چگونه یک مکالمه ی فوق العاده داشته باشیم؟ رازهای مکالمه به انگلیسی

Hey there I’m Emma from mmmEnglish!

Today I’ve got three things that I want to share with you

that awesome English speakers do and

I want to show you how you can get good at them too.

This video is perfect for you if you are learning English

as a second language and you want to communicate

more clearly, more effectively and build

good relationships with other English speakers.

But these tips are also useful for anyone who speaks

English and wants to communicate more effectively

because not all native English speakers are awesome

at communicating.

Awesome communication is about more than just

the words that you choose

and today we’re going to learn

how this information could change the way

that you think about English conversations forever.

During a conversation, if you don’t communicate

your message clearly,

people feel unsure.

They might not know what’s going on.

They might misinterpret or misunderstand you.

This can be annoying, it can create confusion

but even worse, they might start to feel a little

uncomfortable or awkward or uncertain and

you probably didn’t mean that, you didn’t intend it

but if they don’t enjoy that experience of talking to you

it might mean that in the future,

they don’t really want to do it again.

They might try to avoid you or perhaps you know,

try not to work with you on a project and this makes it

really hard to fit in in your new language right

and to feel accepted.

So this whole topic that we’re talking about today

is quite serious.

Good or awesome communication is about more than

just the words that you choose.

It also relates to the tone of your voice,

your body language and other actions that support you

while you’re speaking and in English, we communicate

with so much more than just words.

So actually, these three things that

awesome English speakers do are not just about

saying words, these are things that they do

during conversations.

And this is what we’re going to talk about today.

Starting with body language.

That’s eye contact, that’s facial expression,

it’s the gestures that you make as you speak.

All of these things communicate messages

to the person who you’re talking to.

In fact, these are the loudest and the most

truthful messages that we use when we communicate.

They’re even louder or clearer

than the actual words that we use. In fact,

even when you don’t have the perfect words to use,

your body language, your tone of voice and other

interactions that you have during a conversation

can make up for it.

You can still create a really great positive connection

that will result in awesome things,

even if you don’t have the perfect words to do it.

Now I know you’re thinking

Emma, I’m concentrating enough on finding the

right words to say, let alone what my hands are doing

and my eyes are doing, my shoulders are doing.

I can’t do everything!

But this is a huge conversation hack to help you build

awesome relationships with other English speakers.

If you’re a nervous speaker,

if you’re a little unsure about speaking in English,

learning more about these nonverbal communication

tools is going to help you to create more positive

conversation experiences.

Whether you are aware of it or not, your body language

is constantly sending information to other people.

It’s helping them to trust you and feel comfortable with

you or it’s confusing them or offending them in some

way which is obviously not what you want.

And sometimes the words that someone is saying

don’t match what their body language is telling you

and this can be really confusing. If your colleague said

“Hey, a few of us are going for a run around the park

at lunch time. Do you want to come?”

And then you said

“Yeah that’d be great.”

They’d probably be surprised or confused

and wondering

what does she actually mean? Does she want to come?

The reason why I want you to think about this

is because many of my English students

sometimes have quite a serious look of concentration

on their faces when they’re trying to listen to someone

or think of what they’re gonna say and this is totally

understandable because they’re doing a lot of

concentrating and thinking about

what they need to say and how they need to express it

and is it the right tense but this can be a problem

because it creates conflicting messages

for the person you’re talking to.

If you have this confused sort of scrunched up look

on your face while you’re listening to them,

then that person that might feel a little uncomfortable.

They might think maybe you don’t agree with them

or you know they’re feeling a little uncomfortable and

unsure and you know all this means is that they’re

probably gonna try and leave the conversation.

No one likes to feel awkward and uncomfortable right?

I mean there are times when you want to send that

type of message to someone that you’re confused

or you’re lost or you disagree

but I don’t want you to do it by mistake

and by accident.

Let’s face it. If people enjoy being around you,

they’re probably gonna be more polite,

they’ll probably want to help you more

and want to spend more time with you.

So improving your body language will help you to

express what you mean, connect with others in a really

positive way and build good relationships.

Now I’ve been part of a lot of online conversations

lately, perhaps you have too

and this is one thing that English learners don’t

pay enough attention to.

This is how you create relationships with your teachers,

you make friends and if you’ve ever wondered why

you know it’s so obvious

and easy for others to create these great relationships,

this is what they’re doing differently.

They’re looking at the camera when people are talking.

They’re you know keeping people interested,

they’re nodding and smiling

to show that they’re listening

you know and that they respect the time that you

have that you’re sharing with them.

If you’re only half paying attention to someone

and maybe you’re checking your phone or

checking your emails while they’re talking to you,

well, this is what it feels like.

Obviously, you’re gonna get a much better result

if you give your full attention to someone.

If you look them in the eye, if you smile at them and you

acknowledge them and appreciate the time

that they have for you.

