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Jambands – Coaching Lesson

Hi, this is AJ. Welcome to this month’s coaching lesson, Jambands. When I think about this conversation and the topic of jambands, I really think of freedom. The music is typically about, y’know, being free, y’know, that’s the sort of culture of these bands, this spirit of freedom. And there’s a whole culture of fans that follow these bands, y’know? They’ll follow them around from city to city and attend the concerts and it’s this very, loose, free kind of subculture.

And I think we all need a bit of that. We all need some of that freedom. We all need a little bit of spontaneity in our lives. Y’know, I think that there’s a problem in that it’s easy for us sometimes to become bored by our daily routines, where every day is very similar, almost the same. Y’know, we get up, we go to work, same basic stuff happens at work, we come home, we eat, go to bed. Or we wake up, take care of the kids, whatever.

But we all can quite easily fall into these routines where everything is the same after day after day, week after week, month after month. It’s also quite easy to become stressed by having too many responsibilities, work responsibilities, family responsibilities, financial responsibilities, debts and burdens and all these things we have to do. Now a certain amount of routine or certainty certainly is important and we need that. On the other hand, we need the balance of having enough spontaneity and freedom in our lives as well.

Y’know, I think of a great time I had several years ago where I decided to be as free and loose and spontaneous as possible. I’d been teaching at a job, a fairly unpleasant job, and I went on a trip through Southeast Asia, starting in Thailand. I arrived in Bangkok with no guidebook. I decided that on that trip I was not going to use a guidebook. I would have no plans at all and I would just see what happened and follow my whims and desires and follow the circumstances.

Just be spontaneous, that was my only plan, my only goal for that trip. And it was a long trip, over a month, I think the whole trip was maybe 2-1/2 months. So I arrived in Bangkok with no guidebook, no idea what I was going to do, where I was going to stay. I just ended up taking a taxi to one part of the city and I found a hotel.

And it was a cheap little backpacker’s hotel, kind of like a hostel. And, in fact, I stayed in a big open kind of dorm room, so it was just a big open room on the top floor where they had a bunch of mats, just little pads on the floor for people to sleep. So I think the whole room had about 15 or even 20 people sleeping on the floor. So I got my little pad and put my backpack next to it.

As I was setting up my little pad and unpacking some things from my bag, another guy that was in the room staying there said hello to me and started chatting with me. And he was this kind of crazy guy, this kind of older hippie guy. Definitely kind of crazy, y’know, he was talking and really enthusiastic about Thailand but I could tell that there…y’know, he wasn’t quite normal. There was something a little strange about him.

So, y’know, he kept talking to me and talking to me and I was, y’know, uncertain but I had this idea that I was going to be spontaneous and just follow any strange opportunities that came up. And he presented a strange opportunity to me. He told me that he had been going to the nearby park in the city to do aerobics. Aerobics is kind of like a dancing for exercise. And he invited me to go. He said, “Oh, you should come. It’s most…it’s all of these Thai people doing aerobics in the park.” So he was not the kind of guy I usually would hang out with and I’m not really into aerobics. Doing aerobics is not something I would normally do either. But I thought, why not, right? I’m going to be open.

I’m going to flexible, spontaneous. So I said, “Sure, okay, fine. I’ll go.” And so later that evening I went to the park with him to the aerobics class and, y’know, I just did it a little bit.

But while I was there I met two Thai girls. Their names were Noi and Nid. They were sisters. And we chatted after the class a little bit and they spoke English and they were quite curious who I was and what I was doing. And so we chatted for a while and then they invited me to dinner so I went to dinner with both of them. And it turned out that Noi and Nid ended up becoming good friends of mine.

So I just continued to, y’know, flow and just say yes to any opportunities that came up and our friendship got better and better and then they introduced me to other Thai people and I got to see a very different side of Bangkok, y’know? I got hand out with lots of, y’know, local Thai people. I became good friends with the two of them. I became friends with another girl who eventually married one of my American friends.

So that event of just following this crazy guy to aerobics led to several close friendships. It led to me introducing someone to my American friend and them getting married. It led to me having a very deep and exciting and interesting experience in Thailand with local Thai people instead of just the average tourist experience.

