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Contribution Main Text

Hi, this is A.J. and welcome to this month’s VIP lesson. The topic for this month is ‘Contribution’. It’s a very simple topic, very important and something I have been thinking about a lot in my own life.

You know a lot of these VIP lesson and Power English too, actually, you know, they come from things that I am learning myself. You know, I’m not a super master like Tony Robbins where my life is perfect and I’m making, you know, billions of dollars and all of this. You know, that’s not me, but I am always trying to improve, always trying to learn.

I’m an English teacher, but I’m also someone who constantly wants to improve and have a better and happier life and to have success in all parts of my life. And, so, when I learn things I want to share them with you, I mean that’s the purpose of this VIP Program. We’re all learning together, including me. We’re all encouraging each other, including me. We’re all helping each other and supporting each other. That’s what the VIP Program is about. Of course, it’s about confident English speaking and, of course, I can do that, luckily for me, but it’s also about gaining more success in our personal lives and helping other people and that’s what true leadership is about.

I want to talk a little more about this idea of helping other people and that’s really the meaning of the word contribution. Contribution means to help others, you know, outside of yourself. Now that might be people, it could even be animals, it could be something more general like society, but it’s the idea of giving. That’s what really contribution means. It means to give.

Of course, at the most basic level, we can give money. So you have a lot of, you know, groups, maybe nonprofit groups that will request money. Please contribute money to us.

That’s one kind of contribution, but I think it’s the weakest kind and the least effective and it doesn’t feel that great. I think it has the smallest impact. And I do that. You know, I do give money to different charities and different groups, but when I talk about contribution, I’m really talking about giving to other people in ways small and big in a more direct way in our daily lives.

I have found something very interesting in this. When you give to other people, when you focus on contributing to other people, when you make contribution one of your top values, something that you focus on every single day, it totally changes you. Now you know we’ve talked about in the VIP Program this idea of leadership and the idea of true leadership is helping other people. Of course that’s true, but I think we should think about the benefits of doing that and really think deeply about this idea of contribution. I have been doing this recently.

As some of you know, I’ve had some tough times in my life recently, personally, and like everybody else I can go up and down with my feeling, with my mood, but I’ve noticed something very interesting and that is when I focus on contribution, when I focus on helping other people, when I focus on doing a great job for other people, trying to make other people happy, trying to help other people be successful, I notice that my sadness or tiredness or depression disappears. It’s amazing. In fact, I know of no better cure for depression or sadness or tiredness than contribution.

So, I don’t know, this is one of those great laws of the Universe, I think. This idea that the more you give the more you receive and a lot of people focus on that idea in terms of money. You know, if I give a lot of money to charities or different groups then I will receive more money and I don’t know if that’s true or not, but you know there’s something that’s more direct and more immediate and that is when you give, when you focus on giving or helping or contributing in some way, small or big, you immediately receive something. You immediately receive more happiness and more mental calm. I mean you get an immediate benefit when you help other people. Let me give you an example of this.

As some of you know, I was recently divorced. Tamoa and I got recently divorced and, of course, a very tough, sad situation. I was in Thailand and feeling pretty bad and I had some seminars coming up. In fact, I had my first seminar to do for a group of people, maybe 50 people, and you know I just didn’t have much energy and I was just trying to convince myself come on A.J., come on, you can do it, come on, you can do it. You’ve got to have a lot of energy. Come on, you can do it. Come on, you can do it, but I just wasn’t feeling good, as you can imagine.

Well something amazing happened. When I arrived at the location or the seminar, I started immediately to feel better, because I started chatting and talking with the people who were coming to attend and then that started to remind me why I was there. I started to remember that I was there to help these people that I was there to help them feel happier. I was there to teach them better ways to improve their English and that that would help them in their lives.

And, so, as I started to think about these things and remember my purpose of contribution, my sadness just disappeared. My tiredness disappeared. I started to get more and more and more energy in my body and in my mind and then when the seminar started ahh! I was up there jumping and shouting and moving and trying to entertain them and trying to make them laugh and smile and trying to teach them great information so that would learn it and know it. I was trying to help them and contribute in every way possible and not just a little bit, kind of, I tried to do it in the most powerful way I could, as much as possible. I was sweating.

