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Small Talk Mastery – Interactive Lesson B

Hi, this is AJ, welcome to the interactive B lesson. In this lesson I’m will ask questions about the essay. You answer in a strong voice. When you answer you can use just one or two words it’s okay. Short answers are okay.

Let’s begin…

The most frequent interaction you’ll ever have is introducing yourself.

Is this a rare interaction?

No. Introducing yourself is not a rare interaction.

What kind of interaction is it?

It’s a frequent interaction. Introducing yourself is a frequent interaction.

Everyone you’re close with now, was a stranger at some point.

Were your friend’s strangers to you in the past?

Yes, your friends were strangers to you in the past before you met them.

Everyone you’re close with now, was a stranger at some point. So, if you want to bring amazing people into your life, nailing this is essential.

What is essential? Nailing what?

Nailing small talk. Nailing introductions.

Do you need to nail introductions?

Yes, you need to do very, very well. You need to nail introductions. You need to do introductions very well.

What do you need to nail?

Introductions, you need to nail introductions.

Why do you need to nail introductions?

Well, so you can meet more people. So you can make more friends. So you can practice your English more. Many reasons. For these reasons you need to do what?

Nail introductions. What’s absurd is that 99% of people are habitually boring with introductions.

Are most people interesting with introductions or boring?

Most people are boring with introductions. They are habitually boring, constantly boring.

They say things like, hey how are you? I’m good, how about you? These are totally stock conversations.

Are they creative conversations?

No, they’re not creative conversations they are stock conversations. They are frequently used, almost automatic conversations.

So are they boring conversations or are they interesting conversations?

They’re boring conversations. They are stock conversations, automatic, boring conversations because nothing of value is communicated.

Another example…

Where are you from? I’m from Philadelphia. Ah cool. What do you do? I’m an operations consultant at a big firm. Very nice. What about you?

Again, is this a stock conversation or a creative conversation?

It’s a stock conversation. In fact, it’s completely predictable.

Is it predictable or is it unpredictable?

It’s predictable.

What is predictable?

This conversation. This conversation is completely predictable.

Are most introductions completely predictable?

Yes, sadly. Most introductions are completely predictable. They’re uninteresting to both parties.

Are they uninteresting to just one person or group?

No, no, no, no, not just to one, they are uninteresting to both parties, to both sides, to both people, to both groups. They are uninteresting to both parties, because very little of substance is said. Is there a lot of substance, a lot of important information in most introductions?

No, there’s not a lot of substance.

However, how are you? Where are you from? And what do you do, are the three most common questions in every first interaction you’ll ever have, in every introduction you’ll ever have. So it’s worth putting a little bit of effort into your answers; here’s how.

1. Lead the conversation

People don’t want one word responses. Give them two to five sentences so they have something to talk about.

1. Break patterns

Answer ways that jolt people out of autopilot.

What do you want to do to people?

Jolt them, shock them, surprise them.

You want to jolt people out of what?

Out of autopilot, out of their automatic, boring responses.

Do you want people to be comfortable or do you want to jolt them?

You want to jolt them. You want to shock them. You want to surprise them in good ways.

Why do you want to jolt them, jolt them out of what?

Out of autopilot, out of automatic responses.

Why do you want to jolt them out of autopilot?

To create more interesting conversations. To create a better connection.

1. Be fun, make people smile and laugh

2. Share something important about yourself. Share your values and motivations

What should you share about yourself, two things?

Values and motivations.

Should you be quiet about your values and motivations?

No, of course not, you should share your values and motivations. Apply those four principles to any question you get and you have what kind of response, what kind?

A dynamite response. An amazing, great response.

If you use these four principles, what kind of response will you have?

A dynamite response. You’ll have a dynamite response, a great response.

Here’s a good example… How are you? I’m phenomenal. I snuck out of the office a bit early to take my son to the baseball game. I’m not a big fan myself, but I love seeing how happy it makes him.

Did he leave the office in a loud way, in an obvious way?

No, no, no, he didn’t leave the office in a loud way, in an obvious way.

What did he do?

He snuck out of the office. He left the office quietly and secretly.

What did he do?

He snuck out. He snuck out of the office.

When he snuck out of the office where did he go next?

He went to a baseball game. He snuck out of the office and went to a baseball game.

What kind of answer was this?

It was an effusive answer, effusive meaning, enthusiastic, emotional, fun; an effusive answer.

With introductions do you want to give stock answers or do you want to give effusive answers?

You want to give effusive answers, emotional, fun, enthusiastic answers; effusive answers.

Effusive answers break the pattern of just saying good or fine. Also, you want to elaborate in a way that shares something about what is important to you.

Do you want to talk about details?

Yes, you do.

You want to what?

You want to elaborate. You want to elaborate. You want to talk a lot about details. Elaborate in a way that shares something about what is important to you. Talk about the details about what is important to you.

So you will do what?

Elaborate, elaborate.

Here’s another example…

Where are you from? New York originally, but I got very tired of the heads down, speak to no strangers, avoid eye contact at all costs attitude. I wanted to live somewhere where people were warmer, so I decided on Latin America. I just love how open and affectionate people are to strangers. I’ve been totally blown away.

Was he shocked and surprised in a good way about Latin America?

Yes! He was blown away by Latin America.

Was he amazed or bored by Latin America?

He was amazed by Latin America. He was blown away by Latin America.

In Latin America were the people affectionate or cold?

Affectionate. In Latin America the people were very affectionate. They showed their caring. They hugged and said hello very warm and affectionate, caring.

Where were the people affectionate?

Latin America. The people were affectionate in Latin America and he was blown away, amazed and surprised.

This answer breaks the traditional pattern of just listing what city you were born in. The answer shares something about your journey, your life, as well as why you moved where you did. This answer gets a chuckle when talking about New York and then leads the conversation to talk about the different cultures.

Does this answer get a big laugh or a small laugh?

Just a small laugh, just a chuckle.

The answer gets just a what?

A chuckle, a small laugh, a chuckle.

And here’s another example…

What do you do? I’m a computer doctor. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved breaking things and putting them back together. So it fulfills my nerdy streak and my ego, since I get to be the one person who can fix stuff when things go bad. Does this guy have a nerdy streak or a sporty streak?

A nerdy streak. He has a nerdy streak, an intellectual streak. He’s not an athlete he’s nerdy. He likes computers.

Do nerdy people like sports or computers, usually?

Nerdy people usually like computers, science, things like that.

So what kind of person is this?

A nerdy person. He’s a nerdy person.

Computer doctor breaks the pattern of just listing a job title. Then, talking about why you got into the industry by relating it back to a childhood shows relatable qualities; helps you connect. Ending on the self-effacing joke creates more laughter.

Is this a joke about other people?

No, it’s not a joke about other people it’s a self-effacing joke. It’s a joke about yourself.

Is it a joke that makes you look really good or that is humble?

Well, it’s a joke that’s humble, a self-effacing joke is a humble joke. So describing yourself as nerdy, that’s a self-effacing joke.

These are just examples to get you started. The goal is simple, rework your answers to the three most common questions you get so that they intrigue others.

So you want to rework, you want to redo your introductions so that they what?

So that your answers intrigue others.

Should your answers interest other people or not?

Yes, they should. They should interest other people. Your answers should intrigue others. Your answers should create curiosity.

What should intrigue others?

Your answers, your small talk answers should intrigue others.

Okay, that is the end of this lesson, part B. I will see you in the commentary.