ویپاسانا

Vipassana

It felt like two hot knives were stabbing me in the back– right into my kidneys. It was a burning pain– unavoidable.

As my mind scanned this area of my back, it imagined two white-hot spots searing through my flesh. My knees also burned. My ankles burned. My feet were numb with a dull ache. But my back was the worst.

I felt a wave of panic– butterflies in my stomach and a tremendous urge to get up and run away. I gulped, refocused my mind on the sensations in my body, and remained still.

I tried to follow the advisers’ instructions:

don’t flee from the pain, go deeply into it. My mind concentrated on the burning kidneys. I tried to observe the pain dispassionately. What was it exactly? What is pain? What exactly did it feel? How large was the painful area? How deep?

As I delved into the pain, an amazing thing happened– the panic and fear drained away. My body heaved suddenly with a long, slow, very deep breath. As I exhaled, I felt a deep sense of calm wash through me.

A natural, unforced smile crept onto my face. My mind remained focused and suddenly the intense pain didn’t seem “painful”. I noticed that the pain was, in fact, an area of more intense vibration— but I was no longer experiencing it as something to escape or avoid.

That was the moment I broke through– at the end of the 8th day of a 10-day Vipassana meditation course.

Vipassana is a form of meditation, sometimes translated to English as “Insight Meditation”. It consists of a deep and systematic observation of one’s mind and body. Vipassana has many variants and is taught by many different meditation schools, teachers, and groups.

The course I took followed the methods of S.N. Goenka. Goenka learned Vipassana in Burma and was so amazed by the transformations it caused in his life, he wanted to teach others. After some time, Goenka developed a 10-day course. The course is very intense. Participants do not speak during the course and they meditate from 4 AM to 9 PM, with only short breaks.

The focus of the course is on the direct experience and practice of meditation rather than theory or philosophy. Another unique aspect of the course is that it is free. At the end of the course, participants may give a donation if they wish to help others do the course– but this is voluntary and there is no coercion.

When I finished the course, I felt a powerful sense of calm. I felt centered.

My mind was clearer than it had ever been. The course was one of the most powerful experiences I’ve ever had in my life– and one of the most positive.

Unfortunately, that was almost 3 and a half years ago. Initially, I continued to meditate after the course. But slowly I got out of the practice. It’s been quite a while now.

As a result, I feel my mind and emotions have grown volatile and unstable again. Which, lately, has gotten me thinking about Vipassana.

There are Vipassana courses and centers all over the world, so it would be easy to find one.