In fact, when I go to seminars, if you ever come to my seminar, you’ll notice I usually wear a black shirt and that’s because I used to wear white shirts or blue shirts like this, but I sweat so much when I’m teaching the seminars, because I’m jumping and shouting and moving and going crazy and dancing around, that I sweat and then it covers my shirt in sweat. If I wear a black shirt nobody notices.

But the point of this is that I’m giving all of my energy, all of my knowledge, everything I can to those people in that room. I am trying to contribute massively at that moment and when that happens, when I’m doing that, when I am totally focused on contributing to other people, I completely forget my own problems and, in fact, my own problems become smaller and smaller in my mind, because even after the seminar is over, I feel great. I mean I’m tired, but I feel really wonderful, because I know that I tried to contribute as much as possible.

Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Maybe the people liked me, maybe they didn’t. Everybody is different, but the point is that I, from my heart and my mind, was giving everything I could during those moments and that totally changes my own feelings and my own thoughts and not just in the moment, but even afterwards. Because, like I said, after the seminar I leave and I’m still feeling great.

And, so, I was doing all these seminars in this tour of Asia, in Thailand; also, we had some meetings where we would meet members and talk to them. It was just kind of more of a happy social time, but that too was a kind of contribution. I was answering their questions and encouraging them. So this happened in Vietnam and in Singapore and in Malaysia and during this whole tour, this four months of contribution where I was basically focused on contribution the whole time during that entire four month period and in a very direct way, meeting people, seeing them as I was teaching them and trying to help them, wow, it totally changed how I felt.

It changed me. It changed my life. It made me much, much happier and that got me thinking much more about the power of contribution and realizing that, you know, this is definitely a human need. Tony Robbins talks about that. Contribution is one of our human needs, but it’s also a powerful way for us to transform ourselves. This is what is most powerful to me, because it is this kind of Universal Law. You know, this idea that when you give it comes back to you, but it comes back to you immediately, you know, but you have to do it from your heart. It has to come from your heart and your mind. You have to give as much as you can. It’s gotta’ pour out of you. So just writing a check and giving it to some charity, that doesn’t do it, you know? That’s not going to transform you.

It’s gotta’ really come from inside.

I’ve noticed that this can transform you even physically, because many times I have gone to a seminar and at the beginning, before my seminar, I’m tired. I mean I’m physically tired. And, of course, I do all my things with my physiology and yeah, yeah, yeah, to get myself feeling better and, certainly, that energizes me, but still sometimes there’s a bit of tiredness in there. I’m just like ah, I’m kind of tired. I don’t know why, maybe I didn’t sleep enough.

You know for our two day seminar, for example, we did two full days. So the first day I’m jumping and going crazy and then we’ve gotta’ go back and do it all again the second day. And, so, of course, I changed my physiology. I did all the things that I teach you guys, but still there could be some tiredness there in the beginning and, yet, at the end of the day, I’m feeling totally and completely energized, yeah! What happened? I didn’t become more fit and healthy in six hours or eight hours, so what was it?

Well, I believe it was the contribution – the fact that I was focused for a full eight hours on just giving and giving and giving and giving and doing my very best for all the people in the room. It changed me. It massively energized me, not only emotionally and mentally, but also physically. I could feel it in my body, just like this incredible energy.

So, I hope I’ve convinced you of the power of contribution, the power of giving to other people and not just in a passive way, but in a way that comes from your heart that comes from emotion. There’s got to be some emotion coming from you, some feeling of generosity or the desire to make people happy or the desire to help and it’s gotta’ come from inside. If you’re not feeling it I believe you’re not really contributing. I don’t care if you write a check for $10 million, if it’s not coming from your heart, I just don’t think it’s powerful. I just don’t think it’s that great. You don’t need to be rich to contribute, not at all.

So let’s talk about this and let’s get more practical now. So that’s kind of the philosophy, it’s what’s been happening in my life, what I’ve seen in my life, but let’s talk a little more practically about how can we contribute, really think about it.

