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Presupposition – Interactive Lesson A

Hi, this is AJ and welcome. Welcome VIP to our interactive A lesson. Now, in the A part I will teach you some vocabulary from a video. This month we have a video from Brian Tracy. Brian Tracy is a business coach. He teaches public speaking. He teaches persuasion. He teaches negotiation. So I’m going to first play all of the video, it’s about six minutes. So I’ll play it without stopping, then I will go back I will play it again, I will stop after the sentences, after the phrases and I will teach you the vocabulary he uses.

Then in part B I will ask you questions about this vocabulary, about the phrases, about the video. The questions will help you learn faster, better and deeper.

Now, in this video Brian Tracy will teach you another persuasion technique, another one. This one is called the Law of Reciprocity. The law of reciprocity; I will teach you the meaning of that word in a minute. All right, time for the video. Here it is, Brian Tracy.

Let’s talk today about negotiation tactics. One of the most powerful of all is called persuasion by reciprocation.

Now this is based on what is called the law of reciprocity. It’s considered by many to be the most powerful law of human nature. What it says is this, if you do something nice for me, I’ll do something nice for you. I feel obligated to reciprocate. For example, if we go out to lunch together and I say I’ll pick up the lunch, you’ll almost always say, then I’ll pay for it next time and next time you insist on paying for the lunch.

Now, there’s several different types of reciprocation. There is, of course, emotional reciprocation where you make people feel good. You say thank you it’s a pleasure to meet you, I know how busy you are. Thank you very much for your time. This is a beautiful company or it’s a great opportunity for me to speak to you. Whenever you say anything that causes people to feel better about themselves, they have a deep unconscious need to reciprocate.

There’s another type of reciprocation which is called material or financial reciprocation.

When you do something physical for someone. For example, you help someone load their car. They want to help you load their car. If you lend people money or your lawnmower. They want to pay you back by reciprocating in some way. We always like to do things for others because we have, according to psychologists, this deep need to be even. So if you do something for me, the only way that I can get even is by doing something for you. By the way, the reverse is also true. If you do something that hurts me then I feel a deep need to get even as well, so be careful.

So the starting point of reciprocation is look for opportunities to do things for others. Something as simple as bringing a cutout from a newspaper that may be of interest to a prospect. Something as simple as giving a person a book or something like that. Something as simple as opening the door or getting a cup of coffee. It’s a very powerful technique to cause people to like you and to feel obligated to you.

Use the Socratic Method. The Socratic Method is simply by asking a lot of questions. The more questions you ask of another person and listen closely to the answers, the more they like you and the more they’re open to be influenced by you. You’ll find, by the way, that in negotiating is that the more questions you ask and the more open you seem to appear to being reasonable and to seeing things from the other person’s point of view, the more reasonable they will be as well. They will reciprocate.

Now, whenever there’s a disagreement in a negotiation, and I’ve negotiated 50-60 page agreements that were worth many millions of dollars and covered multi-year time spans. You’d always say this, let’s come back to this. So you put off any cause or part of a negotiation where there is some difficulty, resistance or pushback to say, let’s put that aside for now. Let’s go through the rest of the material and then let’s come back to that later.

Now in negotiating one of the rules is to agree slowly. It’s very easy to agree quickly, but even if you have no problems with a particular issue, always go slowly with the issue. The slower you go the more strength you have later on when you come to issues that are of greater importance to you. You can also push the fairness button and use the word fair over and over again. They have found in television debates, especially in politics that the politician who uses the word fair; when they say you know, that’s not a fair interpretation, that’s not a fair way to describe this situation or that wouldn’t be fair to me or someone else. You’ll find that in current politics they always use the word, well, people aren’t paying their fair share.

And, no matter what the truth of the matter is, the word fair triggers an emotional feeling to be even, that you should back off rather than being unfair. Remember, children are always saying that’s not fair, that’s not fair, because they know how strong the word is.

Ask the other party to reciprocate. Here’s a rule in negotiating is never give something without getting something in return. Even if what you give is of no real concern or value to you, always ask for something in return. If you don’t ask for something in return, then soon they will ask things from you and not reciprocate at all.

