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(upbeat music)

• Hello everyone, and welcome back to English with Lucy.

Today we are going to talk about

alternatives for one of the most hated phrases

in the English language.

No offence.

Is there a more offensive phrase than no offence?

When somebody says no offence,

but you know they’re going to follow that

with something offensive.

It’s just the way people are.

It really works.

Right, number one is with respect

or with all due respect.

With all due respect, that’s slightly more formal.

This is something you can add

before you are going to say something that could

potentially cause offence.

You’re showing the listener that you’re not trying

to be disrespectful.

You’re saying it in a respectful way.

An example, with all due respect,

I really don’t think it’s appropriate

to wear a white dress as a wedding guest.

Is this a thing in your country and culture?

I know not all cultures have white wedding dresses,

we do here in the UK

and it is extremely frowned upon to wear white

to someone’s wedding.

And I went to a wedding last summer

and there was a woman in a long white dress

and I was appalled, I tell you.

Did I say anything about it to her?

No I didn’t because I’m British.

Did I silently judge her?

Of course, I did because I’m British.

Number two is I’m going to be very honest with you

or I’m gonna be honest with you.

If you want to be a bit more informal

and speak using slang terms like gonna.

This is something you can say again

before you say something that could be offensive.

You are preparing the listener for the criticism

that is going to come next.

An example, I’m going to be very honest with you,

I wasn’t happy with how you behaved in my party.

Now, this was said in all English speaking countries,

but especially in Britain

because we do have a habit of not being honest.

The example I gave before

of how I didn’t tell the woman

that she shouldn’t have worn white.

Well, that’s pretty common behaviour.

We don’t necessarily say things.

We like to avoid confrontation,

so for us, if we are going to confront someone,

it’s a big deal and we need to prepare them.

I’m going to be honest with you.

That brings me onto my next one.

Number three, let’s be frank.

Let’s be frank.

To be frank is to be honest and direct.

If somebody is a frank person

then they are very to the point,

this means pretty much the same thing,

but it kind of opens the opportunity

to have an honest conversation.

Let’s be honest with one another.

Let’s have an honest conversation.

It’s not me saying, I’m going to be honest with you,

it’s saying, let’s be frank,

let’s be honest with each other.

An example, let’s be frank.

You haven’t excelled in your exams this year.

Number four is a very, very common one

and it’s actually considered more slang in the UK.

It’s actually a phrase that I think

a lot of people might think is overused

or becoming overused.

It is, I’m not going to lie

or now just shortened down to, not gonna lie, (chuckles)

not gonna lie.

And you say it before you’re about to criticise someone

or something, or maybe when you’re gonna give

a really honest, negative opinion about someone,

not gonna lie, your singing wasn’t great.

Not gonna lie, her top was the ugliest top

I’ve ever seen in my life.

My God, that’s so, so mean.

(laughing)

But it’s one that is thrown around a lot.

It is used a lot and it can be very confusing

because you might think, well, of course you shouldn’t lie.

Why would you lie?

It’s just a phrase.

Now, number five,

sometimes you do just want to say, no offence,

but we can say it in a much

more formal way.

We could say, I don’t mean to offend,

but, or I don’t mean to offend you,

but, this sounds a little bit nicer.

Sometimes you just can’t escape using no offence. (chuckles)

We can also say, without meaning to offend you

or without meaning to offend.

An example, without meaning to offend you,

your work hasn’t been up to scratch recently.

Up to scratch means up to the standard.

Number six is another slang one.

It’s very commonly used.

It’s, don’t get me wrong.

Don’t get me wrong,

and we’re using get here as in receive.

I’ve got a video all about the many uses of get.

There are a lot, I warn you,

but we’re saying, don’t receive me in the wrong way.

Don’t interpret what I’m saying in the wrong way.

It basically means don’t misunderstand me.

An example, don’t get me wrong,

but I think we need to have a chat about the incident.

You wouldn’t really use this in a formal situation.

This is more between friends and acquaintances.

Number seven is a nice phrase that you can say

instead of, I’ve been watching you

and I’ve seen that you’ve done something wrong.

If you want to of course, express

that you have been watching someone

and they have been doing something wrong,

you can say, I’ve noticed that.

I’ve noticed that,

this is something that’s said a lot in offices.

I’ve noticed that you’ve been spending

a lot of time by the water cooler

or I’ve noticed that you aren’t always

reaching your deadlines.

It’s a nice way of saying,

I’ve been observing you and you’re not doing anything right.

Number eight, a way of saying you’re doing

lots of things wrong

and you’re really not performing as you should.

You could say, there’s room for improvement,

there’s room for improvement.

You’re doing okay,

but there’s still a little room for improvement.

An example, I appreciate how hard you’ve worked,

but there still is room for improvement here.

Now, number nine,

is using a conditional to express criticism.

It is this lovely phrase, if you can learn it

and use it as a set phrase, that’s fantastic.

If I were you, I would,

and then the advice, what you would do.

Instead of saying you should do this,

which people don’t necessarily like.

If I were you, I would do it this way.

Oh, people love that.

An example, if I were you,

I would look at implementing a different strategy.

Translates roughly as change your strategy. (chuckles)

Number 10 what about a nice rhetorical question

to set off some criticism?

Oh, I love them.

If you want to give someone some constructive criticism,

you could say, believe it or not,

could I offer you a bit of constructive criticism?

They can’t exactly say no, can they?

Especially if you’re their boss. (laughing)

An example, can I offer you a little constructive criticism?

Try using a spellchecker

before handing in your assignment. (chuckles)

Now, number 11, is something that we actually

add to the end of sentences

to emphasise them a little bit.

In English, especially in British English,

we have the habit,

a huge habit of reducing everything,

trying to make things seem not quite as important

or profound as they actually are.

For example, if you gave me the most disgusting

cup of tea ever, I would say,

oh, well, it’s not the worst tea I’ve ever had,

or oh yes, I think I could get used to it.

It’s a real issue, and we often use this technique

whilst delivering criticism,

but if you decide that you actually do want the receiver

of the criticism to realise how badly they’ve performed,

you can add to say the least onto the end.

I think you could have done better, to say the least.

Or to put it mildly,

you don’t smell great, to put it mildly.

Both of these are used to suggest that something

is far worse or more extreme than you are saying.

It does make the English language quite complex

because we don’t actually say what we mean,

but don’t shoot the messenger.

I’m just trying to help out. (laughing)

An example, you behaved in appropriately

at the staff party, to say the least.

And number 12, this one is used in the middle

of a criticising sentence,

and this one actually is quite different

to the previous one.

This one is used to make a statement

or criticism appear less severe or offensive.

It is, shall we say.

Shall we say.

An example, your report was, shall we say, a little lacking.

It’s almost like, how do I put this?

How can I choose a non-offensive term

to describe the monstrosity

with which I have been presented?

Your report was, shall we say, a little lacking,

or your reaction was, shall we say, a little over the top,

meaning your reaction was completely

and utterly over the top right. (laughing)

Right, that’s it for today’s lesson,

how to say offensive things

and give criticism without causing offence

in a polite, or at least British manner.