Well the first step to this is to realize that you are all ready contributing and you’re already contributing a lot in your life, but I think most of us we don’t think about it. We don’t realize it. Sometimes, in fact, we even feel a little negative about our contributions because we feel like we’re not appreciated, right?

I know I’ve done this too. You know, I’m helping out a friend or I’m helping out somebody and I’m contributing to them and trying to be helpful and it’s coming from my heart and I’m trying to be very generous, but then they don’t seem to appreciate it. They don’t say thank you or they say thank you, but they just don’t seem very grateful and at that point it’s sometimes easy to feel like man, I’m helping them and I’m not appreciated.

Even worse, sometimes we’re taken advantage of. To be taken advantage of means someone else kind of cheats you. It’s like you tried to help them, but they actually then kind of cheat you in return. Not only are they not grateful, they also actually even try to cheat you, because you’re being so generous and they try to take more and more. So that’s called being taken advantage of.

And that has happened to me, in the last couple of years, especially. I’ve tried to help a lot of people, friends and family, and some of them have taken advantage of me and then that, of course, has upset me too and I’m sure you are the same in your life. There are people in your life who you do contribute to, some of them are appreciate, some are not and probably in your life you’ve been taken advantage of by people.

And, so, what can happen is, because of all of this, number one, we can start getting some negative feelings about contribution if we feel like well, I gave and nobody noticed. I gave and nobody appreciated me. I gave and someone took advantage of me.

That’s one bad thing that can happen.

Another bad thing that can happen is just that we forget. We don’t even realize how much we’re contributing. Other people aren’t telling us and we don’t even notice ourselves. We forget to remember it. We forget to focus on it and when we forget to focus on it, it doesn’t become stronger; instead, it becomes weaker and weaker. It doesn’t become a big motivator for us. What I’m saying is the first step or the first key is to focus on and remember and notice every day the contributions you are already making, even if no one else notices, even if no one else appreciates it. You appreciate it. You notice it.

So notice in your immediate family, perhaps, how do you help people? If you just help clean up the house – that’s a contribution. You’re helping everybody who lives in that house. If you make some food for somebody – that’s a contribution. If you go to a job and you make money to take care of your family – that is a contribution. If you say something nice to someone, you give someone a small compliment that is a contribution. If somebody is feeling sad, tired, upset and you help them at that time, if you just listen to them, you care and you listen – that is a contribution.

So all these little things you do, big or small, they’re contributions. I mean you could even think of it as if you go to a business and you buy something from them, you’re contributing to the owner of that business and the people who work there. That is also a contribution. You’re helping the people who work there have a job. You’re helping the owner of that business have a good life for himself and his family or her family – contributions.

In fact, if you think of it deeply and you really look at it, you’re contributing constantly, all the time to other people. Constantly, constantly, constantly you’re doing this, so what I want you to do this month, VIP, is first of all, your first assignment, is just notice and realize how much you’re contributing. I mean every time you interact with another person you can contribute. You just listen sympathetically – that’s a contribution. You say something nice to them – that’s a contribution.

These are small contributions, but they’re meaningful. Notice them, notice them, notice them and as you notice them you’ll start to feel good. You’ll start to notice that when you do these things you feel better. Like I said something nice to them and they smiled and I feel better. Maybe I should do it more often. Hum, right?

This is what happens naturally. You don’t need to force it. You don’t need to push it. Just by noticing the contributions you’re already making, just by noticing the little bits of happiness that you feel and that you’re giving to other people or if not happiness knowledge or money even, it doesn’t matter, there are so many ways to contribute, an infinite number of ways to contribute. All you need to do is notice every time you do it and you can notice how it feels and you can notice how the other person is reacting.

That’s all that’s necessary. It’s actually quite simple, but just by doing this, you know, what you focus on becomes stronger. This is one of those psychology principles – that if you focus on something negative, the negative becomes stronger in your life because you’re focused on it. So, of course, it’s going to become more and more negative. If you focus on contribution, don’t change anything, just focus on, notice, all the ways you’re contribution already it will get stronger by itself. You’ll just start doing it more and more and you’ll start feeling happier and happier, so that’s number one.

