عروس تایوانی جان

Chapter 12

JOHN’S TAIWANESE WEDDING

by John Felty and Bill McDowell

from Hemispheres Magazine

In the spring, Huiling’s mother pulled me aside and asked, “What exactly are your plans with my daughter?” As I had already discussed marriage with Huiling, my 24-year-old Taiwanese fiancée, Mrs. Chen’s tone didn’t fluster me. She was just Worried that if I, a 29-year-old American graduate student, didn’t have serious marital intentions?

her family would suffer a great loss of face.3 One point that infuriated her was my inability to find a meiren.

I asked some friends about a meiren and learned that it’s a title given to the groom’s relative Who goes to the prospective bride’s house to carry out all the touchy negotiations that go into planning a traditional Chinese Wedding. Having a meiren is a little old fashioned, but it can be useful. As a third party,7 they help save face during the arguments that inevitably arise over issues like the dowry amount and how many “marriage cakes” to buy, which are sent to relatives and friends to announce the engagement. One could easily spend $6,000 on these cakes alone. Determined to make the Chens proud to have a foreign son—in-law, I searched for a meiren.

I Work as an Asian representative of a British company, so I asked my boss, Mr. Lin to suggest a meiren. He recommended that I ask Mr.

Wu, who Works at my company. He was delighted to assist, assuring me he would need only a small “red envelope.” Huiling later explained that red envelopes are used for cash gifts at ceremonies and on holidays, and a meiren generally gets $500—$l000.

The next day, Mr. Lin burst out of a meeting grinning broadly, patting one of our customers on the back. “Mr. Ou has agreed to be your meiren. He will do much better than Mr. Wu, who is too soft and easygoing.8 Mr. Ou will give you big face9 and ensure your girlfriend’s parents give you lots of things.” With growing interest, I asked, “What kinds of things?” “Their house, car, their money, that kind of stuff,” Mr. Ou explained confidently. “Don’t I need to give them money?” I asked. “You only give them money if you don’t know what you’re doing,” confided Mr. Ou.

Later I asked my boss about using Mr. Wu as a meiren after all, as he seemed a little more conventional”. . . “Oh, Mr. Wu will be there, too,” he said offhandedly. I was confused. Why both? “You cant just come with one person,” he explained. When asked how many people I needed, Mr. Lin replied casually, “Six, but 12 is better.” Huiling assured me that 6 and 12 are lucky numbers, and in a traditional and formal engagement I would need either number of people. This sure seemed extravagant,“ but I was determined to do things the Taiwanese way.

It took a week to build my team of meiren. My boss, Mr. Lin, reluctantly agreed. Mr. Ou recruited his business partner. And there was Mr. Chen, from our sales department. With Messrs.” Ou and Wu, I had five meiren, so I cajoled Mr. Ou to sign on one of his old customers. I barely knew him, but he looked distinguished.” I had my meiren team at last!

I proudly stopped by Huiling’s parents’ house to make the date.

“Six people will be coming by with me next Monday to visit with you, can you be here?” They seemed pleased with the news and told me they’d be ready. The next day I called Huiling to make sure she’d have the best tea and fruit for the guests. I heard her mother ask in the background, “Why does he want to bring all those friends, anyway?” “They’re not friends, they’re metre“/L,” I told Huiling. “Why in the world are you bringing six meiren?” she exclaimed. I swallowed hard.15 “To negotiate. To talk to your folks. I don’t know, its your custom!” I heard Mrs. Chen again shouting in the background, “What meiren? Six meiren? Who ever heard of that? What am I supposed to say to all of them? Six! That’s crazy!” I was losing my cool.15 “You said 60 six. Everybody said six! I booked six!”

Huiling replied evenly,” “Listen, you need six people, but only one meiren. Now count. I’m one person, Mom and Dad make three, one meiren, and a friend and you make six. But don’t worry. My parents decided not to bother about a meiren.”

65 Our meiren scenario illustrates how easily communication in a cross-cultural relationship can become muddled.“ Due to my imperfect Mandarin and my inexperience with Taiwanese customs, I confused the need for six people with the need for six meiren.

The highlight of the wedding was the 12-course Chinese feast at a 70 local restaurant. As is the custom, Huiling and I, with parents in tow,19 stopped at each of the 23 tables and toasted my new relatives.

My parents couldn’t understand the words, but shared in the outpouring of good wishes for a bright future.