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Commit – Audio

Hi, I’m AJ and welcome to this month’s VIP lesson. Let’s talk about fears and worries. I think most of us have fears and worries. I’m sure there are things that you fear and that you worry about. Most people, including me, have lots of little worries. For me a lot of times it’s little small things, constantly worrying about little things. And worry and fear are basically the same thing.

Worry is just fear about the future. Just fear about what’s going to happen that’s what worry is. I mean we worry about money right, most people worry about money, they worry about losing their job, worry about the economy getting worse. Sometimes people worry about love and relationships, worry that the person they love won’t love them or like them or will leave or whatever.

English… I know that you probably worry about English, because on my Twitter I constantly get questions and comments and I can see and feel the worry. Worrying about, am I going to ever be fluent in English? Will I ever speak English confidently? Will I ever use English to get better jobs, to travel? Will I ever feel strong and relaxed while speaking English? And, of course, the fear, the worry is that the answer is no. The worry is that it’ll never happen. The worry is that you will never succeed, and I understand that worry.

And we have worries about all different kinds of goals in our life like this, that worry or fear of failure. Same with our health, we naturally worry about our health, especially as we get older or the health of people we love.

So first of all, worry is normal, it’s normal because we can’t control the world. We can’t control the future. We know that things will always change. We know that people get older. We know that bad things do happen and therefore, we worry about those things. So, there’s a certain level of worry that’s okay, if you deal with it correctly, if you use that worry and turn it into learning and planning and being prepared as we’ve talked about recently in some other lessons, so all that’s great.

But, I think there’s another kind of worry that is more common now, that our worries are being made worse and more frequent. Because, we are flooded with, flooded, like lots of water right, we’re flooded with information and this often increases our worries, we start worrying about things that really we shouldn’t worry about. It doesn’t help us. We can’t learn from it, it doesn’t help us. So, for example, if you watch the news, if you watch television news, 24 hour cable news– don’t do it first of all because you can’t trust it– but beyond that you will probably find yourself getting more and more and more worried and fearful, just because what? You’re just getting all this bad news.

Now let’s say 50 years ago, 100 years ago; even better 100 years ago, people just did not have the same amount of information. So, if you were living in the United States 100 years ago you didn’t hear about a big disaster in India. You didn’t hear about a murder in Sweden. You just didn’t hear about things that were far away from you and therefore, no need to worry about them, no need to be upset about them. It was just kind of way, way, way outside your normal life.

But now with all this media that we have, this 24-hour media and the Internet, now we’re getting all this bad news and all this choices and information, even if it’s not bad news, just all this information from everywhere on the globe. So, even if I’m here in the middle of the United States, then I’m going to hear about something that happened in Indonesia, something that happened in Africa, something bad that happened in all these different places, and if I bring that in all the time every day I’m going to start getting more worried, more fearful and more stressed, because it’s too much. It’s too much. We can’t take on the whole world.

The second reason why this is so stressful is we can’t control it in any way. I have zero control over what happens in Africa or Russia. I barely have any influence over what happens in this town that I’m in right now. Beyond that forget it. Part of this too, let’s say for English, because we get so much information that we doubt ourselves. We don’t know how to make strong decisions and choices. This is something I see on Twitter a lot with English is that people say, I’m not sure if Effortless English is the right way for me.

Should I do this? Should I do that? People have heard about so many different methods, so many different ways, so many things to try, they’re afraid to choose one and stick with it because they’re afraid oh, maybe I’ll do this one. It’s working, but maybe there’s another one that’s even better. Maybe there’s another one that’s even better. Maybe there’s another one that’s even better. Maybe another one that’s even better. I see this with health and exercise too, people they worry like, what’s the best exercise? What’s the best perfect diet for me? And they worry so much and they’re constantly changing all the time, this diet, that diet, and this exercise, that one, that one and then eventually they don’t really make any progress because they don’t stick with one thing.

They don’t commit, and that’s our topic this month. They don’t make a true commitment. All the distractions that we have now can make it harder to commit to a course of action. A course of action means a series of actions.

