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Presupposition – Commentary

Hello, this is AJ and welcome to the commentary for this months’ lesson.

In the commentary let’s talk about some specifics, specifically, how do you persuade someone? In the video I told you that the first part, the foundation of persuasion is that you have to be certain inside. You have to have that strong certainty inside, right. If you want someone else to do something, if you believe that something is good, you know, some kind of action, some kind of behavior, some kind of agreement. If you believe it’s good, then you have to have a strong belief in yourself first.

They will feel your certainty. If you have doubt they will feel it. Now doubt is the opposite of certainty. Doubt is the opposite of certainty. Certainty means 100% you believe something. You believe it’s true. You believe it’s good, 100%. Doubt means less, maybe it’s only 50%. And see this is the problem, if you’re trying to persuade someone else, for sales, for negotiation, your children, a friend, where to go to eat, it doesn’t matter what the topic is if you’re trying to persuade other people and you have doubt inside, they will feel your doubt.

Even if you use all these great techniques, the techniques will not work because of your doubt so you first must convince yourself, you first must persuade yourself that’s the first step always, to build up, to strengthen your own certainty because people will feel that. After you have that certainty inside, once you create that, once you persuade yourself then you’re ready to persuade others and to use some of these techniques. You could try some of the techniques that Brian Tracy talked about, you know, reciprocity; giving something, doing something nice and then asking the other person to give back to you in a certain way.

We call that give and take, right. Keeping things even. Reciprocity’s good, but you can also use specific language patterns. You see, even if you feel 100% certain inside, if you use weak language, if you use doubtful language you will not persuade. So you have to get the emotion of feeling certain, but you also have to have the language of certainty. Let’s talk about how to do that.

You must replace doubt words with certainty words. An example of a doubt word is –if –. If is a doubt word. If shows doubt that’s the whole meaning of if. If I go to the store I will buy spaghetti. If means you’re not sure. Maybe you will go to the store maybe you won’t It automatically shows doubt, you’re not sure. To show certainty, to communicate certainty instead use the word when. When I go to the store I will buy spaghetti. When shows certainty, it means I am definitely going to the store 100%. It’s a much stronger word.

So, if you’re trying to persuade someone, let’s say you’re a kid, like I mentioned in the video. When you take a bath wash your hair. You don’t say if you take a bath. If you say if you take a bath then it’s very weak. You say, when you take a bath wash your hair. When shows more certainty. Other words of doubt, weak words are might, maybe and you know, maybe we can agree. Maybe we can agree, then you’re again communicating doubt and it means you probably won’t agree, the other person will feel that. Instead you say, when we agree, because that shows certainty. That communicates that you feel 100% you will agree.

Another thing you can do with presuppositions, assuming, agreement is you can ask questions. So again, certain questions show doubt and certain ones show certainty. Let me give you an example. You could say– let’s say you’re at the airport and your flight is cancelled and you go to the desk and you want them to pay for your hotel. You think, well, they should pay for my hotel. I need a free hotel room, I have to spend the night because my flight was cancelled. So, there’s two ways you could ask them.

One way shows doubt and is weak. You could say, will you give me a free hotel room? Will you give me a free hotel room? That’s open, it shows doubt. They can say yes or they can say no. So it’s weak it’s not persuasive.

Instead, a better way, a more persuasive way is you say, which hotel room will you give me? Or, which hotel will you pay for tonight?

That’s strong. You’re assuming. You’re presupposing that they are definitely paying for the hotel. You don’t ask them, will you; will you do it or not, yes or no? No, you automatically assume yes. You assume they are already doing it, you’re just asking them which hotel. This is a great way to get agreement. It’s a great way to persuade. When you ask questions’ is give a choice between two things, but two things that you want.

Another way, you could say, are you going to pay for the Hyatt or for the Hilton tonight? You’re assuming, you’re assuming they are definitely paying for the hotel that’s certain, 100%. The only question is, which hotel will they pay for?

Another one, let’s say you’re shopping, you’re trying to buy something that’s expensive like a car. You could say, can I have a discount? Can I have a discount? That’s weak. Again, it’s uncertain right, it shows doubt. Can I have a discount? They can answer yes. They can answer no, they can say no. It’s uncertain. It shows weakness. Instead you say, how much of a discount are you giving me? How much of a discount are you giving me? That assumes, you’re assuming, you’re certain they will give you a discount, the only question is how much. You could say, will you give me a 10% discount or a 15% discount?

Again, you assume, you presuppose, yes, they are giving a discount. Now you’re just negotiating on the number. This is much more certain. It’s much more persuasive. Salesman use these techniques all the time. You can use them again with your children too, right? You could say, do you want to take a bath now or in 10 minutes? There’s no question they’re taking the bath. You’re not debating it. You’re not discussing if they will take a bath, it’s only a question of now or 10 minutes from now.

