The Importance of Being Earnest, Part 2, The Proposal"

Narrator Algernon has just asked his good friend Jack to explain why he calls himself Jack in the country but Ernest in London. Jack says it’s because he is the guardian of a girl called Cecily, who lives with him in the country. She looks up to him and he feels he should behave well when he’s with her, so he pretends he has a younger brother called Ernest so that when he comes up to London, he can enjoy himself.

Jack That, my dear Algy, is the whole truth.

Algernon So, Ernest, you are a Bunburyist !

Jack What on earth do you mean?

Algernon You have invented a very useful younger brother called Ernest, so that you can come to London as often as you like. I have invented a sick friend called Bunbury so that I can go to the country whenever I like. Bunbury is invaluable . For example, if Bunbury didn’t have such bad health, I would have to have dinner with my aunt Lady Bracknell tonight. And I have no intention of doing that.

Jack Why not?

Algernon Well, to begin with, I had dinner with her on Monday - once a week is quite enough to eat with your own relations. Secondly, I know I will be seated next to Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband - most unpleasant! Besides, I want to have dinner with you and talk about Bunburyism.

Jack I’m not a… Bunburyist. In fact I think I am going to kill my brother Ernest. Cecily is a little too interested in him. And I strongly advise you to do the same with Mr… with your sick friend.

Algernon I will not be separated from Bunbury… (a bell rings) Ah! That must be my aunt now. Now, if I keep her busy for ten minutes so you can propose to Gwendolen, will you have dinner with me tonight?

Jack Alright Algy…

Lane Lady Augusta Bracknell and Miss Gwendolen Fairfax.

Narrator A well-dressed, elderly woman and her daughter, a pretty, young lady enter the room.

Lady Bracknell Good afternoon, dear Algernon. Oh, hello, Mr Worthing.

Jack Hello, Lady…

Lady Bracknell Now, Algernon… I’d like a nice cup of tea, and one of those cucumber sandwiches you promised me.

Algernon Certainly, Aunt Augusta. Good heavens! Lane! Why are there no cucumber sandwiches?

Lane There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, sir.

Algernon No cucumbers!

Lane No, sir.

Algernon I am very sorry, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell It doesn’t matter, Algernon. Pour me some tea.

Algernon Here you are.

Lady Bracknell Thank you. Now, Algernon, about tonight - you will be seated next to Mary Farquhar.

Algernon I’m afraid, Aunt Augusta, I won’t be able to have dinner with you tonight.

Lady Bracknell But why not, Algernon?

Algernon Well, I have just heard that my poor friend Bunbury is very ill again. I’ll have to go and see him.

Lady Bracknell It’s very strange. This Mr Bunbury seems to have curiously bad health. I think it is time that he made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. And I would be very grateful if you could ask Mr Bunbury to please not be ill on Saturday, because I need you to organise my music at my soir ee .

Algernon I’ll speak to him, Aunt Augusta, and I’m sure he’ll be well by Saturday. But why don’t we go next door to look at the programme of music I’ve prepared.

Lady Bracknell Thank you, Algernon. It is very thoughtful of you.

Narrator Algernon and his aunt go into the music room, leaving Jack and Gwendolen alone.

Jack It has been a lovely day, Miss Fairfax.

Gwendolen Please don’t talk to me about the weather, Mr Worthing. Whenever people talk about the weather, I am sure they mean something else. And that makes me nervous.

Jack I do mean something else.

Gwendolen I thought so.

Jack Miss Fairfax, ever since I met you I have admired you…

Gwendolen Yes, I realised that. Actually, I have always been fascinated by you… even before we met.

Jack Really?

Gwendolen Yes, I’ve always wanted to love someone called Ernest. That name inspires complete confidence. When Algernon first mentioned that he had a friend called Ernest, I knew I was destined to love you.

Jack You really love me, Gwendolen?

Gwendolen Passionately !

Jack But you don’t really mean that you couldn’t love me if my name wasn’t Ernest?

Gwendolen But your name is Ernest.

Jack Yes, I know. But what if it was something else? Do you mean you couldn’t love me then? Personally, I don’t think the name suits me.

Gwendolen It suits you perfectly.

Jack But there are lots of other much nicer names. Jack, for instance, is a charming name.

Gwendolen Jack? Oh, no, Jack does not have the same sound at all. It’s not exciting. The only really safe name is Ernest.

Jack Gwendolen, I must get christened at once - I mean, we must get married at once.

Gwendolen Married, Mr Worthing?

Jack Well… surely. You know that I love you, and you led me to believe, Miss Fairfax, that you felt the same.

Gwendolen I adore you. But you haven’t proposed to me yet. Nothing has been said at all about marriage.

Jack Well… may I propose to you now?

Narrator And so Jack kneels down and asks Gwendolen to marry him. She accepts and Jack is still on his knees when Lady Bracknell returns.

Lady Bracknell Mr Worthing! Do get up!

Gwendolen Mamma! Please leave us. Mr Worthing has not quite finished yet.

Lady Bracknell Finished what, may I ask?

Gwendolen I am engaged to Mr Worthing, mamma.

Lady Bracknell Pardon me, you are not engaged to anyone. When you do become engaged, I, or your father will tell you. A young girl should be surprised by an engagement, pleasantly or unpleasantly. It is not something that she is allowed to arrange for herself… And now I would like to ask you a few questions, Mr Worthing. Gwendolen, can you wait for me below in the carriage.

Gwendolen Mamma!