The flip side of this, of course, is that you have goals, and you have big dreams for your life no matter what age you are. We all have certain goals or dreams about money. Maybe you say no that’s not true, I don’t care about money, but you know that’s not true. Not all people want to be super, super rich. I don’t care to be super, super rich. I don’t want to be a billionaire and I don’t need huge cars and all that stuff. It doesn’t motivate me at all, some people it does. But, I think all of us have at least a certain level of financial security that we want. We all have a certain level where we don’t want to be worried about having to eat, for example. I think you as an independent learner, I think that most Effortless English learners and members are very motivated, very intelligent people.

So, as a result, tend to have a little bit higher goals and higher standards, that’s fine. With love we have ideas about what we want our relationships to be like. With English, for sure, you have a certain goal or standard that you want to achieve. Maybe it’s just fluency. Maybe it’s basic fluency, just really basic flue

but they never actually do it. And so this is kind of where the negative feeling a little bit of this word dreamer, or calling someone a dreamer can sometimes be negative, because it’s the idea that they only dream.

So, we have this dream versus a commitment. See, dreams… dreams without commitment are nothing. Dreams without commitment are just fantasies. You’re just playing around in your mind.

Now it’s okay as a first step to do that, to play around in a dream. Oh, how would I like my life to be different? Oh, what kind of person would I like to be with? How much money would I like to make? Or, what would I like to do with English? All that’s okay as a first step, but if you don’t commit to action then you get lost in the fantasy and you never actually accomplish anything, you never actually make it real.

So let’s talk about commitment. What is a commitment? A commitment is a certain, 100% certain decision followed by consistent action. So number one is the decision. You decide, I am doing this not, I would like to do it. Not, wouldn’t it be great? Oh, that would be wonderful. Oh, I would like to. Oh, I hope. None of those words is a decision. You say, I’m going to do this. I will be fluent in English. I’m deciding, I will do this and then you follow that with a daily action. That’s what a commitment is. Commitment is really focused on consistent actions, on the doing, the process of doing something, of achieving something. Commitment is not so much focused on the end result. Yes, you have an end result in your mind, but the commitment is focused on the day to day actions. You really just get down focusing on those day to day actions.

For example you decide, I’m going to use the Effortless English system. I’m going to be fluent.

That’s a good decision, but then you commit. I commit to every day listening to Effortless English VIP lessons one hour a day or more. That’s my commitment. It’s my decision about the actions, the daily consistent actions. It’s your deciding and your pushing away all other possibilities. You push away failure. You push away choices. In many ways, commitment is eliminating your choices and this is why I think a lot of people don’t commit to doing something.

Because, I think a lot of people, we’re so used to having choices, so many choices and it’s just so many now in the modern world, that eliminating our choices or reducing our choices it feels like we’re losing freedom sometimes.

A lot of people don’t like it right. Because if I decide to do this then that means I can’t do this, this, this, this and this. A lot of people prefer, sadly, prefer to just play around with the freedom to try lots of things and they don’t want to actually fully commit to one thing. And so this is where with English, for example, people go oh, I’ll try a little Effortless English. Oh, then I’ll try this. Oh and then I’ll try this. Well, I’m not gonna just commit 100% to Effortless English and these people who just jump around constantly and never ever commit to anything, they end up failing.

They never achieve anything and they never really improve in any area of their life.

You’ve gotta commit. You’ve gotta commit and decide on consistent action. The changes come from daily action. If something’s very important to you, you have to do it every day or nearly every day that’s real commitment. That’s the difference between a commitment and just dreaming, just fantasizing. I’ll give you an example from my own life, Jiu Jitsu. You may know, I’ve been talking about this. I started doing Jiu Jitsu at the age of 49, earlier this year in spring I started doing Jiu Jitsu. And I don’t know why honestly, I come up with some ideas but I just loved it. I just loved it. I love it. I love it. I love it, still love it and I just love doing it. I like the way it makes me feel. I like connecting with the guys, you know, I did a whole lesson about Jiu Jitsu.

