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Weddings – Commentary Lesson

Hi, this is Kristin. Welcome back to the commentary for the conversation Weddings. I was actually trying to think of the different weddings I’ve gone to over the years. And I was trying to think of what the most different wedding was and I would have to say that was probably a wedding that I went to when I was living in Thailand. So it was the most different culturally.

I was living in Thailand and I actually was dating a Thai man, so his older brother was getting married. We lived in Bangkok, big city, y’know, it’s the capital of Thailand. But my boyfriend and his brother, his brother was living in Bangkok also, with us actually, but they were from a very small town in the southern part of Thailand. So we…and his brother, his fiancé, the woman he was marrying, was actually from the same small town. They knew each other from this town.

So we went down to the particular town where they lived for the wedding and it was a really wonderful experience. I can remember we drove…so we were staying with my boyfriend’s, at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. It was the house he grew up in. And so the day of the wedding we drove over to where his, my boyfriend’s brother’s fiancé lived, which was not very far.

But I can remember, we drove, we got there and we got out and there were all these women from that small town, I believe they were friends, family of my boyfriend and his brother. So all these women were standing on the side of the road outside of the fiancé’s house, her family’s house. And these women were dressed in their very traditional Thai clothing. So it was a lot of silk. The material was silk and very bright colors. So the women, they were wearing skirts and blouses, so two pieces, y’know, a dress is one piece but a skirt and a blouse are two pieces.

And then they were carrying what to me looked like it was probably a basket, but I couldn’t see because then there was this silk material that came up kind of high, so maybe it was a basket that had a part where you would hold it but this material came from the bottom covering, came around, like it was a gift that was wrapped, but it was material. It was silk material. And they each had one of these and they were tied at top, I think, with like a ribbon. And they were all different bright colors, beautiful. And I think that they were gifts that were being given from my boyfriend’s brother’s family given to the bride’s family. So from the groom’s family to the bride’s family.

And speaking of giving gifts, actually in Thailand when you, traditionally when a man asks a woman to marry him, he then gives, once the parents agree to it as well, I believe this is how the tradition goes, then the man, supported if need be by the man’s family, will offer a dowry to the bride’s family. So a dowry meaning offer money. And the bride’s parents will actually set the price that they pay. So he’d already paid a dowry for his bride but then the family was also bringing more gifts. So I don’t know what was

inside. Maybe money, rice, different things, small gifts, I think, since he had paid probably a lot of money for the dowry.

So they were lined up on the road and then the groom, with a lot of men behind him, walked on the road past the women and walked into the house. I think the bride had already walked in before him. So she was wearing a white dress, which is typically, y’know, what women here in the United States wear when they get married. And the groom was wearing a blue suit, so he had a blue jacket, a white shirt, I think he had a red tie on and blue pants. And he had a flower right here, pinned on his jacket.

And so we went, we all went into the house then, after the bride and groom were in. And the bride and groom were sitting at the front of the house. It was a very simple wooden house and everyone is sitting on the floor. There was no furniture. We were all just on the floor. And I…of course, y’know, I speak very little Thai so I couldn’t understand what was being said. But the ceremony seemed like it went on for a really long time.

And I remember that the bride and groom were sitting next to each other and they kept…and they’re facing everybody who was, y’know, we were all inside this very small house. And so they’re facing all of us, watching them. And someone, I think maybe a couple of different people were talking throughout the ceremony. And then they would, they kept bowing.

Now they’re sitting on the floor but they would bend over like so their hands were on the floor and their heads were touching the floor. And when they did that then there was someone who had a bowl of water and actually had a part of a plant and they would dip the plant down into the bowl of water and sprinkle the water over their heads. And they kept doing this over and over again. And then, this was many years ago, so I don’t remember a whole lot. But I think eventually that…that was pretty much the ceremony. A lot was said during it.

After then, just like with American weddings, there was a reception, so there was a big party. So that was my first…my first and only Thai wedding. Oh yeah, and also during the ceremony, inside the house, the bride and the groom were each given something that put on. It was a ribbon that came around their neck and down the front of them and then there were flowers hanging on each side at the end of the ribbon. So it was really pretty. So that was the most different, culturally different wedding that I’ve been to.

