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Roots – Conversation Lesson

Kristin: Y’know, AJ, here you are leaving in a few days to go back to Japan. You’ve been in America now six months but I feel like we’ve barely even seen you. I wish you were actually staying a little bit longer.

AJ: Yeah, man, this has been an exhausting trip actually. We moved around a lot. We were down in LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Monterey, all in California, and then Indiana to visit my family, down to…

Kristin: Georgia, yeah.

AJ: Georgia to see my dad and some friends, back to Indiana. Now I’m in San Francisco and then I’m going to…

Kristin: Yeah, you guys have been on the move quite a lot for sure.

AJ: Yeah, to be honest, I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I haven’t been enjoying it. I kind of want to be in one place for a while.

Kristin: Yeah, I don’t blame you. Y’know, when I was younger, I used to love…well, I can’t say I loved moving, but, y’know, going to a different place, the idea of going to a different place or even when I did, it was exciting to me. Or a better example even is when we would travel, going to different places, I always found it new and exciting and inspiring. And I find now, the older I’m getting, I just would like, whether I’m traveling…well, let’s say, take traveling…y’know, I don’t want to be on the go as much.

AJ: Yeah.

Kristin: I want to be staying in a place at least one week, two weeks would be ideal. Because, y’know, when we travel we tend to travel for two to three months. But even now, like, even just living in San Francisco, in the past I would have always thought like, oh, this place sounds good. I would like to move there, or this place, or, y’know, the grass is always greener, right?

AJ: Yeah.

Kristin: But now I just find I want to stay here or if not here…

AJ: Have your roots somewhere.

Kristin: Have my roots somewhere because I do have friends here and that’s a part of it is when you’re moving you have to start all over again.

AJ: Yeah, and there’s a flip side, I think that we’ve done a good number of conversations and lessons and things about all the positive benefits of traveling, and there are many, many. But there are also benefits to having roots somewhere. I know in our society, probably in modern society in general, but American society is very extreme in how mobile we are and how often people move. I mean I can just think of my childhood. We moved every three to four years and then when I became…

Kristin: Oh, wow.

AJ: Yeah, man, it was a lot. My dad got moved around a lot. And then as an adult, y’know, I lived in Georgia, I lived in South Carolina, lived in Korea, lived in Japan, California, Thailand. I mean all these places I’ve lived. So I’ve got friends, I feel like I actually have a lot of friends, good friends, but they’re all over the place, not in one spot.

Kristin: Yeah. Yeah, it’s, well, and like, y’know, our families, well, when you’re in America a lot of times you’re in California so our families are across the country even. I only see them one time a year really.

AJ: Exactly, y’know, I consider you and Joe and Wat to be family and so I love seeing you guys, but you’re in San Francisco. Then my mom’s side of the family, which is most of my extended family, they’re all in Indiana. Then I’ve got my dad down in Georgia and my other grandmother down there. Tomoe, my wife’s family, they’re all in Japan.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: Good friend, Kenny, down in Indonesia, it’s like…good lord, my fantasy is just to get, if I could convince everybody to move to one place then I would have this incredible community of family and close friends.

Kristin: That is one of the good things about the internet is how much more global the world is becoming.

AJ: Yes.

Kristin: And it’s nice that there’s Facetime, things like Facetime….

AJ: Skype.

Kristin: Skype, where you can actually see each other on video and not only talk but actually see each other. But it’s not quite the same as being in person.

AJ: No, absolutely, it’s not the same. It doesn’t replace it. It’s sort of a way to keep relationships going while you’re apart.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: But it doesn’t replace face-to-face, and yeah, I find too that I still love travel. I’m sure I always will. But I am tired of moving so much. I’ve just been moving around and really, really tired. And I really just want to have…for me it’s going to have to be two places because, y’know, Tomoe wants to be near her family in Japan and I want to be near my friends and family in America. But I think I feel like I just want to, y’know, spend…get in one place and each place, each country and just spend a lot of time in each one. And then travel as more of a vacation, instead of what I’ve been doing which is just constantly moving around. And it’s very exhausting.

