Who or Whom?

Who or Whom?

Harry: This is getting boring. Ron: We need to find the shield of disappointment, Harry. Yeah, I hope we find it soon. Yeah, me too! I heard it’s really good and I’m very excited! Shhh! Keep your voice down! you know who might hear us! Actually, it’s you know whom. No, it’s not, wait is it? “You-know-whom”, “You-know-who”. Look, honestly no one cares. No one cares. This is why no one wants to go on adventures with us. This! You! When is it who? and when is it whom? Also, in 2018 who even uses whom really? Whom uses whom… it’s a who or whom? Okay, before we specifically look at who and whom, you need to know one very important thing. Look at this sentence, in this sentence this is called the “subject”. The “subject” does the action, in this case “love”. “Her” that’s the “object”. Now the object of a sentence receives the action so she receives the love. So “subject” does the action, “object” receives the action. Super easy, right? hmm, yeah. And you’ll notice whether it’s a subject pronoun or an object pronoun, it has a different form. For example, let’s reverse this, so the feminine “she” is a subject pronoun and the feminine “her” is the object pronoun and the masculine “he” that’s a subject and the masculine “him” is the object pronoun. Who and whom work the same way. Who and whom, they’re both pronouns. “Who” is a subject pronoun. “Whom” is an object pronoun.

We need an example. So this question, is it “who loves me?” or “whom loves me?” What do you think? You see it’s actually super easy. We want to know who does the action so we need “who” not “whom”. We can test this by looking at the answer: “She loves me”. If the answer is a subject pronoun, then you need “who” because “who” is the subject pronoun! “whom” is the object pronoun, but how do we use it?

Okay this question: “Who do you love?” or should it be “Whom do you love?”. Well, we know that he is doing the action so he’s the subject, right? We want to know who receives this action so actually… That should be “whom”. “Whom do you love?”. That’s how we use it, it’s that simple. So why is it so confusing? Well, it’s because you would never hear this question in real life. That’s why! And the reason is that “whom” is becoming old-fashioned, we don’t use it really, anymore. It’s much more common to hear “Who do you love?” not “Whom”. Basically, basically, “who” is replacing “whom” in all situations. In formal writing, yes, when it’s appropriate, when you need the object pronoun, sure, use “whom”! But in all cases, “who” is slowly replacing “whom”.

Another example “who did you invite?”, we want to know “who received the invitation?” So actually that again, is the object pronoun but again you’re not going to hear “whom did you invite to the party?” in regular speech, no! “Who did you invite?”, that’s much more common. That’s what you’ll hear and I recommend that, that is what you say. Now, of course there are annoying people who will always correct “who” to “whom” in conversation. It sounds annoying and it’s rude. Let “whom” die with one exception… two exceptions.

I mentioned formal writing, yes, that’s fine! The other one is this situation… “Who are you talking to?” We already know that, this one, that’s an object pronoun so in theory, should be “Whom are you talking to?”. That doesn’t sound good! Oh, I know, it’s because you never end a sentence with a preposition. Let’s change that! “To WHOM are you talking?” that… Why? It sounds very old-fashioned and very formal. If someone said that in conversation “To whom am I talking?”, what century do you live in? Oh, I’m sorry, in which century do you live?” So this might be grammatically correct but it’s still just… However, honestly after a preposition that’s when you’re most likely to hear a “whom” and when it’s more acceptable for you to say “whom” because it just, it flows better.

Okay, but what about in a sentence where who or whom works as a relative pronoun? What the hell is a relative pronoun?! Don’t worry! I’ll explain! Okay, if I steal money from my friend. We’ve known each other for 10 years. My friend, very shocked will say two things. Aly is the guy who stole my money or Aly, who I’ve known for ages, stole my money. One of these is whom and one of these is who, but which one? Aly is the guy who stole my money this… it’s all the subject. He stole my money. So because it’s still the subject, it’s still who. This one however, we’re adding more information in this relative clause here, who I’ve known for ages. Would we say “I’ve known he” or “I’ve known him”? Do we need the subject or object pronoun? of course we need the object pronoun so it would be I’ve known him for ages. So this should be “Aly, whom I’ve known for ages, stole my money”. Of course I would never do that. I would only steal your heart. I’m not proud of that one.

Okay, if you still really want to use whom and remember, in formal writing, I would recommend you do still use it at the moment it’s still good. Here’s a test to see if you’ve learned it properly. A guy comes home to his girlfriend with a kiss mark on his face. Should it be “Who kissed you?” or “Whom kissed you?” What do you think? How does the sentence make sense? Should we say “she kissed you” or “her kissed you”? Well “her”, that’s an object pronoun and that doesn’t sound good. “She kissed you”, that makes sense. “She” is the subject pronoun so we need the subject “who”. “Who kissed you?”. “who/whom did you buy this pizza for?”. What would he answer? I love you. I bought it for you! “For you!”, we wanted to know THIS information and this is an object pronoun. That’s what we wanted to know so the question is “whom” not “who”. And yes, of course we can say “for whom did you buy this pizza?” That’s okay, too.

So this is where it can get confusing, in a passive sentence. “Who was invited?” or should it be “whom was invited?” Again, it’s actually very easy, think about the answer. “They were invited”. “They” is a subject pronoun so “who was invited?”. Remember, if you’re not sure, think about the answer, is that a subject or an object? Then you’ll know if you need “who” or “whom”. So in conclusion, who and whom, both pronouns. “Who” is the subject pronoun “whom” is the object pronoun. “Whom” is dying out and “who” is replacing “whom” in most situations.

Personally, I don’t really use “whom”, only in formal writing when I’m trying to be formal or after a preposition in a sentence in spoken English if I’m trying to sound formal or more intelligent. But honestly, it’s a dying word. Don’t worry about it and certainly don’t correct someone who used “who”, when grammatically they should have used whom. It’s annoying, don’t be that person.