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How to START a Conversation in English with Anyone

Vanessa: Hi. I’m Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. Let’s talk about starting a conversation. Vanessa: To improve your speaking skills in English, you need to speak, right? Practice the skills that you want to improve. It’s that easy. Well, maybe it’s not that easy. Vanessa: Hi.

Dan: Hi. Vanessa: What do I say next? Why isn’t he talking more? Dan: Oh, no. I don’t know what to say. Vanessa: You know what? This has probably happened to you in your native language, so it makes sense that in English, it can be tough to start a conversation, too. But, never fear, Vanessa’s tips are here! Vanessa: In life, there are two kinds of people; people you know and people you don’t know.

We call those strangers. So, it makes sense to have two different types of conversation starters. Of course, there’s some overlap, but it’s helpful to separate them. Vanessa: Let’s start with people you know. Imagine that you are in the grocery store, you’re pushing your cart, looking for some spinach, and you see a co-worker, and you want to say, hi. What can you say? Well, here are four great questions that you can ask in that situation, or that they might ask you, so you need to understand them and how to respond.

Vanessa: The first two questions are about the past. Let’s take a look. Vanessa: Hi, Dan. Dan: Hi. Vanessa: How are you? Dan: Pretty good. Vanessa: What’ve(have) you been up to lately? Dan: Oh, not much. Just went to see my family yesterday. What about you? Vanessa: Hi, Dan. Dan: Hi. Vanessa: How are you? Dan: Pretty good. Vanessa: What were you up to this weekend? Dan: Oh, not much.

Just went to see my family yesterday. What about you? Vanessa: These questions asked about sometime in the past. You can change the words to say, “lately”, “today”, “last weekend”, for “a recent holiday”. You can switch that up depending on the situation, but it’s great to ask about the past.

Vanessa: The next questions are going to ask about the present. Vanessa: What do you have going on today? Dan: Oh, not much. Just going to a friend’s house this evening. What about you? Vanessa: What’ve (have) you got going on today? Dan: Oh, not much. Just going to a friend’s house this evening.

What about you? Vanessa: These questions asked about the present. Did you notice the beautiful, casual verbs that were used here? “What’ve you got going on today?” “What have you got going on today?” “What are you doing today?” That’s another way to say it, but we often say, “What have you got going on today?”, and it’s really casual, informal, it’s great for these just, passing by, situations when you see someone who you already know.

Vanessa: Let’s go on to the next questions, which talk about the future. Vanessa: Do you have anything fun going on this weekend? Dan: Oh, not much. Just going to a friend’s house tomorrow. What about you? Vanessa: Do you have any plans for Easter? Dan: Oh, not much. Just going to have lunch with my family. What about you?

Vanessa: For these questions that ask about the future, I want you to be a little bit careful, because if you say this with a certain type of intonation, the other person, especially if you’re a guy talking to a girl, it could feel like you’re trying to ask them on a date, or maybe they’ll feel a little bit uncomfortable.

So, make sure that when you say, “Oh, do you have anything fun going on this weekend?” Make sure you say it with a smile, very casually. You don’t need to look them into the eye and say it seriously from the bottom of your heart. It’s just a casual question. Of course, unless you do want to ask them for a date.

And then, you can say it a little more seriously. But if you just want to casually say something to your co-worker, you need to have a light tone. Don’t worry about using this, just make sure you have a light tone, and you say it with a smile. “Oh, do you have anything fun going on this weekend?” Great. Like you saw on those sample conversation, Dan could have just said, “Not much.”

And then, stopped the conversation. Boring, boring, boring. But you know? Some people do that. If you’re lucky, the person you’re talking to might ask, “Not much, what about you?” Okay, at least they’re asking a question, and you can share some information about what you’re doing, or what you did over the weekend.

So, here, not everyone is going to give a lot of information, but they might give you something, and if they don’t, don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault, you tried your best. What about the second kind of people? People you don’t know. Strangers. In the U.S., we sometimes strike up a conversation with strangers, but it depends where you are. For example, in the south of the U.S.

where I live, it’s pretty common that when you pass by a stranger, you make eye contact and you might say, “Hi.” But, if you’re in Manhattan in New York, if you did that to every stranger who you passed by, “Hi. Hi. Hi.” People would think you’re a little bit strange. So, it depends on where you are in the U.S., but it’s certainly common to strike up a conversation with someone who you don’t know.

