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Small Talk Mastery – Interactive Essay Lesson A

Hi, this is AJ, welcome to this month’s VIP interactive lesson. In Part A I will read the essay and explain the vocabulary.

Let’s begin

The most frequent interaction you’ll ever have is introducing yourself. After all, everyone you’re close with was a stranger at some point. So, if you want to bring amazing people into your life, nailing this part of the interaction is essential. What’s absurd is that 99% of people are habitually boring and uninteresting in this part of the interaction, like this. Hey, how are you? I’m good, how about you? Doing great. How is your family? Very well, how about yours? Great, great. These are totally stuck conversation answers, completely boring and nothing of value is communicated.

Here’s another example…

So, where are you from? I’m from Philadelphia. Very cool. Uh, what did you say you did? I’m an operations consultant at a big firm. Very nice. What about you?

Again, this is completely predictable, a completely predictable conversation, uninteresting to both parties, and very little of substance is actually said. All that, despite the fact that, how are you? Where are you from? And what do you do, are the three most common questions in every first interaction you’ll ever have. So maybe it’s worth putting a little more effort in; here’s how.

1. Lead the conversation

People don’t want one word responses. Giving them two to five sentences so that they have something to actually respond to is best.

1. Break patterns

Answer in a way that jolts people out of autopilot.

1. Be fun, make people smile and laugh
2. Share something important about yourself, like your values and motivations

Apply those four principles to any question you get and you have a dynamite response. Here’s an example…

How are you? I’m phenomenal. I snuck out of the office a bit early to take my son to the baseball game. I’m not a big fan myself, but I love seeing how happy it makes him. Notice the effusive answer, it breaks the pattern of good, fine. Then, elaborating in a way that shares something about what is important to you, while leading the conversation.

Here’s another example… Where are you from? New York originally, but I got very tired of the heads down, speak to no strangers, avoid eye contact at all costs attitude. I wanted to live somewhere where people were warmer, so I decided on Latin America. I just love how open and affectionate people are to strangers. I’ve been totally blown away.

This answer breaks the traditional pattern of just listing what city you’re from. It shares something about your journey, as well as why you moved where you did. It gets a chuckle when talking about New York and then leads the conversation to talk about the different cultures.

And here’s another example…

What do you do? I’m a computer doctor. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved breaking things and putting them back together. So it fulfills my nerdy streak and my ego, since I get to be the one person who can fix stuff when things go bad.

Computer doctor breaks the pattern of just listing a boring job title. Then, talking about why you got into the industry by relating it back to a childhood event shows relatable qualities. Ending on the self-effacing joke creates more laughter.

These are just examples to get you started. The goal is simple, rework your answers to the three most common questions you get so that they intrigue others.

Now let’s learn the vocabulary. Back to the beginning, we have the word…

Vocabulary

Interaction – (interaction) – interaction is a two-way action or two-way influence.

We usually talk about this socially, like if you’re talking to someone. It’s two-way, one person talks and then the other person talks, so it goes both directions. So it’s a two-way action or influence.

Close with – (close with) – to be close with someone means you have a caring relationship with someone. You have a caring relationship with them. You’re close with them.

Nailing this – (nailing this) – nailing this is important. Here nailing means to do well, to do very well.

So nailing this test is important, it means doing very well on the test, is important.

Absurd – (absurd) – absurd means unreasonable or ridiculous, unreasonable or ridiculous. Absurd-absurd.

Habitually - (habitually) – habitually means done consistently, something that is done consistently. I habitually brush my teeth every night. It means I consistently, every single night, brush my teeth. I habitually do it.

A stock conversation – (a stock conversation) – this means a regularly used conversation. Almost automatic.

For example, if you say hi, how are you? I’m fine and you? That is a stock conversation. It’s used again and again and again and again and again, almost automatically without thinking.

Operations consultant – this is just a job title. Operations means the process of doing something. How something is done in a business usually, operations. And a consultant is like a business coach, so it’s like a process coach for business; operations consultant.

A firm, a business firm – is just a kind of company. So a firm is a company.

Specifically, it’s usually a partnership. It’s a company that is a partnership of two or more people. For example, we often say a law firm. A law firm is a company of lawyers and they’re in a partnership, there are two or three or more lawyers in a firm, a firm. It’s a kind of partnership company, a firm.

Next word…

Predictable – predictable means expected.

Both parties – (both parties) – here both parties means both people or both groups of people.

So, you know, the normal definition of party, you know you’re having a good time, yeah party. But, a party can also just mean a group of people, a group of people. So here, both parties means both people.

Substance – substance has a few meanings but in this essay substance means, an important quality. An important quality or an important trait, substance.

So you want to talk about things of substance, meaning important things.

Patterns – patterns are things that are repeated.

