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Breakups – Commentary Lesson

Hi, this is Kristin, welcome back to the commentary for the conversation this month, Breakups. Now personal growth after the end of a relationship was talked about by all three of us in the conversation, me, Joe and AJ. It was talked about towards the end of the conversation.

Personal growth is definitely important and if you’re getting…if you’re ending a relationship or if someone is ending the relationship that you’re in, personal growth is very important so that you don’t keep making the same mistakes when you go into another relationship or maybe even more relationships. Let me tell you about my own personal experience and how I started realizing some of the patterns that I was in or a pattern that I was in.

After three relationships that were serious, long serious relationships, I started realizing that there was a definite pattern for me. I was the one who was ending the relationships and I was usually doing it because I was starting to get bored with the other person, with the relationship. I was thinking that there was just something missing and I felt like, “Hmm, if I get out of this relationship and I find someone else, maybe that relationship will be better. I won’t be bored anymore.”

So yes, I was younger and, y’know, I was less experienced in relationships. Experience comes with time. But after this happening, after this happened to me three times, after the third one, the third relationship that I ended, I started thinking maybe there’s something not…maybe there’s something with me and it’s not that person actually, or those people that I ended the past relationships with.

So I started to think about that and realized, well, yeah, it’s not that that person was boring or the relationship was boring. I was…I was wanting and needing things from each person in the past relationships that they just couldn’t give me because those things needed to come from within me. They needed to come from within me and it was unfair of me to think that that person at the time, each person in those relationships, should provide that for me. It was very unfair of me. It put a lot of pressure on each relationship.

So once I realized that then my next relationship, which is my current one with Joe, there hasn’t been that problem. I didn’t bring that baggage into this relationship. Remember, baggage was one of the vocab…vocabulary words in the conversation. It means problem or problems. I didn’t bring that baggage or I didn’t bring those problems into this relationship of feeling like I needed something from him or something…feeling like something was missing and I needed him to fulfill that for me.

It’s not healthy to think that one person can fulfill everything that you need and want. It is not healthy. It’s not good. You get that from other people, other experiences. And so once I learned that, like I said, it’s

not a problem in this relationship. I’m not saying I have a perfect relationship, but that problem is not…is not present. It’s not in this current relationship.

You know, and I want to say also that I am very grateful to my past partners. And I use the word partner to mean person I was romantically involved with. So I’m very grateful to my past partners and my past relationships. I’m happy that I’m friends with them. I’m friends with all of them. Y’know, I learned a lot from each of them.

I learned a lot from the relationships and I also feel that when you spend time in such a…you spend time with someone in a romantic relationship, if that ends, for whatever reason, there’s no…I feel, there’s no reason to no longer have that person in your life. Now this might be, sound strange to you. It might not be very common in your country.

It’s not very common here in the United States. It’s becoming more common, but my parents, for example, they’re of an older generation, generation meaning group of people, so they don’t understand it. But I am grateful to my past partners in relationships and am happy that I’m still friends with them.

Have you ever been in a breakup yourself and learned something from it? And if so, what did you learn? Or what things did you learn, if you learned more than one thing? And if you really think about it, is there anything that you feel you could have done better? So think about that and maybe write something on the Ning site about it. We’d love to hear from you.

Alright, that…this completes the commentary for the conversation breakups. Have a great month and I’ll see you next month.