And, I just decided, I committed you know, I’m in Jiu Jitsu I’m gonna continue doing Jiu Jitsu as long as I can. I’d love to continue. I’d like to be doing Jiu Jitsu when I’m 90 years old. Like the founder of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, one of them, Helio Gracie. He died at the age 93 and he was still doing Jiu Jitsu in his 90s. Now, was he competing at a high level? No, of course not, but he was still rolling around. He was still doing a little bit of Jiu Jitsu and teaching it and coaching it. That’s fantastic. That’s commitment. Every day of his life he committed to Jiu Jitsu. He made Jiu Jitsu part of his life and for me too, I have committed to making Jiu Jitsu part of my life.

Let me show you the power of this. The power of this, when you commit to just making something a daily part of your life, just part of your life or weekly, is that it just pushes away your choices. You kind of actually eliminate a lot of choices. The main thing you do is eliminate the choice of quitting. You just say ah, that’s not even a choice anymore. I also have eliminated doing some other sports, because I just don’t have the time or the physical energy to do lots and lots of other sports, because Jiu Jitsu’s kind of very tough physically. But that’s okay that’s a choice I had to make to make a real commitment, and therefore get the big benefits of doing Jiu Jitsu.

Now, I came to the United States recently, I was in Japan, I came to the United States and I went to a new Jiu Jitsu gym. And suddenly, I’m a small guy at my gym in America. In Japan I’m kind of above average size and a little bit stronger than a lot of the guys. That gives me an advantage and made it easier for me. Now, here in America, like all the guys are younger. I’m the oldest guy in the gym, I think, the oldest guy I’ve seen in the gym. I am below average size, American’s are big, they’re heavy and below average strength. So the other guys are younger, faster and they’re also more skilled, more experienced. So I’m just getting beat, beat, beat, beat up again. It feels like my first day again.

But, because I have a complete commitment I just keep going, you know. I had thoughts popped in, oh this sucks this is no good. Eh, you know, it’s definitely a really tough time right now for me with Jiu Jitsu but I’m committed, the thought I’m not gonna quit, right? I’ve committed, I’m doing this and I’ll just keep going, keep going, keep going. This is the power of commitment and it gets you through the tough times.

This is going to happen to you with English, you’re gonna have periods where you’re like, I’m not improving. Maybe you have a bad experience, you try talking to someone, they can’t understand you because your pronunciation’s not great. Or you listen to a TV show, you can’t understand it, too fast, too many idioms, too much slang. And maybe you have a few of these in a short time and you start feeling, ah this sucks. If you don’t have a strong commitment, if you haven’t decided, I’ve committed, I’m doing Effortless English. I trust the system and I’m just gonna do it every day that’s my commitment. That’s it, no other choices.

If you do that well then you’re gonna hit these bad times, these tough times, these challenges and you’re just gonna keep going anyway. You have your commitment, well, it doesn’t matter.

This sucks. This is no fun. I feel like I’m not making progress, but I made a commitment, hour every day, hour every or two hours every day or whatever. And you just keep going and when you just keep going, the magic of just keeping going, the magic of the commitment is, you will come out of that tough time. Eventually you’ll learn. Eventually you’ll improve. Eventually your mood and your energy will come back and then woo, and then you’ll make another big jump in improvement.

This is the normal way right, when we learn, there are always these plateaus. We go up and then flat or sometimes we seem to get better and then we actually seem to be getting worse for a while until we go back up again. What gets us through that part when we drop down or we’re just going and not getting better? Psychologically it’s the commitment, it’s the commitment to daily action that keeps you going.

See, the cool thing about commitment is that it’s kinda the balance of having a peak state.

Right, I teach you to have a peak state and get energized and all that stuff. Get yourself in a peak state, a high emotional state, strong, positive every time you listen to English or anything you’re trying to do and that’s great and it works most of the time, but it does not work always.

There are always going to be days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months where you try yeah ah, and you’re just not feeling it. You just eh… things are not going well. What keeps you going through that is your full commitment to do something every day, that consistent action.

Because see commitment doesn’t matter about emotion. It’s not dependent on emotion. You make a decision to do something, to take a certain action every day and you just do it. You do it if you feel tired. You do it if you feel energized. You do it if you feel happy. You do it if you feel sad. You do it if you feel interested and excited. You do it if you feel bored and you’re not really feeling like doing it. This is what I’m doing with Jiu Jitsu. Like last week I really didn’t want to go, you know, part of me is just kinda like ah, I’m gonna go and get beat and it’s kinda embarrassing. My ego didn’t like it, but I just went anyway. Like well okay, just gonna go and get beat. I went and you know I did get beat, a lot, but I had a few little times where I did some little technique and it was kind of a nice feeling. The point is I just keep going. I’m gonna go again this week.

