Gullivers Travels, Part 8, Horrible science"

Scientist A Yeeess?

Lady Monodi We’re here to look round the Academy… I’m Lady Monodi… and this is Dr Gulliver, from England.

Scientist A England! Ahh! Land of great mathematicians and astronomers - Isaac Newton - now he is the talk of the Academy at the moment with his theory of gravity … Is it true that it was an apple falling on his head that gave him the idea?

Gulliver I believe so…

Lady Monodi I’m sure Gulliver would like to see what goes on in our great Academy…

Gulliver narrator I was indeed interested to see what went on in the Academy but equally, I was glad to spend more time in the company of Lady Monodi. She was a delightful companion, not ignorant as the King had described her.

Gulliver Do you visit Lagado often?

Lady Monodi My husband Lord Monodi spends all his time reading astronomy books and thinking… I get so bored on Laputa… You know, my husband won’t even notice I’m gone.

Gulliver Really?

Lady Monodi Yes, I prefer it here in Lagado, even though life down here is hard and most people are very poor. It’s infinitely preferable to a life of abstract thinking… Don’t you think?

Gulliver narrator I wondered if Lady Monodi was secretly making plans for me… I knew I would have to get away before I fell for her completely. But first, as a doctor, I was keen to see the famous Academy and meet the scientists working there.

Lady Monodi I’m sure you won’t have seen any inventions before like the ones here. They are quite at the cutting edge of science…

Gulliver narrator Lady Monodi was right. I was totally unprepared for what I was to find.

Lady Monodi Interesting experiment going on here…

Gulliver narrator The room we entered had a huge pile of cucumbers in the middle. A woman covered in soot and with scorched hair was holding half a cucumber in her hand. The other blackened half, was on the floor.

Gulliver And what is your project?

Scientist B Ah… well, I am extracting sunbeams from cucumbers…

Gulliver I’m sorry…? Did you say “extracting sunbeams … from… cucumbers”?

Scientist B Yes… That’s right… So people can use them to keep warm in winter. A cucumber takes in sunlight to grow, so we should be able to extract the sunlight…

Gulliver And have you managed to extract any yet?

Scientist B Well…not quite yet…I think I’m getting very close to it though…

[SFX: Explosion]

Scientist B Oh dear!

Gulliver And how long have you been working on this project?

Scientist B Oh, only eight years….

Gulliver Right, I see… Well good luck!

[To himself] You’ll need more than that…

Lady Monodi Now, you will be very interested in the project in this next room. A very learned physician is conducting an important experiment. He is famous for curing the problem of wind .

Gulliver Now that could be useful. It’s something I suffer from… Perhaps he can help me?

Gulliver narrator In the room we had just entered there was a dog in the middle of the floor and a man standing over it with some bellows pointing towards the dog’s backside.

Gulliver What are you doing?

Scientist C Well, if the dog is suffering from a little bit of wind, then using the bellows gently, I draw the bad air out. If the condition is serious, like in the case of this dog… if I squeeze the bellows hard like this… air goes in and out of the dog…

Gulliver I see…This dog looks pretty dead to me…

Scientist C Is he? Oh dear! How unfortunate… He may recover if I just… gently squeeze the bellows so I that I can draw out air… like that… Now did I hear you say that you also suffer from wind? ‘Cause if you like, I can…

Gulliver No, I think you must have misheard me… We ought to move on!

Gulliver narrator We hurried out, leaving the doctor trying to revive the poor dog. We visited several other laboratories all with quite bizarre experiments that frankly , seemed pointless and with little chance of success.

Gulliver And do they get funding for their experiments?

Monodi Yes, of course.

Gulliver But how can so much money be spent on these pointless, degrading projects…when people are living in such misery?

Monodi You’re not impressed then?

Gulliver No, I’m not. These aren’t creative projects. They’re unhealthy and impractical. What’s more - they’re immoral - people are starving in the city. Monodi, I’ve seen enough . I want to go home …

Monodi You mean back to Laputa…?

Gulliver No… to England. Is there a ship that can take me…?

Monodi You need to take the ferry to Glubbdubdrib. From there you can get on board a boat for Japan, and then England. I’ll be sorry to see you go, Gulliver.

Gulliver You have been very kind and a great guide. But I have been away many months and I miss my country and my family.

Gulliver narrator So, I left the beautiful Lady Monodi and sailed first to Glubbdubdrib, which she had forgotten to tell me, was a land of magicians. I had several adventures there, which are quite another tale… From Glubbdubdrib, I went to Japan and boarded a ship to England…

It was wonderful to be reunited with my wife and children. I knew, though, that it wouldn’t be long before sea life would tempt me once again. Little did I know that even more dangerous adventures lay ahead of me.