’t believe you are telling off-color jokes, especially at work.” The expression “offcolor” means not appropriate; inappropriate; something that would not be acceptable to other people. An “off-color comment” or an “off-color joke” is one that would make other people angry, perhaps because you are insulting them or because you are using bad language.

Eileen says that she is sorry. She says to Colin, “Please don’t be offended.” “To be offended” means to be angry; to be upset; to be mad at something that someone else does or says. If someone were to say, “People who don’t have any hair on their head are really stupid,” that would offend me because, you see, I’m bald. I don’t have any hair on my head; so don’t say that to me!

Eileen says, “I didn’t intend to insult you.” “To intend” (intend) means to want to do something; to mean to do something. We might also say, “to do something on purpose” – intentionally. She says, “I didn’t intend” – I didn’t mean to – “insult you.” “To insult (insult) someone” is to say something that would make another person angry.

Colin says, “It may be just a joke to you, but it’s getting a little old to me.” When we say something “is getting a little old,” we mean that you are tired of it; you have heard it many times before or seen it many times before.

Colin says that “I already have a tough time fitting in as an outsider in this company.” “To fit in” (two words) means to become part of something, usually to become part of a group, to make friends and be comfortable with people in a particular group. Colin says he’s having “a tough (tough) time fitting in.” A “tough time” would be a difficult time, when you are having problems.

Colin says he’s “tired of being the butt of jokes around here.” When someone is the “butt” (butt) of jokes, or of a joke, we mean that he or she is the person that everyone is “making fun of,” is laughing at – is telling jokes about.

Colin says, “…ethnic jokes” – jokes about people from a specific nationality or country – “reinforce stereotypes.” A “stereotype” (stereotype) is something that people believe to be true about everyone in a particular group. They believe everyone in the group is the same about this one particular characteristic. This is usually considered something that is considered false or wrong; people think it is true, but it isn’t really true about everyone in that group, or even about most people in that group. That’s a stereotype, usually considered a bad thing.

Eileen says, “Please don’t be angry.” Colin responds, “I’m trying not to be oversensitive.” “To be oversensitive” means to get mad or offended too easily. Colin says that someone recently drew a picture of him as a leprechaun. A “leprechaun” (leprechaun) is an imaginary small person, who wears green clothes and is in Ireland – is an Irish person. It’s a fictional person who sometimes appears in stories about Ireland – in Irish stories, we could say.

Eileen says, “You’re right. We’re all being a little insensitive.” “Insensitive” means that you are not concerned or don’t care about other people’s feelings – whether you offend other people or not. So, we have “oversensitive,” which is you are too concerned about other people insulting you, and “insensitive,” when you don’t care about insulting other people.

Eileen apologizes. Colin says, “I accept your apology.” When we “accept (accept) someone’s apology,” we are saying, “It’s okay. I believe that you are sorry and it is not a problem. I will not be angry with you anymore.” Colin says, “I’ll take you at your word.” “To take someone at their word” means to believe what someone says without asking for any additional proof or evidence – “I take you at your word.”

Eileen then says, “Can we shake and be friends again?” “To shake” (shake) in this case means to shake hands; to put your hand in the hand of the other person and move it up and down, like you’re making an agreement. The verb “to shake” has a couple of different meanings in English; take a look at our Learning Guide for this episode for more explanations.

Now let’s listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.

[start of story]

I was telling my friend, Gina, a joke. I began it by saying, “An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into this bar, and…” Suddenly, Gina grabbed my arm and shook her head. I turned around and our coworker, Colin, was standing right behind me.

Eileen: Oh, hi Colin. I didn’t see you standing there.

Colin: I guess you didn’t.

Eileen: I was just telling Gina a joke…

Colin: Yes, I know. I heard. I can’t believe you’re telling off-color jokes, especially at work.

Eileen: I’m really sorry. Please don’t be offended. I didn’t intend to insult you. I know that you’re from Ireland. It was just a joke.

Colin: It may be just a joke to you, but it’s getting a little old to me. I already have a tough time fitting in as an outsider in this company, and I’m really tired of being the butt of jokes around here. Besides, ethnic jokes reinforce stereotypes.

Eileen: Please don’t be angry.

Colin: I’m trying not to be oversensitive. I enjoy a good joke as much as anyone, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. The other day, someone drew a picture of me dressed as a leprechaun and put it in the break room. That wasn’t funny, and neither is this.

Eileen: You’re right. We’re all being a little insensitive. As far as I’m concerned, it won’t happen again.

Colin: I accept your apology and I’ll take you at your word.

Eileen: Can we shake and be friends again?

Colin: Yeah, sure. I guess so.

[end of story]

The script for this episode was written by Dr. Lucy Tse.

From Los Angeles, California, I’m Jeff McQuillan. Thanks for listening. We’ll see you next time on ESL Podcast.

English as a Second Language Podcast is written and produced by Dr. Lucy Tse, hosted by Dr. Jeff McQuillan. This podcast is copyright 2007.