Chapter 10 - 4

04 Psychology

Conflicts

Conflicts, whether minor or significant, are present in many parts of people’s lives.

While the necessity of conflict is common to all, the manners in which individuals solve their conflicts vary widely.

Many psychologists study what they have termed personal conflict styles.

While each style varies in many ways, three of them are generally considered negative conflict styles.

Called direct aggression, passive aggression, and nonassertive behavior, these styles are distinctly different and rarely solve a given conflict successfully.

Direct aggression can be understood as one of the most harmful conflict styles for both parties involved.

Direct aggression is considered a highly combative style, in which an individual verbally attacks the other person involved.

This may include verbal criticism of a person’s character or appearance, teasing, threats, and the use of intimidating body language.

This behavior can have various impacts both upon the aggressor and the other party.

Perhaps most obvious are the effects upon the target of the aggression.

Victims can feel sadness, humiliation, embarrassment, or even be driven to aggression themselves.

In a volatile situation, parties may be driven to physical violence, especially if both individuals use a style of direct aggression.

Thus, the original aggressor may be in danger of physical harm due to the use of an aggressive conflict style.

Rather than solving the conflict, aggression generally exacerbates a problem or introduces new conflicts.

To exemplify direct aggression, imagine an older brother who teases or embarrasses a little brother when he wants to play with the younger child’s toy.

While it is likely that the older brother will not get his way, even his success may lead to further problems.

Anger may grow in the younger brother, leading to an increase in conflict in the future.

A similar reliance upon aggressive behavior can be seen in the passive aggressive style.

In contrast with the obvious antagonism of direct aggressors, passive aggression can be understood as an indirect communication of hostility. Generally, individuals find roundabout ways to express aggression, often avoiding direct conflict.

Like direct aggression, passive aggressive behavior rarely has a positive effect upon the resolution of a conflict.

Generally, the aggressor struggles to convey displeasure with a given situation.

He or she attempts to send subtle messages to the other party, while perpetuating a front of friendliness.

While this pretense can often last for the duration of one or many conflicts, its eventual breakdown can cause strong feelings of anger or emotional pain in the aggressor’s victim.

For example, a girl may become angry at a friend.

However, instead of expressing her anger, she speaks negatively and spreads rumors about the friend to others, while remaining amiable to her face.

Thus, the conflict is not resolved.

The friend may not even realize that a conflict exists.

However, the friend may discover after some time that the girl is behind the rumors.

The conflict will understandably escalate after this point.

Like direct aggression, the passive aggressive style rarely leads to a successful resolution and, instead, create new conflicts.

Nonassertive behavior is another conflict style that is generally believed to engender negative results.

However, it can in some cases be successfully used to avoid minor conflicts.

Nonassertive behavior is defined as an unwillingness to participate in and solve a conflict.

Nonassertive behavior can be caused by a fear of the other person or a lack of self-confidence.

In general, nonassertive behavior manifests in one of two ways: through accommodation, in which the individual ignores his or her own needs in order to oblige the other party, or through avoidance, in which the individual simply refuses to face the conflict.

In either case, the individual believes that, by not dealing with the issue, it will simply go away.

In some situations, this behavior is successful. When faced with a very minor situation, many people who use nonassertive behavior can successfully avoid a more serious conflict by either staying away from or accommodating the other person.

However, this is rarely satisfying.

Also, such behavior can often lead to a worse problem, especially if the conflict involves recurring behavior.

For example, a roommate’s thumping bass may keep an individual up one night.

At first, the problem may seem minor.

But if the issue persists, the individual’s failure to confront the problem may lead to a resentment of the roommate.

In turn, this could harm a previously strong relationship.