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7 ‘polite’ British insult idioms

Hello and welcome back to English with Lucy.

Today I’m going to talk to you about seven idioms that you can use to politely tell somebody that they are an idiot.

So, in simple terms idioms for describing stupidity, we brits like to beat around the bush to avoid talking about something unpleasant or uncomfortable. Many of us live in constant fear of offending people. However that does not mean that we won’t throw in and under-the-table insult disguised as a seemingly harmless idiomatic phrase when we think that you’re being a total buffoon.

So, today I’m going to teach you seven ways to tell someone that they are a total idiot without seeming too offensive. Quickly, before we get started this video is going to help your speaking, your listening, your reading and your writing. It’s going to help everything

Right, let’s get on with this stupid lesson.

Number one, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If somebody is not the sharpest tool in the shed, they’re a little bit stupid. They’re not the cleverest person. It could have been said about me, actually when I was invited on a YouTube trip to Berlin the other day, we’re in a lovely posh hotel and I noticed that my hairdryer wasn’t working. So, I called up room service and I said they immediately came up and gave me a new one. I plugged the new one in that one wasn’t working either.

So, I called up room service working and I am really really socking wet. So, they brought up a third one and at that point they realized that I hadn’t put the key card in the door. So, none of the electricity was working including the light at night. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Number two, she’s one sandwich short of a picnic. This means that somebody is not quite of full intelligence. It could have been used to describe me. Actually when I invited a plumber over to fit in a dishwasher.

He texted me beforehand to ask for some photos and he asked me if there was a trap under my sink. So, it opened the sink and I look inside and to my amazement there is a mousetrap with a lovely bright logo saying the words the big cheese on it and I remember thinking to myself how did he know that. But, anyway I thought whatever took a picture sent it to the plumber and he just came back with like a million lock on paper and he said: No Lucy, the trap that I’m asking about is a type of pipe. a water pipe. can I have a picture of that please. So, yes I can sometimes be one sandwich short of a picnic. Also I think in America they might say one french fry short of a happy meal.

Or one fry short of a happy meal that’s mcdonald’s reference. If there are any Americans watching this please comment down below and confirm that to me.

Number three, means almost exactly the same as the previous one. it is to not be a full ticket. If somebody isn’t a full ticket it means they’re not clinically sane. So, be careful when using it make sure that you don’t offend anyone. It could have been used to describe me actually I think my mother thought that I wasn’t the full ticket. I’m one holiday at my grandparents holiday home in Portugal.

I walked through the mosquito nets on the door. no less than three times and they had to put up special stickers for me, which remain there to this day. so, there are special stickers for Lucy because she’s not clever enough to just use a mosquito net properly. So, yes not the full ticket.

Number four, there’s not much between the ears. And if you say that there’s not much between the ears, that somebody hasn’t got much of a brain. This could have been said about me, actually when I was forced to go to a week-long violin camp. Violin camp on day two. I couldn’t go on any longer I had to leave. So, I devised a plan I would gently maim or injure myself. But, how would I do it? Ah the bathroom door was particularly aggressive swinging both ways at a 180 degree angle.

I planned to gently catch my finger in that door. exaggerate the pain. So, I was no longer able to play my violin and therefore be sent home as I got my finger ready near the door. Somebody else needed the loo and they came through and they injured my finger. So, badly that I had to go to hospital and to this day I have a messed up fingernail. But like break it’s just not right. So, yes not much in between the ears.

Number 5, the light is on but nobody’s home. This means they look normal. But, really they’re very stupid. This could have been said about me actually when aged 9 and showing off in front of a group of younger children jumped off the top of a wooden castle in a playground, got the back of my jumper stuck on one of the spikes and was left there dangling until one of those annoying little children ran to call my dad. It was so embarrassing and so stupid. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.

Number 6, it’s a saying someone’s village is missing. Their idiot, and this one comes from the term the village idiot, which is used to describe someone known locally for their stupidity canape. Used to describe me actually two days after passing my driving test, I went into a nearby city to buy my beloved new shiny orange Mini Cooper and when I drove out of the dealership for the very first time.

After just 100 metres I stalled at around about put the gearstick into reverse and shut back at full force into the car behind me obliterating his license plate. It was dreadful the police came I had to be escorted away. but, luckily my mother was two cars behind me, because, oh my god if she had been in that car behind me there would have been trouble. So, yes on that day the village was missing their idiot. the idiot being me.

Number seven the last idiom to describe a stupidity is as thick as a plank. and if you are as thick as a plank, you’re really stupid. It could’ve been used to describe me actually when on the school bus aged about 12 to 13. I found a mobile phone and I open the mobile phone and I found some very inappropriate images of the owner of the phone images and videos. shall we say it was a man I’ve never seen anything like that before. So, I did what any school girl would do and I took the videos and I sent them directly from the phone to my best friend Felicity. It was a hilarious joke.

I went into school and I acted like I knew nothing to felicitate. she was really scared. brilliant I thought my cheeky prank has worked. She then told me that she’d gone to the headmistress of the school and the school had called the police and they were on their way in to interview everyone I knew. What I had to do? I ran in my little tartan kilt to the headmistress and said: No, it was me I then had to spend the rest of the day with the police explaining what I’d done. Why I’d done it and having them explained to me. why it was so awful, all the while I was begging them not to tell my parents and in the end they didn’t. Which I really appreciated and I actually told my parents about it on my 21st birthday dinner. That, yeah I thought it was gonna be hilarious. but the police just didn’t have any sort of sense of humor. Right ,that’s it for today’s lesson.

I hope you enjoyed it I hope you learned something. Please if you now doubt my intelligence you can unsubscribe. But, you really are welcome to I would and I invite you to comment below with any embarrassing situations that have happened to you or any other idioms that you know of that means stupid in English. You can also let me know about idioms in your own language and translate them into English, because some of them are so funny. I mean a sandwich short of a picnic that is that particularly tickles me.