درسنامه تفسیری

Elders - Commentary

Elders is our topic this month. Let’s talk more about it. I remember I was listening to a speech, an audio from Tic Nah Han, that’s the English pronunciation. His Vietnamese pronunciation is different but I can’t say it.

He was teaching in this audio something called the flower sutra, which is a story from Buddhism. It’s very simple and the story goes like this.

There were all of these students gathered, listening to the Buddha. The Buddha was teaching and they were all waiting for him to say something very profound. And he walks onto the stage or walks in front of them and he looks at this big group of students, who are all waiting for his wise words. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he notices a flower sitting near his chair, so he walks over, picks up the flower and holds it up. He looks at it and he smiles. He stays silent and the whole audience is kind of confused, like what is he doing? He’s not saying anything? What’s going on?

They’re all looking confused.

They’re looking at the flower and they don’t understand what he’s trying to say and then one of them, one of the student’s smiles. One of the students understands the message and the teacher, the Buddha sees this one student smile and then he says, this student has understood my message, has understood my teaching.

What was the meaning of that? Tic Nah Han goes on to explain the meaning of this, it’s called the flower sutra, the flower teaching. What the teacher was saying quite simply or trying to communicate was, turn off all these thoughts and don’t be analyzing and get so stressed out thinking about all of these ideas and worries and instead, just focus on this moment. Notice the beauty right in front of you. He was holding up the flower and saying just notice it, it’s beautiful, just notice it. Stop thinking so much and just appreciate what is already there in front of you.

At the time I was listening to that I needed that message, because I was stressed out by my business. We were having a lot of technical problems with our website and other problems with the business and in a business there are always problems, just as there are in life. You can never avoid problems, they’re always coming up. So I was so stressed out and thinking about all these problems and trying to analyze them, that I also in my own life was missing the really great things that were already there, right in front of me.

It was nice to listen to that audio, that teaching and be reminded of that. Take a deep breath and notice what’s already here, don’t get too trapped by all of these ideas, thoughts and worries and problems in my head. Tic Nah Han is not a young guy. I think he’s in his 70s or 80s, he’s an elder. He’s an older person, and he’s a philosopher so he has spent most of his life thinking about the more timeless truths, the more timeless ideas. He’s not fashionable he’s a monk, so he dresses in the same clothes all the time. Very simple, plain clothes, not fashionable at all.

He’s certainly not young anymore. He’s not trendy. He’s not cool. He probably doesn’t know much about the latest movies. He probably doesn’t know much about the latest technology or music. What he does have is wisdom. The wisdom that comes from being a philosopher and thinking about what is most important in life.

What is most true or what is most useful and what has been useful for many, many years, many, many centuries for human beings.

Also, the wisdom that comes from just being older if you’re thoughtful and older. It doesn’t mean all older people are wise, some unfortunately are not, probably most human beings are not. But elders, who are thoughtful, can give us a kind of wisdom that comes from being alive so many years and all of those decades of life give them rich experience and help them to see what is really important in life for happiness and what is not.

That’s the meaning of that story. That what’s most important is what’s right there in front of you already and not all the ideas we have in our head about the future, in the past and all these things we create in our heads. Those may have some significance but the deeper purpose, what’s more important in life is what’s right there already, right now. You don’t get that kind of teaching typically, from the media, from the young and the fashionable.

There’s nothing wrong with being young and trendy, but the problem as we mentioned in our main lesson is that our societies, especially through the media have become totally focused on youth.

What is trendy?

What is cool? What is new,

new, new, now?

And we’re being constantly pushed to value that, but older people, wisdom, what is timeless is ignored or devalued or seen as uncool or something. Like Tic Nah Han, we’ll probably never be on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine.

So what this month’s lesson is about is re-balancing that, yourself. Realizing that the mass media is always pushing youth and change, youth and change. That has its place, but to get a more balanced view of life and to get greater wisdom, we need to also have input from elders, from those who are older with more experience, who give us often a very different message about what is important. What will lead to happiness? It’s not the newest thing, it’s usually something that has been true for many, many, many years… maybe many, many, many generations.

1. To do this I recommend that you first identify who the elders are in your life.

What’s already there?

Start with your family… grandparents, uncles and aunts for example, parents if you have a good relationship with them, sometimes they can be tough because we have so much history with them and because with their role they have to kind of tell us what to do when we’re young. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to get advice from our parents.

