مکالمه ی فعالانه قسمت ج

ACTIVE SPEAKING / PART C

YES OR NO

Stef Lewandowski says that he was a yes-man.

What does Stef say about himself? Stef says that he was a yes-man.

Naturally inclined to say “yes”, he often found himself stressed and without time for himself.

Did he have enough time for himself? No, he didn’t have enough time for himself. How did he feel? He felt stressed.

One day, he read an article written by a friend who vowed to make more space in his life by saying “no” more often.

Did he read an article by a friend? Yes, he read an article by a friend. What did his friend vow to do? His friend vowed to make more space in his life by saying “no” more often.

He ended the article with the wise words, “The power of your “yes” is defined by how often you say “no”.”

What did he say? He said, “The power of your “yes” is defined by how often you say “no”.” Do you think these words are wise?

Struck by the truth of his friend’s words, Stef became committed to saying “no” more himself.

Was he struck by the truth of his friend’s words? Yes, he was struck by the truth of his friend’s words. What did Stef become committed to saying more? Stef became committed to saying “no” more.

He turned investors down and declined invites to parties.

Who did he turn down? He turned investors down. What did he decline? He declined invites to parties.

He said “no” more often than he said “yes”.

Did he say “yes” more often than he said “no”? No, he didn’t say “yes” more often than he said “no”. He said “no” more often than he said “yes”.

All the while, he was nervous that he would lose friends, or that his business would suffer, but the opposite began to happen.

Was he nervous that he would lose friends? Yes, he was nervous he would lose friends. What else was he nervous about? He was also nervous that his business would suffer. Did his business suffer? No, his business didn’t suffer. The opposite began to happen.

His most important projects thrived.

What thrived? His most important projects thrived.

His group of friends became smaller, but closer.

Did his business become smaller? No, his business didn’t become smaller. His group of friends became smaller.

He noticed that people were less interested in whether he said “yes” or “no”, and more interested in whether or not he was being authentic in his response.

Were people more interested in whether or not he was being authentic? Yes, people were more interested in whether or not he was being authentic.

Saying “yes” all of the time may lead to unnecessary stress, while saying “no” too often can lead to isolation and loneliness, but what about just being honest?

What may lead to unnecessary stress? Saying “yes” all of the time may lead to unnecessary stress.

What can lead to isolation and loneliness? Saying “no” too often can lead to isolation and loneliness.

But what about just being honest? Saying how you really feel when you feel it?

Well, that’s exactly what A.J. Jacobs decided to do. For a full week he attempted to tell the truth about absolutely everything.

Did Jacobs attempt to tell the truth? Yes, Jacobs attempted to tell the truth. Did he attempt to tell the truth about everything? Yes, he attempted to tell the truth about everything. How long did he attempt to tell the truth about everything? He attempted to tell the truth about everything for a full week.

This included saying “yes” when he meant ”yes”, and saying “no” when he meant ”no”.

Did this include saying “yes” when he meant “yes” and saying “no” when he meant “no”?

Yes, this included saying “yes” when he meant “yes” and saying “no” when he meant “no”.

His experiment was inspired by a fringe movement called Radical Honesty, started by psychotherapist Brad Blanton.

Is Radical Honesty a fringe movement? Yes, Radical Honesty is a fringe movement. Who started Radical Honesty? Radical Honesty was started by psychotherapist Brad Blanton.

According to Brad, everyone would be happier if we all told the truth, all the time.

What does Brad think would happen if we all told the truth, all the time? Brad thinks everyone would be happier if we all told the truth, all the time.

Basically, he suggests saying whatever pops into your mind, without filtering it at all.

Does he suggest saying whatever pops into you mind? Yes, he suggests saying whatever pops into your mind. Do you often say whatever pops into your mind?

“If you think it, say it.” Brad even recommends telling your boss when you resent him, and telling your wife or husband when you have thoughts about other women or other men.

Did Brad say, “If you think it, say it”? Yes, Brad said, “If you think it, say it”. Do you think this is good advice?

He says it’s the “only path to authentic relationships.”

What is the only path to authentic relationships? Honesty is the only path to authentic relationships.