You can also use this in job interviews. See, a lot of people are very weak in job interviews they use uncertain language. So you say, if you hire me I’ll work hard every day. If you hire me I’ll work hard every day. That’s weak. The word –if– is uncertain. It means you’re not sure they will hire you. Instead you say, when you hire me, you will be grateful. You will be grateful, because I am going to do a great job. That’s so much stronger. You assume they are hiring you. You assume you have the job, so you say when you hire me or when I work for you, I will definitely make you happy. It shows certainty, you’re assuming you have the job. That’s persuasive, it shows strong confidence. It’s persuasive.

Another way you can do this, you can use the phrase you know. You can assume, you assume they agree, again. See, a lot of times when we’re negotiating or when we’re trying to persuade a lot of people that are weak they don’t have certainty, so they’ll say something like, you need to clean your room or I want you to clean your room. That’s okay but it’s still a little bit weak, right? It’s just showing your preference but you’re not assuming they will do it. You’re not 100% certain they will do it. You’re saying I want you to do it. You need to do it, but it still shows uncertainty because you’re not sure 100% that they will do it. Here’s a better way to say this to a child. You know you’re going to clean your room today. You know you’re going to clean your room today. That phrase you know, you assume, you presuppose that they already know this. They already agree. They already realize this, right. You assume that and you are going to or you will clean your room, not you need to, not you have to, not you must; you will. You are showing 100% certainty.

Number one, you’re certain that they know this that they agree with you and they know it.

Number two, you’re certain they will do it. They are going to do it. There’s no question.

It’s not that you want it. It’s not that you prefer it, no, it’s that you will do it and you know it.

So what you have to do is you have to assume, assume, assume always that they agree. You assume, you presuppose that they will do what you want. So you assume, you’re certain that they agree with you, that they know something must be done and that they will do it. That is persuasive.

Now a few points of how to use this, about how to replace weak language with certain strong language. You replace doubt with certainty. When you do this it’s important to have a friendly tone. You need two things when you do this.

You need to sound friend.

You also need to sound confident.

So you don’t want to sound like you’re angry that’s not effective, people will reciprocate, right. If you sound angry they will want to be angry back. So when you use this language of presupposition, do it when you’re smiling, do it in a friendly way not in an angry way, not in a bossy way. So you say, you know you need to clean your room today. That’s kind of 50% certain. You know you will clean your room today by 4:00. That is 100% certain, but my tone, my non-verbal too, if you could see me it would show friendliness not anger. If you say, you know you will clean your room today, that’s not good. That’s going to make them angry.

But if you say, you know, you will clean your room today by 4:00 and then you can have fun and play. See that sounds more friendly. You can do it while you’re smiling. It’s confident. It’s strong it’s very certainty, but it’s also friendly. That’s the tone you want when you use these phrases, when you use presuppositions. So that’s also very important is how you do it, to do it in a friendly but confident way.

With your non-verbal, with your body as you say these sentences confidently using certainty, using presuppositions, use open gestures. That means show your hands, the palms of your hands right, the inside parts of your hands. Use gestures where your hands are facing and open, facing the person not closed, not holding yourself. Holding yourself is a closed position. Opening your arms right with wider… opening your hands more, showing your hands, smiling… all of these show friendliness. So use open gestures, non-verbal communication that’s friendly and confident. So your shoulders are back and you have eye contact that’s the confident part, friendly and confident.

Okay, your actions this month. I want you to practice these patterns it takes time. Now some people do this fairly naturally it’s easy, but a lot of people it’s tough. A lot of people they grow up using doubtful words all the time. They think it sounds polite but it’s actually weak. So for some people, if you have bad habits, if you constantly say if-if-if and can I, and saying you need to that’s kind of weak. You’re gonna need to replace that with will, you know, or asking questions; how much of a discount will you give me now? How much of a discount are you giving me, is even stronger?

So I want you to jus practice these language patterns. If you have kids it’s a great way to do it, practice on your kids every day, right. Keep working at it, catch yourself, sometimes you will use uncertain language it’s okay don’t get upset, but just do your best to use these language patterns again and again and again. You can try them with customer service people when you have customer service problems with businesses. Try using these more persuasive phrases, see if you get better results from them. Get what you want more.

Try it, try it, try it you gotta practice. Practice-practice-practice and you will become more and more persuasive. You will get better results.

All right. Let me know how it goes. Tell me on Twitter or Gab. On Twitter and Gab my name is AJHoge, AJHoge. Tell me your experiences being more persuasive with presuppositions.

See you next time. Bye for now.