Ted's Crush

You have a teacup pig?

Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe you have a teacup pig.

You’re just so cute. Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever.

What?

Were you always this pretty? Or are you gonna give me that whole “Oh, in high school, I was really shy and awkward” line?

I was shy and awkward. I was like 100 pounds heavier and I had these crazy buck teeth.

Seriously?

No. I’ve always been hot. What are you gonna do?

Do you know who else would love this teacup pig? Who?

My boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

Uh, I know. So annoying, right?

I mean, he’s not really my boyfriend.

Oh, good.

I mean, technically, he kind of is.

Well, is he or isn’t he?

Some of both, but definitely not neither.

Are you getting any of this?

Look, I really like you. I just need you to be patient.

I don’t want to lose you, big brown eyes.

I’m really into you.

I just can’t be with you right now.

Eh? Eh?

Ted, “right now” is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.

Hey, there she is.

Oh, she brought some of her co-workers.

Hang on to this girl, Ted.

Hang on to her and never let go!

Hey, big brown eyes! How are you doing?

I’m good.

Hey, by the way, you ditch that loser boyfriend yet?

No, Sir.

First, we cuddled.

Then, we shared chocolate cake.

Then, well, I don’t usually join in on locker room talk, but I gave her a pretty sensual foot rub.

Hello!

Hey, Ted.

Hey, Tiffany.

I’m going out of town this weekend for my friend’s wedding.

Want to be my date?

I would love to.

It was finally happening.

Champagne?

Ted!

Oh, my gosh, I forgot to call you.

Well, whatever it is you wanted to talk about, we can talk about it now.

Um, this is Jack. He’s the best man at the wedding.

We just got back together.

You know, now that I think about it, a phone call would have been nice.

You’re Ted? Ouch! But I hear you make a mean chocolate cake.

Isn’t he great? And he’s in a band.

Anyway, I just don’t think you and I are gonna work.

Right now.

And that’s when it hit me. I was on the hook. I also realized.

I missed this so much, baby.

Tiffany was on this guy’s hook. It was a vicious cycle. Henrietta was on my hook.

And years later, I found out this poor bastard was on Henrietta’s hook.

You know what?

We’re not gonna work, ever.

I’m done.

And it’s really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs.

Now I’m done.

You have a teacup pig? Oh,my gosh, I can’t believe you have a teacup pig.

You’re just so cute. Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever.

Teacup pig

The term teacup refers to a class of small domestic pig.

This type of pig receives this name because a teacup is small.

It’s worth mentioning that this animal isn’t as small as a teacup, and also this term isn’t extremely common.

Cute

Something or someone that is cute is very pretty or attractive.

Example: What a cute little baby!

I was shy and awkward. I was like 100 pounds heavier and I had these crazy buck teeth.

Shy

Nervous, timid or showing lack of confidence around other people.

Buck teeth

Prominent upper front teeth.

Hot/pretty/cute:

We’ve seen these words being used so far in the scene.

No. I’ve always been hot.

Were you always this pretty?

You’re just so cute. Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever.

Although their meanings are similar in some ways, it’s important you know how they differ as well.

We use cute to refer to something that’s attractive and young and that makes you want to hug it, like a puppy or baby.

But this word is also commonly used to refer to a person that’s attractive or good-looking.

Pretty is also used in this way.

Someone who’s pretty has a beautiful face, but is used more to refer to women.

Hot also means attractive but has a stronger Sexual connotation.

It can be used for men or women.

I just need you to be patient. = I just nee-jew duh be patient.

I just need you to be patient.

I’m really into you.

To be into something/someone:

If you’re into something, like to be into shooting video games, it means you like it, you’re interested in it and you know about it.

Example : I’ m not really into video games.

If you’re into a person, it means you’re romantically attracted to that person.

Ted, “right now” is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.

Catchphrase

A well-known sentence or phrase commonly used to characterize a person, group, idea, or point of view.

This is especially common with TV show characters or public figures (like Joey, from Friends, is famous for saying “How you doin’?”)

At job interviews, “don’t call us, we’ll call you” is the typical catchphrase employers use to say to potential candidates that they won’t be hired.

Hey, there she is.

There she is

Used to say that someone has finally arrived. It may denote you’ve been waiting anxiously for that person to come and/or that you’re happy they’re now with or around you.

Example : There he is , we’ve been waiting for you!

Hang on to this girl, Ted.

"”Hang on to this girl”

Literally hang on, to hold, or grip someone or something tightly.

Metaphorically, this word means to not let a person go; To care for or make a person happy so that they don’t leave you.

Hey, big brown eyes! How are you doing?

I’m good.

I’m good:

Common response people use for the question “how are you?” Not that grammatically it’s not correct but people use it anyways.

The grammatically correct response is “I’m well” but people almost never say this.

What is a little more common with “well” is “I’m doing well”.

Hey, by the way, you ditch that loser boyfriend yet?

Ditch

To get rid or somebody in a social situation, or to end a relationship with someone.

This is very rude or harsh.

Example : She ditched him because he was very jealous.

First, we cuddled.

Cuddled

To put your arms around someone and hold them close showing affection.

Example: The couple cuddled up as they watched a movie.

She cuddled with her baby brother.

Then, well, I don’t usually join in on locker room talk, but I gave her a pretty sensual foot rub.

“I don’t usually join in on locker room talk”:

A locker room is the shared bathroom/dressing room generally in public school or gyms.

“Looker room talk” is private boys conversation, often about dirty details of Sexual relations.

The joke here is that he’s talking as if they were doing the romantic acts together, but in reality he’s like her servant.