So the outcome, in other words, of being spontaneous, of not having a plan, of just going with the flow as we say in English, the outcome was very positive, very beneficial to me and unexpected. And none of those things would have happened if I hadn’t been more spontaneous than usual, by not planning, by not following a guidebook, by being open to circumstances. These wonderful things happened and I met these wonderful people. It was great.

And that experience, when I think about that experience, I realize that for most of us, including me at times, our lives are over planned. We plan too much. Planning can certainly be important and especially in certain areas of our life, like our career, business, maybe certain things with our family, finances, that kind of thing. So, of course, we need to do some planning for the future, absolutely.

But, unfortunately, we can get into a mindset where we try to plan everything in our life and that we plan too much and that we try to plan for every possible thing that could ever happen. And our lives become too routine, too planned, too rigid. And that’s when we start to feel kind of bored, where life becomes too predictable, where these wonderful surprises like what happened to me in Thailand don’t come to us because we’ve shut them out by following some rigid plan in all parts of our lives.

So we’ve got to have that balance. Yes, planning’s important in some areas of life but in other areas of life it’s important to just be spontaneous and just to see what happens without plans at all and to be just open to any crazy, strange thing that might come. That has a great benefit, too. Another way to put this is that we need both certainty and uncertainty. These are two powerful human needs. They’re both important.

Certainty is another word for security or predictability. We need a certain amount of that in our life to be healthy psychologically. Life can’t be totally random and uncertain or else we get really, really stressed. I mean if you never have any idea what’s going to happen next, if you wake up in the morning and it’s just chaos, then that’s a very stressful situation.

But on the other hand, if you wake up in the morning and you know exactly what’s going to happen the whole day, there’s no surprise, there’s no spontaneity, then that is also very unhealthy. That leads to severe stagnation and a kind of, y’know, half-life where you’re not really even living anymore. You’re just following along this boring plan every day, day after day.

So we need both. You gotta find both in your life. You gotta make sure that you have both, some certainty and security in the important areas and then spontaneity and fun and surprises. You gotta make an effort to bring both into your life. I think modern day, for most of us, we especially need that freedom, that spontaneity. I think most of us in life have a little too much certainty and not enough spontaneity.

Y’know, we can apply this to travel. I travel all the time. I’m traveling internationally constantly. And I see, y’know, many different kinds of travelers. I, myself, have experienced many different kinds of travel.

And for me travel is a good metaphor for life in general. For example, there is a certain kind of travel called group tour. And this is a tour of a country or a city that is completely planned out. Every day, in fact, almost every hour of the trip is planned out.

For example, I once went to Italy with my sister and we got a free trip to Italy, we won some contest. But anyway, it was a group tour. So we went with a group of people and there was a tour guide with us. And we arrived in Rome and from the moment we arrived until we left, there was a schedule and every hour of the day was scheduled. Okay, during this time we will go here and then the group will go here. We will eat at this place. Y’know, it was very, very, very rigid.

Now, I didn’t enjoy that at all because I felt like I got no contact with the local people, the local culture, the feeling of the place at all because I felt like I was just on this scheduled tour with this group of Americans that had no chance to really interact with Italians or Italy at all. Now, the opposite of that would be what I did in Thailand in the story I just told you, which is a very open, flowing kind of tour where you just go someplace and you just wander around with no plan at all and see what happens.

You can do this in your life. You can do this in your own hometown. You can do it on a small scale. You don’t need to do it for a month or six weeks or two months or whatever. You can just do it for a weekend.

So a short time on a small scale is fine but it’s very beneficial to get some more spontaneity in your life.

And it’s a little bit of a paradox in a way to say that it’s a good idea to plan for spontaneity. To plan periods, to schedule periods in your life where you will do no planning at all, where you will be spontaneous, just see what happens. See how you feel and just follow your feelings and follow any crazy opportunities that come up.

It’s nice to think about that. It’s easy for us to say, “Yes, that sounds like a good idea.” The problem is we don’t schedule it. We don’t pick a time where we’re going to do that and so then what happens is that all our responsibilities make us busy and then we never quite find the time to be spontaneous. So I’m telling you to plan times to be spontaneous.