And remember, the final point is that price and terms are different. You can pay almost any price if you can name the terms. I remember, one of the best negotiators said, I will pay you $1000 for that gold Cross pen in your pocket, even though it only cost $150; I’ll pay you $1000 for it if I can name the terms. The terms are, is every time I pass you on the street in New York on a Wednesday, I will give you $1 until $1000 is covered and no interest. So therefore, you can agree to a higher price, as long as you can agree to terms that are much more favorable to you.

Thanks for watching. So what is the one thing that you’re going to do in your next negotiation, based on what you have learned in this video?

Okay, there we go. That is the end of the video. So very good, very good. This is about a negotiation tactic, persuasion tactic called the Law of Reciprocity or reciprocation. Let me teach you about these words.

Vocabulary

Negotiation – Negotiation is like a discussion right. It’s when you try to make an agreement. You try to make a contract or an agreement. You have two sides, maybe more than two sides, usually two. So one side wants something, the other side wants something else. You have to discuss, you have to negotiate until you both agree. That’s called negotiation. It’s a discussion to make an agreement.

Tactics – A tactic is like a plan of attack, a way of doing something, for winning something.

So we have two words that have a similar meaning; strategy and tactics; strategy and tactics. They actually are a little different. Strategy gives you the idea of a big picture, the really big plan to win, the really big plan. Tactics are more like specific techniques, specific techniques to win, to be victorious.

Okay, let’s play the video now. I will pause occasionally and explain the vocabulary that he’s using. Let’s go.

Let’s talk today about negotiation tactics. One of the most powerful of all is called persuasion by reciprocation.

Okay, one of the most powerful negotiation tactics is persuasion by reciprocation.

Persuasion – you know that’s changing someone’s mind about something, getting them to do what you want them to do or getting them to agree to something.

So persuasion by…

Reciprocation – Reciprocation, this is an interesting word. Reciprocation means repayment, to pay someone back; reciprocation. It means if someone does something to you, you do the same to them.

It could have a negative feeling, a negative situation. If someone hits you in the face you reciprocate, you hit them in the face. But it also has a positive meaning, which is what Brian Tracy is talking about. If I help you, then you help me that’s reciprocation right, I help you; I give to you, now you give back to me. It’s an exchange, like an exchange, a repayment.

Why is this good for persuasion?

Now this is based on what is called the law of reciprocity.

This is based on the law of reciprocity. So reciprocity has the same meaning. Reciprocation and reciprocity same meaning.

It’s considered by many to be the most powerful law of human nature.

It’s considered by many to be the most powerful law of human nature.

It’s considered – it’s believed, it’s thought by many, many people to be the most powerful law of human nature. Interesting.

So human nature – it means our natural state of all humans.

What it says is this, if you do something nice for me, I’ll do something nice for you. I feel obligated to reciprocate.

So this is the law of reciprocity, if you do something nice for me, I will do something nice for you. I feel obligated to reciprocate. Getting some big vocabulary here. I feel obligated to reciprocate. Okay reciprocate, you know, means repay. Right, to… well it can be money but it can also just be an action, so to repay. So I feel obligated…

Obligated – means pressured or, like you feel like you must do something right. You must do something. Obligated, you feel forced to do something.

You feel like you were urged or required to do something. It’s a feeling of pressure, like you must do something, you’re required to do it. It’s not just a free choice you feel a pressure. So what this is saying this law of reciprocity, it’s saying that, look, if someone does something nice for you, you feel a pressure right. You feel this strong pressure, almost a requirement, a psychological requirement to do something nice for them in return, to reciprocate (that’s the verb), to reciprocate, to repay.

And also, if someone does something bad to you, you also feel inside psychologically, you feel a need, you feel obligated, you feel it’s necessary that you must… you feel obligated to reciprocate. You almost feel obligated to do something not nice to them. Okay, this is the law of reciprocity.

Let’s keep going.

For example, if we go out to lunch together and I say I’ll pick up the lunch…

Okay so now an example. He says, for example, if we go to lunch together, if we go out to lunch together and I say, I’ll pick up the lunch. That’s a nice phrase.