If you visit the U.S., I recommend visiting a grocery store called Trader Joe’s, because it’s a requirement for working there that every employee is amazing at having small talk conversations with strangers, and it’s part of their job to talk with customers. So, if you have ever visited a Trader Joe’s, you know exactly what I mean.

These employees are known for being so kind and so friendly, and if you go there, be prepared with some of these questions and be prepared to answer them, because they’ll definitely ask you them. Let’s think about a scenario where you might talk with the stranger. We can imagine you’re in the park. You’re walking your dog, and like dogs do, your dog is sniffing and going towards another dog.

Well, you’d like to strike up a conversation with the owner of that dog. What can you say? Vanessa: Aww, what a cute dog. Do you come here often? Dan: Yeah, we try to. It’s a great place to walk. Vanessa: Aww, what a cute dog. Have you ever been here before? Dan: Yeah, a lot. It’s a great place to walk.

Vanessa: Aww, what a cute dog. Dan: Yeah, he’s a sweetie. Vanessa: Have you been in Asheville for a while? Dan: Just two years. What about you? Vanessa: Aww, what a cute dog. Dan: Yeah, he’s a sweetie. Vanessa: Do you live nearby? Dan: Yeah, we live just down the street. What about you?

Vanessa: Like with the previous set of questions, it’s important to have a light attitude. If you ask someone, “Do you come here often?” The other person might feel a little bit uncomfortable, like, “Are they following me? Are they a scary person?” So, make sure you just say it lightly. “Oh, do you come here often?” No problem.

This is a great question to ask. And I ask this all the time when I go to the park and I’m playing with my toddler, and he ends up playing with another kid, and I ask the parent, “Oh, do you come here often?” It’s just a way to start a conversation. Okay, now it’s special notice time. I want to let you know that not everyone is a great conversationalist. You have to try your best and practice this.

So, if you ask these questions to someone, and they don’t respond, and you don’t have an amazing conversation, you know what? Maybe they’re just not a good conversationalist. Maybe they haven’t practiced this skill. So, I want you to be able to try your best, and then, it’s really up to the other person.

It’s their choice if the conversation continues. You might be thinking, “Vanessa, you seem like a good conversationalist. What do you know about being worried about what to say, or not knowing what to say?” Let me tell you a little story.

Well, Dan and I lived in South Korea for three years. So, that means that for three years, every time that I had small talk or started a conversation with someone, it was in Korean. That means that I didn’t practice small talk in English for three years. When we moved back to the U.S., I remember two situations.

One was when I was getting my drivers license because we had just moved back, so I needed my driver’s license again. And the man at the desk said something to me like, “Have you just moved here,” or “How’s your day going?” Some kind of typical small talk question. And I just did there, and I stuttered, and I didn’t really know what to say.

And then, he repeated the question, and I said something, probably something silly, and when I walked away from that conversation, I just laughed and thought, “What happened? This is my native language. Why can’t I respond to him?” And then, I realized, “Oh, I haven’t practiced small talk with strangers in English in three years.

I’m going to need a little bit of practice to get used to speaking like that again.” Then, a few weeks later, I was at Trader Joe’s, the grocery store that I mentioned to you, and I was getting a sample of food from one of the workers, and she asked me some typical question.

I don’t even remember what it was, but it was some kind of small talk question, and my brain just went, “Meeer,” and shut down completely. And I recognized this feeling because it happened a couple weeks earlier at the driver’s license place. So, I thought, I should just tell her why I am reacting like this.

So, I said, “I’m sorry. I just moved back from Korea and I haven’t had small talk in English for a long time, so I’m sorry about my awkwardness.” And, you know what, she had lived in Korea, too. It was a really unusual circumstance, but we bonded over that, and I could kind of loosen up a little bit and feel comfortable, because we started talking a little bit. And this helped me to get practice.

And practice and practice and repetition is what’s going to help you to really improve this skill. Always remember that, a smile is the best tool. Sometimes when we feel nervous, our face gets really serious and we forget to smile. But, something happens when you smile, you start to loosen up.

You start to feel a little more comfortable, and maybe you’ll be able to remember some of the sentences and questions that we talked about.