Number two what I want you to do and you can do this at the same time as number one, I want you to also notice all the ways other people have contributed to you in the past; are contributing to you now. This is a great exercise, by the way, and basically what we’re talking about is gratitude. But, you know, I’ve done this many times where I’ll go back and I’ll just think about, you know, like my past and, like for example, with my mother and I’ll think of all the ways my mother contributed to me. You know from when I was a child and then when I was in college and she still does it. It’s just wow, I realize, man, my mom has helped me a lot. And I can do this with my father. I can do this with good friends, with anybody who’s ever been in my life.

Even people in the past who maybe now I’m not friends with them and maybe we don’t even like each other much anymore, I can still remember ways that they contributed to me in the past and with that gratitude it’s much easier to forgive them if they did something bad to me.

So what I want you to do then is to just, first of all, one day you can just sit down maybe with a notebook and just write out all the ways that people contribute to you. You can just write it, it doesn’t need to be organized, just start writing and writing and writing. Oh, wow, this person gave me money and this person said something nice to me and my mom, of course, she gave birth to me, but maybe, you know, she’s done a lot of other great things.

Even if the person has done bad things too, don’t focus on those things. I know some people have had terrible mothers. That’s fine, but I bet she contributed something at some point. Just remember those parts and don’t focus on the other parts for this purpose, for this exercise.

And then, of course, focus on your life right now too. What are all the ways that people are contributing to you? If you have a job and you’re getting money from that job, a paycheck, well that job is contributing to you, even if you hate the job. And believe me, I’ve been in many jobs that I hated, yet, still that business is giving you something and you can just acknowledge it. Ah, that’s a contribution. Maybe I would like something better soon or later, but still that’s a contribution and I can acknowledge that and remember it.

Countless ways that people in the world, the Universe itself is contributing to you. In fact, if you really want to get, you know, spiritual about it, you could think about just the sun and the air and the water and the food that you have and everything and all the different ways that the earth contributes to you, that the air contributes to you, that the sun, the Universe, whatever you want to call it.

So just go through this exercise and notice it and as you’re going about your day, your normal day to day, any time someone does something nice for you, says a nice thing, maybe helps you out with some work, whatever it is, gives you some advice, realize that’s a contribution and just acknowledge it. Just nod your head and smile. Hum, that’s nice. That’s all you have to do. So that’s step number two for this month of contribution focus.

So, first, you’re going to focus on all the ways you are contributing to other people and you can appreciate it yourself. You don’t need them to say anything to you and then, second, you’re going to focus on all the ways that other people are contributing to you.

Okay, now number three. So you’ve focused on all the ways you’re contributing yourself and you’re going to notice that all month. You’re noticing all the ways that you contribute, small and big, and you’re going to also take a few days to really think about all the ways other people contribute to you and to notice that too and acknowledge it.

Well the next thing I want you to think about, as you go about doing this, is how can I contribute more? How can I contribute more to my family? How can I contribute more to my friends? How can I contribute more to the world? And I want you to do this step by step, so I want you first just to think, how can I contribute more to my family?

Some people I know have very terrible family lives and maybe this is a bad question. So if it is, don’t worry about it, skip it. You probably have friends, so you can focus on that, but if you have some people in your family who you get along with and everything is fine then I want you to think about how can I contribute more to my family? And think of it from an emotional standpoint, not money. We’re not talking about money here, okay? In fact, don’t even involve money with this. I want you to think about how can you contribute, you know, with your heart and your brain and your body? How can you contribute more to people in your family?

If you’re married and you have kids, well great, that’s very easy. You’ve got several people you can contribute a lot too. How could you contribute more to your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean could you just give them more compliments throughout the day?

Maybe if that other person is contributing to you and of course they are, maybe as you notice them contributing more and you start noticing ah, you know, yeah, wow, my wife she cooks for me or she’s cleaning the house or she’s always helping with the kids, she’s doing all this stuff, wow, she’s contributing to me a lot every day. I mean that’s amazing. She’s really amazing. In fact, all day long she’s doing these contributions.