I’ll pick up the lunch – means I will pay for the lunch, kind of an idiom. So if you say hey, don’t worry, I’ll pick up the lunch, you’re saying I will pay for it. Or you can also say, I’ll pick up the bill, that’s where this comes from. I will pick up the bill. I will pick up the check. So literally, it means with your hands you pick it up, but the idiom means that you will take care of it, you will pay it. So you can do this, if you go to lunch with a friend or with someone, if you want to be nice, if you want to pay for it just say, I’ll pick it up or I’ll pick up the lunch or I’ll pick up the bill. They all mean the same thing.

You’ll almost always say, then I’ll pay for it next time.

So he’s saying if you say that, almost always the other person will say, I’ll pay for it next time right. I do this he’s right. I do this all the time. If I go to a lunch or dinner, someone pays for it they say oh, I’ll pick it up and they pay for my lunch. Then almost always I will say, okay, I’ll pay next time, right. So this is the law of reciprocity. I want to reciprocate. I want to pay back the nice behavior later.

And next time you insist on paying for the lunch. And next time you insist on paying for the lunch.

To insist – means to demand. It means to demand it’s not a request. It’s not a question. You’re not asking. You’re not saying, can I pay next time? You’re saying, I will, I insist, I demand that I will pay next time.

So, usually you will insist on reciprocity. You will insist on repaying the nice behavior, the nice action. That’s the law of reciprocity.

Now, there’s several different types of reciprocation. There’s several different types, several different kinds of reciprocation, of repayment.

There is, of course, emotional reciprocation where you make people feel good.

One type of emotional reciprocation. That’s where if you make people feel good, you give them a good emotional feeling then they want to make you feel good.

You say thank you it’s a pleasure to meet you, I know how busy you are.

For example, if you say thank you, pleasure to meet you, I know how busy you are. Basically, you’re very, very polite.

Thank you very much for your time or this is a beautiful company or it’s a great opportunity for me to speak to you.

This is a beautiful company, it’s a great opportunity for me to speak to you; these are just examples of being polite and giving compliments.

Whenever you say anything that causes people to feel better about themselves, they have a deep unconscious need to reciprocate.

Whenever you say anything that makes people to feel better about themselves, they have a deep unconscious need to reciprocate.

A deep unconscious need – so deep means not at the top but down low, deep inside. Unconscious means you’re not actively thinking about it, they don’t realize it maybe. Maybe they’re not aware of this need, but they still have a deep need, an emotional need to be nice to you, to reciprocate, to pay back your kindness.

There’s another type of reciprocation which is called material or financial reciprocation, when you do something physical for someone.

So there’s another kind called material reciprocation or financial reciprocation.

Material – means physical right. Material is something you can touch, something you can feel. A cup is a material object. You can actually pick it up. You can hold it. But an idea is not material right, you can’t touch an idea. You can’t really see it. And a good example of this is financial. So he’s saying, if you do something physical, you physically help someone they want to physically help you and he gives an example now.

For example, you help someone load their car. They want to help you load your car.

To load – means to pack. It means to put things into.

For example, if someone’s moving… this is a good example… if someone’s moving, they’re changing their apartment or their house, then you could help them. Say I’ll help you move. It’s no fun to move, so you go, you help them pick up the boxes. You help them carry the furniture. Well, they will feel obligated right, they will feel a need to do something nice for you, you don’t need to ask them. Most people, not all people, there are people who are not friendly and don’t do this, but for most people they will feel obligated to reciprocate. So they’ll want to do something nice for you. Maybe they’ll take you to dinner or, when you move if you move to a new house in the future, they will feel obligated to help you. If you lend people money or your lawnmower. They want to pay you back by reciprocating in some way.

Okay so another example, if you lend people money, if you loan them money… lend and loan mean the same thing. It means you give something to someone but then you expect them to pay it back later. So you can loan money or lend money, same meaning.

Or, if you lend someone, like he said a lawnmower, that’s the machine to cut your grass or anything. If you lend them or let them borrow something from you, then they want to do something nice for you also.

We always like to do things for others because we have, according to psychologists, this deep need to be even.

So according to psychologists we have this deep need to be even.