Not always, it depends on your situation. But sometimes it’s easier with grandparents or uncles and aunts.

So find out who are the people who are at least one generation and maybe two generations older than you in your family. If you’re older, maybe there aren’t many, but you can still find some who are older and reconnect with them. Give them a call, chat with them a little bit. Keep those connections and respect them for what they do offer, which is a very different perspective from the one you’re going to get from society in general, from the youth-obsessed society we now have. You’re going to balance that out.

So, who are the elders in your family, your extended family?

1. Next, who are the elders who can be mentors to you?

Maybe they already are mentors. Maybe they have been in the past or maybe potentially could be in the future. And these are older people in your company, for example. If you’re working at a job, if you’re working at a company, who are the people who’ve been there longer who are older, who’ve been working longer than you have, not just at this company but in general in life, and who have a different perspective because they’ve been around a long time?

For example, in my life, I’ve found these people to be very useful, especially earlier in my career when I was a young teacher. Because in the United States and in most parts of the world, what happens in education is that there’s always some new idea, some great new system, supposedly. This will change education…

And if you’re young and you don’t have a lot of experience than you get excited about how this is new and it’s going to change everything. What’s interesting is that I had some mentors who were older, teachers who were older, and they told me this isn’t new at all. These same ideas always come back in the school system. First they’ll try this idea and then they’ll try another idea and then they’ll go back to the first idea again and change the name, but it’s basically the same thing.

In fact, in government schools in public education, in schools in general, there are really only a few basic approaches, basic methods and they just keep changing between them again and again and again. It’s really not new at all and none of it works very well.

It was quite useful as a young teacher to hear that and to realize okay, maybe they’ve been around a long time and they’ve already seen this, so instead of being gullible (meaning to accept something you’re told without question). So instead, because I had these older mentors, I could look at these new systems, new ideas and think that maybe they aren’t so new and I could do research about it and found out in fact that yeah, there’s nothing so new here. The school systems just keep doing the same things again and again, they just change the name of what they call it.

That was quite useful to me. It gave me a greater wisdom and knowledge and helped me develop more quickly as a teacher, because I had these older mentors, these elders who could guide me. They could help me see through the bullshit. There’s always bullshit out there, there’s a lot of it and one of the great things that elders can give you is, a more clear perspective so you can see through all of that nonsense, all the deceptions that have been there a long time.

Unfortunately, when we’re younger we don’t have much experience and it’s hard for us to figure out what’s true and what is not and often, people who have been around a long time, who have a lot more experience they can help us figure that out. So mentors, find mentors.

This might be within an organization. If you’re volunteering in a non-profit. If you have some hobby, then again you can find mentors in those areas. Even with parenting you could find people who are your grandparents age or even your parents age, who aren’t in your family but they’ve had kids already, they’ve raised their kids and if you have a few of these elders as mentors, they can also help guide you.

1. Finally, number three another source of elders, are authors, speakers and teachers.

These are people you can find within the public. You may not meet them face to face directly, but you can learn from their wisdom by reading their books, attending their speeches or watching their speeches online, taking classes from them, etc.

Again, seek out people who are at least one generation older than you.

This way you’ll gather, you’ll create a kind of council of elders. That sounds very formal, very magical and cool. It sounds almost like something from a fantasy book, like Lord of the Rings, but in a way it’s a nice metaphor. In other words, you have these older people in your life, family members, mentors and then just authors and experts and teachers, etc. So you assemble this whole group of people and you gain wisdom from them. You learn from them. You get advice from them. You gain knowledge from them.

That gives you a very wise perspective. They won’t always agree on everything, but you’ll get a lot of great wisdom by having several elders like that to guide you and this will balance the messages you receive from the media, from society about what’s new, what’s now, change-change-change, everything has to change and be new all the time. They’ll balance that out so that you get both sides.

As you listen to your elders, as you talk to them, but especially as you listen to them, be focused on finding common advice, common themes. As I said, they won’t all agree on everything, you’ll get different ideas and different advice from each person, but sometimes what you will notice is that there’ll be certain patterns, certain themes that all of them seem to communicate or agree upon or most of them do. When that happens, really pay attention because that’s probably something quite important, quite wise and quite useful.

So look for the ideas, the themes, the advice, the knowledge that many or all of your elders agree upon. They may say it in a different way, but you’ll find there are certain themes that all of them will communicate. Those are the gold.