My commitment for Jiu Jitsu is three times a week, at least three times a week so I’ll do it again this week, and I know eventually the feeling will come back, the excitement will come back when I start feeling like I’m improving again.

So, commitment gives you a daily action plan. That’s how I want you to think of this word commitment, a daily or weekly, but I recommend daily; a daily action plan. For Jiu Jitsu I do it every day. If I don’t physically do Jiu Jitsu, because I’m really tired physically then I’ll watch a Jiu Jitsu video and I’ll study somebody else and try to learn a technique or I’ll read my notes and try to review a technique. So same for you.

This is what I want you to do is to think about commitment as a daily action plan. You’re focused on the day-to-day actions, everyday actions. You’re committing to doing something. You’re deciding, you’re promising to yourself– that’s what a commitment is– a promise to yourself to do something every day. You don’t have to enjoy it you just do it. The benefit of this is that it cuts out all the doubts. It cuts out distractions. It cuts out emotion. It eliminates all of these things. It simplifies your life so much when you make commitments. It actually gives you a feeling of peace and calm, and a confidence because you know, deep down you know, because you’re committed you’re eventually going to succeed. It’s just gonna happen.

We use this word a lot, used to, with relationships and marriages. I mean a marriage is a commitment at heart, it’s a commitment where two people promise to stay together. They commit to each other no matter what. Now, the idea of this even though it doesn’t work in our modern world as much now, sadly, but still what this was supposed to be and is supposed to be is a commitment that no matter what you’re staying together. You’re taking the emotion out of it.

It doesn’t matter if today you’re mad at the other person, they made you angry or today you’re not excited to see them or today you’re in a bad mood, whatever, it doesn’t matter. You’re committed to be together. You’re committed to a marriage and to try to help each other, love each other and all that and it doesn’t matter.

You know they used to say in sickness and in health and the good times and bad times. Well, that’s what a commitment is, it’s not just for a marriage it’s for anything that you commit to. It means you keep going through the good times and the bad times, the ups and the downs. It doesn’t matter, you’re removing the emotion the emotion’s not important. The ups and downs everyday are not important, you’re just gonna keep going, doing your action, doing your action, having faith that these actions will eventually get you where you want to go. Will eventually help you achieve your goals and dreams, and they will.

All right, so commitment it saves energy, it eliminates distractions and the best way, I think, to look at it is… commitment is like a laser. Imagine you have a big light, something that generates light and you shine it. You can have a flood light, which shines light out everywhere. So it’s a lot of light but it’s kinda everywhere, or you can focus that light down to a laser, and a laser, if you focus it enough a true laser, you could shoot it from here all the way to the moon and it would stay a tight laser. That one little beam of light would go all the way straight to the moon and somewhere on the moon, if they had the right equipment, they could actually see that laser.

So this is the power of commitment. Commitment is a laser, because it eliminates, it focuses you down to this one thing. I will do, I commit, I will do this action. I will commit to this system or this way of life or whatever it is and I eliminate everything else, there are no other choices. I will do this every day and that’s it. That’s power. That’s power. That is power. That’s how most people achieve high, high levels of success in anything. Those high achievers, the main trait they have is that they don’t quit and they don’t get distracted. They’re not jumping around. They get that laser focus on what they want and they just commit and everyday they’re working on it.

It doesn’t matter if they’re in a good mood or not they still do it anyway, every single day, and they just keep going until they succeed.

That’s what you need to do too. In the commentary we’ll talk more specifically about how you can take this idea of commitment and develop this laser focus. You say oh, I don’t have that, how do I do it? I’m gonna tell you some specific techniques and methods for that in the commentary. And, of course, in the interactive lesson I’ll give you some other ideas that are connected to this idea of commitment and daily actions.

All right, see you in the commentary. See you in the interactive lessons.

Have a good day.