Even – means equal. It means at the same level. So he’s saying, according to psychologists, we have a deep need to be even. We don’t want to be behind. We don’t want to be ahead. We have this feeling that we don’t want to owe people right, we don’t want to feel like we owe someone, they did a bunch of nice stuff for us, we did nothing for them it’s not even, or the opposite. If we do a lot of nice things for someone and they do nothing for us, it also doesn’t feel good. After a while it doesn’t feel good it’s not even; you’re giving, giving, giving; they take, take, take. If they don’t also give then psychologically you won’t feel good.

So if you do something for me, the only way that I can get even is by doing something for you.

If you do something for me, the only way that I can get even is by doing something for you.

To get even – it just means to get equal, to become equal. Equal meaning, like with actions, with reciprocity.

By the way, the reverse is also true. If you do something that hurts me then I feel a deep need to get even as well.

Okay, so now he mentions the negative side of this. If you do something bad to me, if you do something mean to me, I also feel a deep psychological need to get even, right, to do something bad to you.

In fact, this idiom to get even, it’s usually used in the negative way. If you say, I’m going to get even with him, it usually means you’re going to do something bad to him because he did something bad to you. Usually that phrase we use in the negative situation.

So the starting point of reciprocation is look for opportunities to do things for others.

This is the nice part about this persuasion technique. He says the starting point of this persuasion technique, the law of reciprocity, reciprocation, is look for ways to do things for other people, to do nice things, to do good things for other people. Constantly be thinking about and looking for ways to be nice to other people, to help other people, especially people you want to persuade.

Something as simple as bringing a cutout from a newspaper that may be of interest to a prospect. He gives an example, something as simple as bringing a cutout from a newspaper that may be of interest to a prospect. Let’s go to the beginning…

A cutout – it means literally you cut a piece. It means a piece. So, if you have a newspaper let’s say, maybe there’s an article in the newspaper, a story you think someone would like so you cut it out. If it’s online you can’t do this, but if it’s a newspaper you can get scissors and you cut out the article. That’s a cutout. That piece is called a cutout. So he’s saying you’d bring a cutout from a newspaper to a prospect, a prospect. This is usually used in business.

A prospect (when you’re talking about a person) – a prospect is someone you are trying to sell to. They are a potential customer. They’re not a customer yet they’re a potential customer. You hope they will become a customer.

Something as simple as giving a person a book or something like that.

Something as simple as giving a person a book or something like that, something similar.

Something as simple as opening the door or getting a cup of coffee. It’s a very powerful technique to cause people to like you and to feel obligated to you.

So just doing these nice little things, taking someone coffee, taking them a little gift, saying nice things, being polite. These are small things, they seem like nothing, but they can add up and become powerful ways to persuade, because they get people to feel obligated to feel pressured, psychologically, to do nice things for you.

Use the Socratic Method. The Socratic Method is simply by asking a lot of questions.

So another technique for this is to use the Socratic Method.

Socratic – is an adjective. It comes from the name Socrates. Socrates was a Greek philosopher and his teaching method was to ask a lot of questions. He didn’t teach by telling his students things, he taught by asking them constantly questions, questions, questions, questions, so the students would figure out the answers themselves.

So he’s saying this is also a good technique when you’re trying to persuade someone, because people love to talk about themselves. They love to talk about their own ideas. Most people in the world prefer to talk instead of listening. So, take advantage of that, use that by asking them lots and lots and lots of questions. You encourage them to talk about themselves. Most people will like that, it makes them feel good.

The more questions you ask of another person and listen closely to the answers, the more they like you and the more they’re open to be influenced by you.

He’s saying the more questions you ask, and you must listen carefully to their answers you can’t ignore them, but if you ask a lot of questions and you listen carefully to their answers they will feel better about you and you will be able to persuade them. They will want to agree with you. They will like you more. It does work.

You’ll find, by the way, that in negotiating is that the more questions you ask and the more open you seem to appear to being reasonable and to seeing things from the other person’s point of view, the more reasonable they will be as well. They will reciprocate.