For example, repeated behavior. That’s a behavioral pattern. Or we can have speech patterns, repeated speech. Hi, how are you? I’m fine, and you? That’s a pattern, a common pattern that’s repeated many times.

To jolt – (jolts or to jolt the verb) – means to surprise and shock.

If you jolt someone you surprise them, you shock them.

Autopilot – autopilot means automatic pilot.

This comes from flying, because in an airplane they have a computer that’s called the autopilot and the computer can fly the plane. But, we also use this more generally, this phrase autopilot. It just means any automatic behavior, an automatic behavior; autopilot. You can say when I drive I’m on autopilot. When I drive I’m on autopilot. It means, I’m just doing it automatically, I’m not thinking, I’m not paying attention, like it just happens almost automatically; autopilot.

Blown away – means surprised or amazed, blown away.

I’m blown away. I was blown away by that movie, means I was surprised and amazed by the movie and it has the idea of, in a positive way.

Values and motivations – (values and motivations) – a value is something that’s important to you. It’s like a belief about what is important, a value. So your values are the things that are most important to you. Motivations is a similar word, motivations are your reasons for actions, your reasons for doing things.

Right, your motivation for eating is hunger. Why do you eat? Because you’re hungry. It’s the reason you eat, it’s your motivation.

A dynamite response – this means a fantastic response, an explosive and fantastic response. Dynamite is something that explodes, but if we use it as an adjective to describe something it usually means fantastic. So a dynamite response is a fantastic response, a great response.

Next phrase…

Snuck out of – I snuck out of the audience. I snuck out of the office. It means to leave secretly and this is the past tense, so left secretly. It means you go out but in a secret, very quiet way. I snuck out of the office, I snuck out of my job. It means you left your job but you did it very quietly so no one would notice; snuck out of.

Effusive answer – (effusive, effusive) – effusive means enthusiastic or with strong positive emotion, effusive. Very open, enthusiastic and positive, effusive. So an effusive answer is an answer is an answer that’s very enthusiastic, and emotional and open, in a positive way.

Next…

Elaborating or to elaborate is the verb, to elaborate) – and this just means, speaking in detail or speaking about details. It means talking more and more about details.

So, for example, you could say how are you? I’m fine. That’s a very short answer. If you elaborate then you say I’m fine, oh, because I went and got a massage so now I feel very relaxed. You’re talking about more details. You are elaborating. So elaborating means speaking about more details, speaking in more detail.

Heads down – heads down behavior, heads down attitude – it literally means looking down. So in the answer it’s talking about New York, people walk around with their heads down. It means they’re looking down at the ground.

Affectionate – affectionate means showing, caring or showing even love.

Right, so if you hug someone that’s affectionate, you’re showing, you’re demonstrating that you care about them, that you like them. So it’s showing or demonstrating love or friendship or caring; affectionate, affectionate. Journey – a journey is just a trip. And we could talk about a life journey, it’s kind of your trip through life, all your experiences. That is a life journey, a journey. Next…

A chuckle – (a chuckle) – a chuckle is a small laugh. It’s a kind of laughter, but it’s a small one like, ha-ha-ha-ha. That’s a chuckle. It’s short and it’s kind of small. It’s not like yah-hah-hah- hah-hah, really big laughing for a long time, that’s not a chuckle. A chuckle is a short little laugh, ha-ha-ha; a chuckle.

Next…

Nerdy – like a nerdy streak. Nerdy means very intellectual, very smart, very intellectual. It also has the idea of not social, not very social.

So a nerdy person is someone, maybe they like, they wear glasses and they study physics and they’re very, very intellectual but may not social. Maybe they’re very shy, this is the idea of nerdy. So a nerdy streak means a nerdy trait, nerdy quality. It means you’re kind of nerdy, kind of intellectual but maybe not so social.

Next…

A self-effacing joke – (self-effacing joke) – self-effacing means kind of like humble. It means putting yourself down. Right, so a self-effacing joke is a joke about yourself.

So sometimes, right, you can joke about other people. You can make fun of other people, so you tell a joke about someone else and everybody laughs at them, but you can also tell a joke about yourself to make yourself look funny, to make yourself look stupid or foolish, that’s a self-effacing joke, a joke about yourself.

Next we have the phrase…

Rework – to rework – to rework something means to do it again, to do it again.

Maybe you write a paper, but the paper’s not so good so you say oh, I need to rework this paper. I need to do the paper again to improve it, to rework, to rework.

Finally we have…

Intrigue others – to intrigue others – to intrigue others means to create curiosity, to create interest, to create curiosity from other people, in other people. To intrigue, to intrigue means to create curiosity, to create interest.

And that’s the end of our vocabulary for this lesson in part A. In part B I will do the essay again with questions and you will answer the questions.

See you there.