Kristin: Yep, yep. Yeah, you know, my…my parents would love to have me move back to Georgia, or someone in the area, in the southeast…

AJ: Yeah.

Kristin: …if not Georgia. And I remember, y’know, there were several times or there was a period of time when I was talking to my mom a lot about wanting to leave San Francisco. I just wasn’t happy here. And she would just latch onto that. “Well, y’know, it’s so much cheaper back here and you’ve got your family here and you still have friends here, and blah, blah, blah.” But as I was telling her, y’know, yes, I have my family, and I have high school friends but I’m not necessarily as close to them anymore.

AJ: Yeah.

Kristin: So, and if I’m not in Georgia, if I’m in another state, a neighboring state like North Carolina, I have no friends really.

AJ: You’re starting over again.

Kristin: I’m totally starting over. And that’s hard. And that’s what I was trying to tell her. That’s one of the things that’s kind of kept me here. I’ve been here 10 years now, I think, 9 or 10 years at this point.

AJ: Yeah, I get it. Y’know, it’s kind of a…it’s a push-pull like I feel, too. Because there’s certain kinds of places that I personally like, based on my values and life experiences, so I like more interesting, kind of open places. Y’know, like cool cities like Bangkok or Kyoto or San Francisco, right? So I enjoy those kind of places, but then I’ve got most of my extended family is in a small little town in Indiana. So I want to be near them. I love being near them. But, man, their town is so boring for me and I just, I find it so boring, so conservative. It’s not a place I would ever choose to live on my own.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: And so then it’s this…so it’s a conflict, like on one hand I want to be near my family and spend lots of time with them, on the other hand I want to live in an interesting place that is more…

Kristin: Right.

AJ: …stimulating for me, not in a really boring, conservative, Midwest town.

Kristin: Right.

AJ: So same for you, right?

Kristin: Oh yeah.

AJ: I mean you don’t really want to go back to this small town in Georgia.

Kristin: No, no. Although it’s funny, y’know, after being in a city for so many years, the idea of going to a smaller place, a part of me would like that but another part thinks, “God, it would be kind of lonely.” Like…

AJ: Hm.

Kristin: Especially in a smaller place where people aren’t walking, which is most places in America, actually. People are driving. Y’know, that’s one of the things I like about San Francisco is that there’s people out walking everywhere. You just feel like you’re always around people.

AJ: Mm-hm.

Kristin: So I know it would be a big adjustment going to a smaller place and everybody’s in their cars. You’re not seeing them out on the street…

AJ: Yeah.

Kristin: …the sidewalks, walking everywhere. It would just kind of have a more desolate feel.

AJ: And I think that is kind of American and it’s a problem, maybe in some other countries, too. One of the issues is that our small towns and even medium-sized towns have died, y’know, they’ve lost a lot of their vitality. They’re not as interesting. I think in some places in Europe it’s a bit different that I’ve noticed.

Kristin: Mm.

AJ: So, whereas here, it’s like all the action, all the interesting things, all the cultural things, all the, like you said, people being out and walking around and interacting more. It’s actually happening more in cities now.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: Instead of maybe, I don’t know, maybe 50 or 100 years ago with small towns.

Kristin: Not all cities, though, too.

AJ: Yeah, right.

Kristin: I can be in Atlanta and it feels so desolate.

AJ: Yeah, and isolated.

Kristin: Like where is everybody?

AJ: Yeah, right.

Kristin: Because everybody’s in a car.

AJ: Yeah, New York, Chicago, San Francisco…in America, that’s about it.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: Maybe New Orleans somewhat.

Kristin: Yep.

AJ: Yeah, I know. It’s a dilemma, really, is this thing of trying to balance feeling rooted and connected.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: But wanting to be in places that are interesting and stimulating.

Kristin: Yeah.

AJ: And fit your own values.

Kristin: Right.

AJ: I don’t know what the solution is, honestly. Oh, well.