Well maybe one way you could contribute back is simply by appreciating her more and just saying thank you so much for doing this. I notice you did this. Wow, that’s really great. Thanks so much. You know I really appreciate you cooking dinner tonight. That was wonderful. And, you know, women, you can and probably should do this with your men also, because according to John Grey, the relationship expert, the guy that wrote Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, I think he’s right, by the way, when he says that men really crave appreciation. We really, really do and if we get some appreciation from our partner then ah, we feel wonderful.

One of the big mistakes that women make is that they’re always criticizing their man, right? They’re always saying ah, you didn’t do this, you didn’t do this, you didn’t do this and that just like destroys a man’s motivation and energy. It kills it. Definitely for me too, but if you do the opposite instead of doing that, if you just start noticing all the ways your husband or boyfriend is contributing to you, all the little things. You know, just going to a job and making money that might be one. Maybe he takes you out to dinner. That’s nice; anything.

You could just contribute more yourself by appreciating and say thank you for doing that. I really appreciate that. That’s so helpful to me. It makes a big difference, it really does. Try it. Try it. And maybe outside of personal relationships just think, how could I contribute more with my heart and my mind? Maybe someone has a tough problem and you do some research for them. You send them some Internet links or some information that you found and say, hey, hopefully this will help you with your problem. I think it might be helpful. Even if it’s not helpful, they will appreciate that you cared. That’s what contribution is about most of all is just caring, so that’s another easy way you could contribute.

There are so many ways and what I want you to do is just, as you notice the ways you already contribute, you can start asking yourself well, what else could I do? How could I contribute a little more? How could I be a little more helpful? How could I make this person a little bit happier? What is it they really need? Could I help them with that? Just start asking yourself these questions. And you don’t have to do anything huge, it doesn’t require something gigantic, just lots of small, little things is all that’s necessary, okay?

So that’s step three, you start asking yourself constantly, how can I contribute more in my normal life with my coworkers, with my friends, all of that and really start focusing on this thing of contribution. And an important part of this, because I know I’ve talked about this topic before, is to notice the feeling, okay? I’m talking about it emotionally, so I really want you to notice how you feel when you do it and look at their reaction too. So I’m really focused on the emotional aspects of this.

And then the final part is I want you to think bigger and really think about how can you contribute to the world or society? So we’re talking about this idea of purpose again, talking about it from a little bit of a different perspective, a different angle, which is just this idea of generosity and giving. How can I give to the world instead of taking? We’re always trying to take, take, and take, right? I want more of this, I want more of this and, unfortunately, that’s the one thing about The Secret that can start to become a little selfish, I think.

I think it’s great, I do this to. You know I imagine my goals in the future and I visualize myself, you know, successful and doing all these great things. It helps and certainly it’s helped me grow more successful and have a great life, but it’s important that we not totally focus on that only because all of that is just about ourselves. It’s like, basically, I want this. I want this. I want this. I want this. Well, that’s fine, but we should also focus on what can I give. I want to give this. I want to give this. Maybe using the idea of The Secret, the book The Secret, you could visualize all the ways in the future you want to give.

Imagine doing that. Imagine using The Secret in that way. So you, each day, would think about, you know, buying a new house for your mother, for example, or doing something great and wonderful for your wife or husband or helping your best friend in some great fantastic way or serving your town or your community or some group of people in the world, whatever it is, but maybe you use The Secret for that.

You start visualizing and you see yourself actually doing this huge, big, wonderful, contribution to the world or to all these other people and you feel it as if it’s happening already now. And you feel that great sense, that great feeling of happiness and generosity and you see the happiness and gratitude in their face and every day you imagine this great thing, this great thing that you will do, this great way you will contribute and you think about it and you visualize it and you feel it every day as if it’s real, as if it’s already real now. That would be a powerful thing to do every day.