I’m going out of town this weekend for my friend’s wedding. Want to be my date?

One’s date

In addition to being a romantic encounter, a date is the person you’re meeting up with for romantic purposes.

Um, this is Jack. He’s the best man at the wedding.

We just got back together.

Best man:

The best man at a wedding is the honored position of the best friend of the groom (the man who is getting married).

The counterpart of this would be the maid of honor, the best friend of the bride (the woman who is getting married).

Get back together:

To start being a couple again after ending the relationship.

Example: We broke up in December and got back together in March.

You know, now that I think about it, a phone call would have been nice.

Now that I think about it:

Used to express your view or feeling about something after having the chance to better analyze something.

Example: Now that I think about it ,I’m not sure it’s a good idea quite your job right now.

And that’s when it hit me.

I was on the hook.

It hit me:

When something hits you, you realize something; It becomes obvious and now you are aware of something.

Example: When I saw that the kid was the son of an ex football star it hit me why he was he was so good at sports!

On the hook:

A hook is literally a curved piece of metal used for fishing Figuratively, if you’re on a person’s hook it means that although you are romantically interested in that person, and he/she leads you along (makes you believe like you have a chance), they don’t really want to be with you and probably just want the attention.

In this case, Ted talks about him being on Tiffany’s hook, and Henrietta (his date from another episode) being on his hook.

And it’s really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs.

Now I’m done.

Knead the arches with your thumbs:

To press or squeeze with your hands or fingers-in this case a part of someone’s body.

He tells Tiffany she should knead the arches with her thumbs.

This is funny because you wouldn’t expect someone to be kind enough to offer a piece of advice after breaking up with you.

Is he or isn’t he = Is-he or isn-e.

Isn’t he great = Isn-e great.

Native Connected Speech Note:

How We Cut, Connect, and Like Our Words.

In the example from the scene, Ted reduces:

Is he > is-e

Isn’t he > isn-e

He’s removing the “h” on “he” When he says “is-he”.

he also removes the “t” on “isn’t” When he says “isn’t he”.

This example combines 2 important native pronunciation rules:

1) The reduction of the “H” on pronouns.

2) Reduction of the “T” in NT words.

First, the reduction of the “H” in pronouns happens when the pronoun starts with an H.

He, Him, Her, His

For example:

Is he > is-e

then he > then-e

but her > butter

why his > why-is

Next, the Reduction of the “T” happens in NT words followed by a vowel sound.

For example:

Internet > innernet

International > innenational

Went out > wen-out

And in all ‘NT contractions

For example

isn’t it > isn-it

aren’t I > areb-I

But in this scene, there are a few examples both of these rules are combined.

Is he or isn’t he = is-e or isn-e.

Isn’t he great = isn-e great.

With the example, “isn’t he great,” the “h” is reduced to “isn’t-e”.

But then because of the ‘NT’ contraction, and the fact that it’s followed by a vowel sound (remember the H is gone) the “t” is also removed.

Here are 5 more examples of the “reduction of the H” rule from this scene.

You have a boyfriend = you-av-a boyfriend.

I mean, he’s not really my boyfriend = I mean-e’s not really my boyfriend.

Technically he kind of is = technically-e kind of is.

Is he or isn’t he = is-he or isn-e.

She brought some of her co-workers = she brought some of-er co-workers.

Hang on to her = hang on do-er.

Isn’t he great = isn-e great.

You have a teacup pig?

Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe you have a teacup pig.

You’re just so cute. Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever.

What?

Were you always this pretty? Or are you gonna give me that whole “Oh, in high school, I was really shy and awkward” line?

I was shy and awkward. I was like 100 pounds heavier and I had these crazy buck teeth.

Seriously?

No. I’ve always been hot. What are you gonna do?

Do you know who else would love this teacup pig? Who?

My boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

Uh, I know. So annoying, right?

I mean, he’s not really my boyfriend.

Oh, good.

I mean, technically, he kind of is.

Well, is he or isn’t he?

Some of both, but definitely not neither.

Are you getting any of this?

Look, I really like you. I just need you to be patient.

I don’t want to lose you, big brown eyes.

I’m really into you.

I just can’t be with you right now.

Eh? Eh?

Ted, “right now” is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.

Hey, there she is.

Oh, she brought some of her co-workers.

Hang on to this girl, Ted.

Hang on to her and never let go!

Hey, big brown eyes! How are you doing?

I’m good.

Hey, by the way, you ditch that loser boyfriend yet?

No, Sir.

First, we cuddled.

Then, we shared chocolate cake.

Then, well, I don’t usually join in on locker room talk, but I gave her a pretty sensual foot rub.

Hello!

Hey, Ted.

Hey, Tiffany.

I’m going out of town this weekend for my friend’s wedding.

Want to be my date?

I would love to.

It was finally happening.

Champagne?

Ted!

Oh, my gosh, I forgot to call you.

Well, whatever it is you wanted to talk about, we can talk about it now.

Um, this is Jack. He’s the best man at the wedding.

We just got back together.

You know, now that I think about it, a phone call would have been nice.

You’re Ted? Ouch! But I hear you make a mean chocolate cake.

Isn’t he great? And he’s in a band.

Anyway, I just don’t think you and I are gonna work.

Right now.

And that’s when it hit me. I was on the hook. I also realized.

I missed this so much, baby.

Tiffany was on this guy’s hook. It was a vicious cycle. Henrietta was on my hook.

And years later, I found out this poor bastard was on Henrietta’s hook.

You know what?

We’re not gonna work, ever.

I’m done.

And it’s really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs.

Now I’m done.