How do you actually do this practically? Well, as I mentioned, if they’ve written books then read their books. If at all possible, chat with them and when you chat with them mostly listen, don’t try to talk so much. Ask questions and listen. Ask for specific advice if they’re willing to talk to you about it and give you advice, ask for it. You don’t have to follow it but ask for it.

Open yourself up to their ideas, to their wisdom.

Finally, I have specific advice or specific assignments if you want to call it that, but this isn’t school so they’re optional. I want to encourage you to do something this month.

What you do this month depends on your age, how old you are. If you’re young, find your elders as I’ve already mentioned and your job this month is simply to be humble and to listen to them. Don’t criticize them directly or even in your mind, oh they’re not cool. They don’t understand what’s happening these days. No, no, no just listen to them. Ask questions and listen, listen, listen especially trying to find again, those common themes, those common ideas among all of them. So listen to your elders.

You don’t have to obey them just listen.

And try to develop this month some humility. If you’re young develop humility, meaning that you understand that you don’t know everything and that maybe your ideas and your opinions are wrong, and believe me you’ll discover that over the years many, many, probably most of your opinions are wrong. That’s one of the great things about getting older is that you can look back and see all the times you were sure about something, but in fact you were wrong.

It gives you a lot of humility it’s great. So start developing that now. If you’re young, talk to older people this month, as many as you can and when I say talk to what I really mean is ask them questions and listen.

Next, if you’re middle aged, I want you to step up this month. To step up means to raise your standards, to push yourself a little bit and be more of a leader this month, because traditionally this is the time in life where you lead. Because, you still have plenty of energy and activity, but you also have more experience, so that’s an ideal time to be a leader, a very active leader. So lead. Help to guide people who are less experienced than you. Don’t be shy about it, develop your leadership. Don’t be afraid of this idea of being a leader. It doesn’t mean you’re commanding people. It doesn’t mean you tell people what they must do, it means more than you inspire them to be the best they can be.

You inspire them to go for their dreams and try to achieve their dreams and greatest potential. Don’t be shy about that, step up, be strong and do it this month. Especially for those who are younger and less experienced for you, and at the same time if you’re middle-aged, also seek out wisdom from your elders, those who are one generation older than you or more. When you’re in the middle you’re kind of doing both. You can seek that counsel and advice from those who are older but then you also need to provide that guidance and leadership to those who are younger or to your peers, those who are the same age as you.

Finally, if you are an elder already, if you are older, then you are the one who really needs to step up, because in our societies globally, certainly in the United States, in Europe but I think globally now, older people in our society have become too quiet, too timid. Many older people feel overwhelmed, oh my God things are changing so fast. I don’t understand the technology it’s too much, too fast and they get overwhelmed. And then a lot of these elders kind of withdraw from society, they don’t remain actively involved in society so much.

They “retire” and they just hang around other older people and they don’t have much interaction with others. That’s not a good thing. It’s not a good thing for those people, for those elders and it’s certainly not a good thing for our society it’s a terrible thing. So I encourage you if you’re older to step up and don’t be shy about it. When I say step up and lead I mean speak, write a blog. Write emails to family members and friends and people who you used to work with.

Write a book. Do a podcast. Something to share your ideas. Share the wisdom you have learned over your life. Do this in a humble way, not telling people you must do this. Don’t be bitter about it. I think sometimes that’s why young people don’t want to listen to older people, because some older people, elders, can communicate in a very bitter way. They seem angry about the modern world. They seem upset and angry about youth, about all the changes that are happening and people who speak in that way, when they’re bitter, they don’t communicate well. That’s terrible leadership and no one wants to listen to that.

No one wants to listen to criticism all the time. So when you communicate, as an older person, do it in a positive way. Do it in a way that inspires. And also listen, try to understand those who are younger than you, and rather, don’t tell them what to do but just offer ideas, offer wisdom as a choice. They may not take it and that’s okay, just offer it. But speak up is the point. This month, speak up. Speak up in your family.

Speak up online. Speak up in general, don’t fade away and become invisible.

Listen and coach. Don’t preach to them, but listen and coach.

And that is your homework if you want to call it that. That is my advice to you this month. I very much want to hear about your experiences, so get on our forum, on our VIP social site and tell us about your experience this month. It’ll be interesting to compare those who are younger, middle aged or older. Compare your experiences and thoughts on this topic, I’m very curious about it, and I’m sure other members are curious about your thoughts. So get on there and tell us about it.

All right. See you next time. Bye for now.