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Mama’s Boys

Hi, this is A.J. this is a commentary about the “Mama’s Boys” story.

So this is an interesting story because of culture.

Because I know that this idea of “Mama’s boys” is actually different in different countries and different cultures.

I know this because when I was teaching, my classes in San Francisco, when I was teaching at school in San Francisco, we would talk about this. This idea of independence for children and you know, where should children live when they are adults.

So in some countries, in many countries children will continue to live with their parents until they’re married. So even if they’re 25 years old, even if they’re maybe even 30 years old, if they’re not married, they might continue to live with their parents. In fact in some countries, even if they are married, they will live with their parents.

So they’re, say 28 years old, they get marry and the couple will live with the parents, the girl’s parents or the man’s parents.

So that’s true in some countries.

In other countries, probably in more countries now, a man will stay with his parents until he gets married.

So, for example some of my students told me that it was normal for a man, maybe 30 years old, to still live with his family, with his mom and dad, that this was normal.

And that mom would still cook for him and still clean his cloths, even though he’s 30 years old.

So we talked about this in my class because in America it’s very different and it’s actually very bad.

In our culture we really expect, we really value independence for adults.

This true for men and women, it’s true for both, but especially men, but really, we don’t have a name like mama’s girls. We never say that.

So boys, it’s stronger for boys, but it’s true for both.

So in the Unites States, adults, so maybe 23, 25 and older should live in their own place, not with their parents.

If a man lives with his parents, if he’s 25 or older, then it’s, we think it’s very bad. We think something is wrong.

We think this man; this guy is a mama’s boy that he’s not independent. He still wants his mom to take care of him. He’s not strong.

So it’s not good and especially after 30 years old, it’s very, very, very strange.

So in the United State if a man is 30 years old and he lives with his mom or with his parents, then we think something’s very wrong.

People will laugh. They will joke about this man, they’ll laugh at him. They’ll say he’s a mama’s boy.

And it’s a big problem for dating. So American women do not like mama’s boys, they do not want to date mama’s boys.

So it’s a big, big problem in the United States.

If you live with your parents and you see a girl, you like her, and you go to dinner together or you go to a coffee shop together and you’re talking and she says, “so, where do you live?” and the man, he’s 27, he says, “oh, I live with my mom”.

The girl will laugh or the girl will be surprised, like, “uhhhhh”. And she will not want to see him again, usually.

She will think, “oh my god, this guy, he’s a mama’s boy, what’s wrong with him”.

So mama’s boys have a problem getting girlfriends.

If you’re a mama’s boy, you will have trouble trying to get an American girlfriend.

American women do not like it. American women want men who are independent.

So this is a big, big, strong cultural thing in the Unites States

It’s very strong. Independence is very, very important.

So it’s very important. I think after university.

So if someone’s 21 or 22 and they’re going to school, they’re still in school or university or collage, that’s ok, that’s normal.

But after university, after they finish school, when they get a job, then they should go out and be independent.

And this was true for me, in my life. I left my house when I was 18.

So I went to a university, you know, in another city, which is normal for, probably in many places in the world that’s normal.

So I went to university and then I graduated, I finished school.

I was 22, I guess and I got my own apartment.

Actually I had my apartment when I was in school also.

So I got an apartment during university.

But then after university I continued to have my own apartment.

I did not go back to my parent’s house. I would never have gone back.

I had a very strong feeling. I was not a mama’s boy.

Even though I had very little money, I was poor.

After school I had really a bad job, I had no money, it was very difficult, very, very tough for me.

But I would never have gone back to live with my parents because it’s such a bad thing.

I wanted to be independent. I did not want to live with my parents again.

So this was very, very strong for me.

And it’s very, very strong for most Americans, in fact.

There’s another thing that’s quite different, I think, between the United States and some other countries. And that’s with older people and with parents.

So for example in some countries parents want the children to come and live with them.

So the parents want them to stay but in the United States again, most parents do not, most parents want the children to leave.

Why? Because they hate their children? No.

Because they don’t love their children? No. because they think they must help their children become independent.

This is very important in American society, so parent know this, so the parents don’t want their children to be too weak.

They don’t want their children to have problems.

They want their children to be strong and independent.

So it’s not only the children.

The children want to be independent. Most children want to leave the house, most children like me.

I wanted to leave. I was 18. I wanted to be free.

But also parents want their children to be independent.

My father wanted me to leave. He did not want me to live at home.

And he would not have been happy. He would have been very unhappy if I stayed at home.

So it’s both with parents and the children.

It’s not always. There are mama’s boys in America but in our culture it’s seen as something bad. It’s seen as something negative.

This is also true, somewhat for older people, when people become old.

So it’s a little different but still many old people in America when they’re quite old, they also want to be independent.

So maybe they’re 70 years old, maybe they’re 80 years old but they want to be independent.

They don’t want to live with their children.

This is a big difference between America and other countries.

Also because, I know, in many countries the older parents will live with their children.

The children feel they must take care of their older parents.

So in my school many students, they felt, “oh, my god, America is terrible. They’re terrible. The children don’t take care of their old parents. They don’t want them to stay in the house with them”.

And, you know, maybe it’s true sometimes.

But it’s also true that the parents often do not want to live with their children.

They want to stay independent, even when they’re very old.

For example, my grandmother, my father’s mother, she likes to be independent.

She lives in her own apartment.

She’s over 80 years old but she has her own apartment in a community and she likes it.

She has a lot of friends. She still does many things, many activities.

So she likes to be independent.

So this is a strong cultural point for the United States.

It’s this idea of independence. It’s strong at every age that we value independence.

And on the other side we don’t value dependence.

Finally this can cause problems with dating, with relationships, with husbands and wives, with girlfriends and boyfriends.

So another example is from my life, Tomoe and I, we often have discussions, disagreements, sometimes arguments about this idea of independence.

Because for me in a relationship with her, I feel I want, I still want time alone. I want to be alone sometimes.

I often want to do things with my friends, alone, so not together with her.

So I like a lot of time doing stuff, alone. And I need that; I need that time to work alone, to do something with just my friends.

Just to sit and read and, I don’t know, exercise, whatever, just alone, by myself.

But Tomoe, she’s Japanese. You know this is true in Japan also, but less true.

So Tomes likes to spend much more time together.

So she feels that I’m too independent sometimes.

She often says that I’m too independent and that it’s strange, that we’re together but I am still so independent.

So it’s a cultural difference. She’s not wrong, I’m not wrong, but it is different.

We do have to discuss this all the time and it does cause problems many times because we view this very differently.

Sometimes other countries, other cultures, they think Americans were selfish.

We’re selfish, we only care about ourselves and it’s very negative and bad.

And some of my students, they get upset because they think, “oh, Americans, they’re selfish, they’re selfish” So they think it’s quite negative.

But you know we think it’s very positive.

So we think it’s good, we’re independent, we take care of ourselves. We don’t make other people help us so much.

And so we feel it’s very good, that these are good things.

Are they good, are they bad. They’re not good or bad. It’s just different, different cultures.

Anyway, so that explains the idea of “Mama’s Boys”.

I hope you enjoyed this story. It’s a little bit funny. I think it’s a little funny, but also it gives you a little idea about independence in American culture and how important it is.

Ok, I hope you enjoyed this little commentary, see you next time. Bye, bye.