Then I was thinking, what was the smallest wedding? I’ve been to some big weddings, and Joe was speaking about big weddings he used to go to on his mom’s side of the family. He spoke about that in the conversation. But I remembered a really small wedding that I went to was my uncle, my mom’s

brother, her younger brother. It was his second wedding. I never went to his first wedding. I wasn’t born yet. But I went to his second wedding. So because this was his second wedding, a lot of times if people are getting married the second or the third time, usually if they even have a wedding, it’s much smaller than if they had a really big wedding their first time.

So my uncle’s wedding was very small and it was pretty much just me and my two brothers and my parents and maybe my grandparents were there as well, my uncle’s mother and father. They probably were, I’m sure. And then maybe my uncle’s fiancé’s parents were there. I can’t even remember. But it was really, really small. So I don’t even think there was a party after. Maybe we just went to a restaurant or something. This was many, many years ago. This was before, long before the Thai wedding even.

But I was also just reminded of another small wedding which I was not at because I was not born yet, but I just spoke to my parents on the phone earlier today and they were reminding me of their wedding. This is a really interesting story. My mother and father only knew each other for two weeks before my father asked my mom to marry him. Two weeks, I think they went on one date. That was all.

And so my dad asked her to marry him and she said yes. They had met at some, kind of like a camp, a summer camp, but for theatre. They were in this play. So it was like this theatrical camp, theatrical meaning for acting, performances. So after, y’know, I guess there was only two weeks left and my dad asked my mom to marry him and she said yes.

So then they went, they finished the camp, they went to where my mom was…where her parents were living, which I think they were in another state. So they drove there and told my grandparents, my mom’s parents that they wanted to be married. And this was the first time that they’re meeting my dad and they were not happy at all. And they really were trying to talk to my parents, telling them to please wait, give this some time, make sure this is what you really want to do.

And my dad pretty much said, nope, it’s now or never. And so my mom said, okay, I’m in. In other words, she said, yeah, let’s do it. I want to do it. I don’t care what my parents say. So they left against my grandparents’ wishes and got married. And I think…so they went up, they went to another state where my dad was from, where his brothers and sisters lived, his parents were dead already. But they went where his brothers and sisters were living and had a very small wedding there then with just his family.

So I think it was a year or two where my grandparents didn’t even speak to my mother. And it was much longer even, it was I think several years before they even would speak to my father and accept him. And

my grandparents are both dead now but, they…I always remember growing up they had a fine relationship with my father, so this was all before I was born.

And, yeah, so that’s always been to me a very fascinating story of how they only knew each other for two weeks. And they’re still together. They’ve been together now for…they’ve been married for about 51-1/2 years now. So that’s…especially there are so many people in America now who get divorced, so the fact that my parents only knew each other two weeks and they’re still married. They’re not divorced. They’ve been married now 51-1/2 years…that’s, that’s pretty amazing.

So sometimes, in America, couples don’t even get married. Y’know, this is a little bit more common with my generation, y’know, people my age or people even younger. For example, Joe and I are not married and we’ve been together now eight years, is that right? Yeah. And we’re not married. But we think of each other as husband and wife because we have that commitment but we’ve just chosen not to legally get married, for many reasons.

My younger brother is the same. He and his girlfriend, they’ve been together for even longer than Joe and I, and they’re not married. They even have a daughter together and they’ve just chosen not to be married. There’s another couple that come to mind, just because I saw them yesterday and it’s an old college friend of Joe’s and he and his girlfriend, she’s actually from Slovakia, the country Slovakia, and they’ve been together now for several years and they’re not married.

He’s always told his girlfriends, y’know, anytime he starts dating someone new, one of the first things he tells them is I don’t want to be married. It’s just a choice some people make for, y’know, for different reasons. So it was a little bit difficult for my parents, my mother and father, to understand at first. But I think they understand it more now, at least my mom does.

Okay, so I’m curious, what’s a traditional wedding from your country, what’s that like? Maybe you could get on the Ning site and share that with us. Alright, this concludes or this finishes the commentary for the conversation Weddings and I’ll see you next month.