The more questions you ask and the more open you seem to appear to be open, to being reasonable, to being open to the other person’s point of view. He’s saying you see this in negotiation, like business negotiation, that when you are very open, when you ask a lot of questions, when you seem to care about the other side and their ideas and needs, they will start to care more about your needs and your side.

The more reasonable they will be as well.

They will become more reasonable. The more reasonable they will be as well. So if you’re reasonable and open and listen, then they will usually, they will tend to be more open and reasonable because of reciprocity.

They will reciprocate. Now, whenever there’s a disagreement in a negotiation, and I’ve negotiated 50-60 page agreements that were worth many millions of dollars

So he’s saying whenever there’s a disagreement in a negotiation and he says I have negotiated many, many… I’ve done many negotiations worth $50 million dollars, many millions of dollars. So he’s done a lot of big negotiations.

And covered multi-year time spans.

That have covered multi-year time spans.

Time span- is just a length of time.

Multi-year – means more than one year.

So he’s saying, he has done negotiations that lasted for several years. So they were negotiating for years until they reached an agreement, until they agreed. So he’s done very long negotiations. He’s done big negotiations for lots of money.

You’d always say this, well, let’s come back to this.

He’s saying you would always say or I would always say, let’s come back to this. When you say let’s in English you’re suggesting something. Let’s go to the store. You’re suggesting, why don’t we go to the store? I want to go to the store. Let’s all go to the store together. Let’s come back to this, so return. Let’s return to this. What he’s saying is that, in a negotiation if you disagree, if there’s something you disagree about, don’t continue to argue about it for a long time. When it’s clear, when you see that there’s no agreement just say okay, let’s come back to this. In other words, you delay that point. You stop talking about that point and you come back to that point at a later time, instead of arguing about it forever, which is what a lot of people do.

So you put off any cause or part of a negotiation where there is some difficulty or resistance

So you put off any cause or part of a negotiation where there is some difficulty or resistance.

Resistance – means pushback, pushing back right, something that tries to stop you. It means you’re trying to stop, resistance. So if you push against a heavy weight, like you’re lifting weights to get strong, if you push against the weight the weight is resisting you. Actually it’s gravity from the earth, it is resisting you, it’s pushing back against you that’s why it’s hard.

So he’s saying in negotiation you have this too you have resistance where you will be negotiating and the other side will push back against you. You want something. They don’t want it, so they’re resisting, they’re pushing against you. So he’s saying when this happens don’t argue, just say, let’s come back to this. Or pushback to say, let’s put that aside for now. Let’s go through the rest of the material

Let’s put that aside for now, put it to the side, delay it, ignore it for now and come back to it later.

And then let’s come back to that later.

Now in negotiating one of the rules is to agree slowly.

So in negotiation another rule is to agree slowly. So he’s saying there’s another tactic of persuasion in negotiation. Don’t agree to anything quickly, even if you agree. If the other side says something and you agree, don’t immediately say okay yes. Agree slowly, take your time, be patient.

It’s very easy to agree quickly, but even if you have no problems with a particular issue, always go slowly with the issue.

Always go slowly with the issue, even if you have no problems with an issue, always go slowly with it. He will explain why, now.

The slower you go the more strength you have later on

The slower you go the more strength you have later on in the negotiation.

When you come to issues that are of greater importance to you.

When you come to issues that are of greater importance to you, that are more important to you.

You can also push the fairness button

You can also push the fairness button. This is kind of an idiom.

To push the fairness button – it just means to push the fairness issue.

What does that mean? He just means, talk about fairness. Talk constantly about fairness. I want this to be fair. I want to be fair. Fair again, has this idea of being even. It’s even, it’s the same for both sides.

And use the word fair over and over again.

Use the word fair over and over again.

They have found in television debates, especially in politics that the politician

They have found in television debates, especially in politics that the politician who uses the word fair…

Uses the word fair; when they say you know, that’s not a fair interpretation,

That’s not a fair interpretation, he’s giving examples of using the word fair.

Interpretation – means analysis or understanding. That’s not a fair way to describe this situation

That’s not a fair way to describe this situation

Or that wouldn’t be fair to me or someone else.

That wouldn’t be fair to me or someone else. These are just examples of using the word fair.