The tone of your voice

allows you to convey meaning too

and I’m talking about the pitch of your voice

and how it changes.

This affects the meaning or the way that people

interpret your meaning.

Now in lots of other languages, a change in tone

might actually change the meaning of a word

by definition.

But in English, this isn’t the case. A change in pitch is

about changing the attitude or the mood of what you’re

saying. It could show enthusiasm or

boredom or interest.

In English, it really is not just what you say

but it’s how you say it as well. The tone of your voice

works in a really similar way to body language

you know. If the tone doesn’t match the words

that are coming out of your mouth,

then people feel confused

or like they don’t really trust you.

Both of these things, tone and body language,

they work together like a super team

to strengthen your communication

but tone is one of the hardest things to master

as an English student because

there are no clear rules about how it works.

It’s just a feeling.

When it comes to tone, louder can be excitement

but it can also be anger.

Tone is also that magic ingredient in

complicated humour like sarcasm.

Yeah, you’d be really good at that.

And it’s also an important part of

communicating frustration.

I told you. I’m really busy right now.

These are some of the trickiest parts of English

conversation and they’re hugely affected by tone.

And while it might sound complicated,

as your English teacher, I really want you to pay

attention to tone and to start experimenting with it.

And I suggest you focus on the positive aspects

of nonverbal communication first

because these are the most visible or the most obvious

parts you know and because it’s positive,

it’s gonna help you with your communication.

Practise making positive exclamations

in front of a mirror, you know, focusing on your body

language, your facial expression and the tone

of your voice.

Wow, that’s amazing.

Wow, that’s amazing!

I’ve got some good news.

I’ve got some good news!

Hello, I need your help.

Hello, I need your help.

Of course, getting a really strong feel for this

a natural feel for it is gonna take practise

Awesome English speakers are also great team players

in conversations which means they share

the conversation. They listen, they respond

and they help others to participate as well

and to enjoy themselves.

They don’t dominate the conversation, they don’t speak

over the top of everyone.

They’re there to participate.

Now just because someone talks a little too much

in conversation doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person

or even that they’re a bad listener.

Some of the kindest, loveliest people that I know

still struggle with this, with talking over the top of others

but the reason why this is especially important

to you as an English Learner is because

you want to make sure that people enjoy talking to you

when you’re speaking in English.

Sharing the conversation is going to make people

want to stay, to talk more, to find out more about you

and allow you to build that relationship

because that relationship means

more chances to speak, more chances to learn,

someone to speak with regularly

and I mean who knows, you know you might build a

relationship with them where they start

helping you and giving you feedback or supporting you

with your pronunciation.

I mean obviously, you can’t expect random people

to do that for you but if you build a good relationship

with someone like a colleague, a neighbour,

someone in your class, an online friend,

then it might pay off for you.

And I’m not saying that this is gonna be easy

but if you think a little more broadly about the benefits

and the value of these skills and how

they can help you to keep improving your English

naturally, well that’s interesting and valuable to you.

Now I don’t care if you say

“Emma, I always let other people speak.

I always listen to them.”

because people who talk too much and they don’t

share a conversation usually never even notice

that they’re doing it. They don’t mean to do it

but you need to actively practise that curiosity.

Be curious about a person

and what they’re talking about.

Ask questions, show that you’re interested in them

and bring them into the conversation.

Show them that you’re listening to them as well

you know by making sounds and expressions like

Show them that you’re listening

and that you’re interested.

So how do you work on these skills?

How do you know if you are good at these things or not

and what can you do about it?

So it’s simple. You watch and you copy,

you imitate an English speaker.

Not just any native English speaker,

you know you need to choose someone who is a really

positive communicator.

I’ve added five YouTube videos down in the

description below that I think are good examples

of people who are communicating really effectively,

you know and I want you to watch them, watch

what their body does, listen to the tone of their voice

and how that influences what they’re saying.

And then record yourself talking about that same topic

to see what you look like while you’re talking

you know, do you have a friendly expression,

you know, does it feel positive or do you feel confused

and uncomfortable or awkward. So what is it

that you can do to change that?

You know, and it might be as simple as

trying to smile a little bit more as you’re talking

or maintain eye contact. These are really small

and subtle things

that have a huge impact on

the way that you communicate with other people.

And often, these things are different between languages

and cultures right?

So the way that we do this in English

might be a little different to the way that you do it

you know in your native country.

So these three things that awesome English speakers

do really are hacks for great conversation.

Improving these things is gonna help you to have

better English conversation experiences you know.

You’ll make more English-speaking friends,

you’ll get more speaking practice and ultimately

it’s gonna help you to become more fluent

and a more confident English communicator.

I mean really don’t underestimate the importance

of these things.

I hope that I’ve given you some interesting ideas

to think about.

I’ll see you in there!