It sounds a little weird but try it out. Here’s what you’re going to do. Number one, you’re going to pick a time period. It might be a weekend, maybe next weekend. And during just the two days, you commit yourself to be completely spontaneous with no plans at all. So you clear your calendar completely, nothing to do, nowhere to go that you have to be.

If you need to, turn off your cell phone so that your job or other people that you don’t want, y’know, calling to make you do something, either turn off your phone or just tell them, y’know, I’m free this weekend. I’m not doing anything. Then during that time period, let’s say it’s a weekend, those two days, you’re going to say yes to invitations, any invitation you get from someone. Say yes to it. You’ll say yes to new people.

So if you just randomly meet some stranger, someone you normally wouldn’t really talk to, or you might say hi and then that’s all. Well, if someone approaches you, instead of doing that, during that two-day period, you’re going to actually talk to them. Like I did with that crazy hippie guy, not someone I normally would hang out with a lot but during that trip I just said “Why not.” And that’s what you’re going to do.

You’re just going to say “Why not” to any and all opportunities that come to you during those two days.

Also, you’re going to say yes to any whims that come up in your mind or your body. A whim is a desire but it’s a very quick desire, just suddenly comes up. Oh, I’d like some chocolate, for example. That’s a whim. It’s nothing deep. It’s not a deep goal. It’s not something you’ve been thinking about a long time.

It’s just a sudden desire that comes up quickly.

Now, in life it’s often a good idea to not follow all of your whims because many of your whims can be unhealthy. However, it is good occasionally in life to just let yourself follow any whim, any desire that you have. And during this little two-day period of freedom, do that. So if you suddenly decide, “I want chocolate,” go get some chocolate and eat it. If you think, “I’d like to go for a swim,” go do it. If you think, “I’d love to travel,” go to another city. Get on a train, go. So whatever comes up in your mind, be free and just follow it.

And then the third step, quite easy, is just see where all of this takes you. Just see what happens.

There’s no judgment. It doesn’t have to be bad or good. It’s just an experience of being free and spontaneous and flowing with life instead of being rigid and planning. You’re just going to go wherever life takes you, wherever your whims take you, wherever circumstances take you. Open yourself up to it and during those two days it’s just about freedom and spontaneity.

What are the benefits? Why should you do this? Number one, it’s fun. It’s fun. I had a great time.

Y’know, I met all these new people. I made these good friends. I had interesting new experiences that I normally never would have had. It was a fantastic time. It’s fun to be spontaneous.

It’s fun to just let go of all our plans and responsibilities and all these ideas in our head of what we must do or should do or what kind of person we are and just say, “Get rid of all that and I’m just gonna do whatever happens, see what happens, do what I want and just go with it.” It’s fun, lots of fun. It’s good to do this sometimes in your life. It will free you up. It will add a lot of energy to your life.

The other thing it does, as you might guess, is it brings in a great amount of creativity. See our creativity can die. A lot of people will say, “I’m not very creative.” Or sometimes people who are creative say, “I can’t think of any new ideas now. I’m stuck.” Well, usually that’s just because you’re not getting any new input. You’re just doing the same basic things every day, every week. You’re still seeing and hanging out with the same people or the same kinds of people.

So to become more creative you need different new input. And this is a great way to do it, by having a weekend like this, who knows what’s going to happen. And when you get all these new, crazy, different, unexpected experiences, it can trigger great ideas in your mind, lots more creativity.

Finally, another great advantage is that after doing this for a couple days, you will return to your normal life with much more energy. You’ll be revitalized. It’s like a vacation in a way. In fact, I’d say it’s even better than a vacation. It’s better than sitting on a beach doing nothing. Sitting on a beach doing nothing is physically relaxing but for your mind it doesn’t do much.

But having a spontaneous weekend of no planning, of following your whims, that is very stimulating to your mind. So when you come back to your normal life you might see things in a new way. You may see or think of solutions to problems that you never would have thought of before. You may decide to make some changes to your life that you didn’t think of before. Great advantages.

So what you’re going to do this month is simply plan two days, it could be a weekend, it could be anytime, where you’re going to be totally and completely spontaneous and free, no plans, no responsibilities, nothing. Just be spontaneous and follow all your crazy ideas. Embrace new people. See what happens.

Alright, tell us about it on our social site. I’ll see you next time. Bye for now.