You’ll find that in current politics they always use the word,

In current politics they always use the word, fair. They say it again and again and again, fair, fair, fair.

People aren’t paying their fair share.

People aren’t paying their fair share; another example.

And, no matter what the truth of the matter is, the word fair triggers an emotional feeling

No matter what the truth of the matter is, maybe the politicians lying, maybe they’re telling the truth doesn’t matter. What he’s saying the technique is, because when they use the word fair it triggers an emotional feeling in the listeners.

To trigger – means to start, to create. Right, so it creates an emotional feeling, suddenly.

To be even, that you should back off rather than being unfair.

You should back off rather than being unfair.

To back off – means to stop, to go back, to step backwards.

Remember, children are always saying that’s not fair, that’s not fair, because they know how strong the word is.

He’s saying remember, children are always saying that’s not fair, that’s not fair. It’s true they do say that all the time. He’s saying they use that word because they know how powerful it is. Kids understand that this word fair is very powerful. That’s not fair.

Ask the other party to reciprocate. Here’s a rule in negotiating is never give something without getting something in return.

He’s saying sometimes you have to ask, you need to ask the other party, the other group, the other person to reciprocate. Ask for something in return. So when you give you need to ask. Some people, many people they will automatically reciprocate. They’ll automatically give back, but not all people, not all people, not all people will automatically do it. So, in negotiation, in persuasion sometimes you have to ask them to reciprocate. So you do something nice and then you have to say okay, I want you to do this. I gave you this so you need to give me that. Sometimes you need to specifically ask for reciprocation.

Even if what you give is of no real concern or value to you, always ask for something in return. He’s saying you always, always, always ask for something in return, even if you give something you don’t care about, it’s not important to you, you should still always ask the other person or people to reciprocate. Always ask for something in return.

If you don’t ask for something in return, then soon they will ask things from you and not reciprocate at all.

This is the danger see, he’s saying if you don’t ask for something in return, then you can assume they will ask for something from you and they won’t reciprocate. You know people like this. There are people like this in the world. There are many people like this in the world. They will just take and take and take and take and take. They will continually take from you if you don’t ask for something in return. That’s not good for negotiation. It’s not good for persuasion. It’s not good for happiness in your life.

So, just because you do something nice it doesn’t mean that you let people take from you all the time. No, no, no, you do something nice, you give something but then you ask for something else in return, and you have to specifically do this.

And remember, the final point is that price and terms are different.

And remember, the final point is that price and terms are different.

Price – is how much you pay.

Terms – means the rules. The rules of paying. The rules of doing something. The rules of a contract. Those are the terms.

You can pay almost any price if you can name the terms. I remember, one of the best negotiators said, I will pay you $1000

So he gives an example, one of the best negotiators says, I will pay you $1000 for that gold Cross pen, Cross is the brand. If I can name the terms. If I can decide the rules of payment.

For that gold Cross pen in your pocket, even though it only cost $150; I’ll pay you $1000 for it.

Even though, so the pen’s only worth $150, but he said I will pay you $1000 for it.

If I can name the terms. The terms are, is every time I pass you on the street

The terms are, the rules for payment are, every time I pass you on the street in New York City on a Wednesday, I will pay you $1. I think that’s what he said.

Of course you would never get paid back, because that’s not going to happen. That will almost never happen, so you agree on a price but if that’s the terms you only get paid $1 each time you meet in New York City accidentally on a Wednesday. Obviously, it means you’ll never really get your money back.

In New York on a Wednesday, I will give you $1 until $1000 is covered

Until the $1000 is covered, is paid back and there’s no interest. So no interest payment, there’s no additional money to pay.

And no interest. So therefore, you can agree to a higher price, as long as you can agree to terms that are much more favorable to you. You can agree to a higher price, that means you’re giving something to the other person, as long as if, you can decide the terms, the rules of payment. You could give something to them, a higher price, but then you decide the rules of repayment. They’re giving something to you. This is reciprocity again.

We’re gonna end right there. I think that’s enough. I hope you enjoyed this quite long vocabulary lesson. Let’s go to part B where I’ll ask you questions and you’ll learn it more deeply.

See you in the next part.