The White Elephant, Episode 2, Quick!"

Peter
Quick! Quick!

Gordon
What?! Is it a fire? Right, everybody calm down! Calm down!

Peter
What? It’s not a fire. We’ve got a customer…

Ceilia
A customer?! At last.

Gordon
Well, what does he want? I haven’t got all day.

Peter
He wants the… ‘Spatchcocked peasant with lemon and herbs.’

Gordon
Pheasant, not peasant. Call yourself a waiter? Honestly…

Ceilia Come on then Gordon, get a move on, we can’t let another customer get away.

Gordon
I know, I know. Now where did I put the pheasant…

Mary
I’ll give you a hand if you like.

Gordon
You stick to washing up, love. Cooking pheasant is a job for a professional chef… now where is that stupid pheasant?

Peter
…the customer says ‘pull your finger out’ - he’s off to the theatre soon.

Gordon
I’ll tell him where he can stick his finger…

Ceilia
Gordon, stay here and cook - come on, quick as a flash.

Gordon
I need a pheasant!

Mary
I’ve found the pheasant - and it doesn’t smell too fresh.

Ceilia
Can’t we get a fresh one A.S.A.P.?

Gordon
Where are we going to get a pheasant at this time of night? - anyway, I cook, not go shopping.

Mary
OK, I’ll go and tell the customer shall I?

Ceilia We need a quick fix… can’t we use a chicken?

Gordon
Chicken isn’t pheasant.

Mary
Listen, listen… we don’t need a pheasant.

Ceilia
Why?

Mary
He’s gone.