This is what I do, by the way, in terms of Effortless English. It’s not just thinking about the business. Sure I have business goals, I want to grow it. I want to have a certain number of members and blah, blah, blah. Yes, I do that, but what I really focus on is I imagine large groups of people. Like I’m in front of 500 people and they’re all smiling and they’re so happy and they’re learning and they’re so excited to have a new way of learning English and they’re helping each other and they’re meeting each other and connecting with each other and they’re making new friends.

Then I see them and imagine them going home and studying at home with these new methods and improving their English. And then I see and imagine them, you know, getting better jobs and having a better life and helping their families and helping themselves and meeting new friends around the world and traveling. I visualize and imagine all of this and I feel their happiness. Can you imagine the power that gives me?

That’s where my energy comes from when I get on a stage for a seminar and I go crazy and I’m jumping around and I seem like I’m Jim Carey or something. Also, it’s what gives me the power to constantly be thinking, how can I improve these seminars? How can I improve my teaching? How can I do it better? How can I do it better? How can I do it better? It’s not just an intellectual thing it’s emotional, okay? I visualize it. I feel the emotion of it. It’s coming from my heart and that is really what this about this month.

Yes, we’ve talked about, you know, leadership before and helping other people, but you’ve gotta’ realize that the power of that comes from your heart, not from your brain, okay? You’ve gotta’ feel the emotion. You’ve gotta’ imagine the emotion or big contributions you want to make in the future. You’ve gotta’ notice the emotion when you’re doing it right now. If you make a contribution right now to someone, small or big, you need to notice the feeling that you feel. It’s a good feeling, but if you just ignore it it’s not going to become stronger. But if you notice it, it will become stronger and that will make you want to contribute even more.

So this is about emotion this month. It’s the emotion of contribution and it all is driven from your heart. This is the engine of contribution. This is the engine of happiness. So this is your assignment this month. Focus on contribution and focus on it from your heart, not from your head. We’ve talked about a lot of stuff intellectually with our head in the VIP Program so far, this month heart.

So, number one, you’re going to notice all the ways you contribute. Every day when you make a small or a big contribution, every single time, notice that you’re doing it, realize, I’m making a contribution, yeah! And, number two, notice how you feel in that exact moment. As you make the contribution, how do you feel? Focus on your heart, it will help.

Number two, you’re going to focus on all the contributions you’re getting from other people, from the world, from the Universe, whatever it is and just feel the gratitude of that.

Number three, you’re going to ask, how can I contribute more to the people in my life in just small ways? What little extra things could I do with all the people in my normal daily life to contribute just a little more?

And then, number four, you’re going to dream big with contribution. You’re going to actually use the power of The Secret, which is just imaging a great future, but you’re not going to imagine it for yourself. You’re not going to wish for $1 million for yourself. What you’re going to do is you’re going to imagine giving and helping other people in some great wonderful way, something you dream of.

If it’s your mom you would love to really help then just imagine, what’s the greatest thing you could ever do for your mom? And then see yourself doing that. Maybe you’re buying her, her dream house or something. See that happening, see her happiness and, most of all, feel it. Feel the feeling from yourself of love and contribution and generosity. See the emotion in her face as if it’s happening now and then think of this. Image every day, every day, every day and one day it may happen. It may be you want to help refugees on the Burmese border. Then imagine that. Whatever it is, imagine it and feel it deeply every day.

Okay my special VIP. This is really what the VIP Program is about. Of course you’re improving your English every month when you listen to these lessons and listen to all this English and listen to the mini-stories. Great. I definitely want you to be more confident and you will be more confident, but it’s mostly about heart. It’s what happens deep inside.

The VIP Program is about depth, okay? It’s what’s happening deep inside of you. It’s not just little shallow goals of yeah; I learned 10 more vocabulary words. That’s great, but it doesn’t change your life, it doesn’t change other people’s lives and we want to change our lives for the better. We want to have great, happy, wonderful lives and we want to contribute to other people and help them have great, happy, wonderful lives too. So that’s our focus this month. From a very emotional standpoint, focus on contribution.

All right, I hope you have a great month. See you again, bye-bye.