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Hi, I’m Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com, and I’m here with my husband, Dan

Hello.

. and we’re going to talk about birthdays today because .

It’s Vanessa’s birthday.

Yay.

Let’s get started.

Today my husband Dan and I are here on our wonderful back deck in nature with the birds and the bugs-

And the cicadas, apparently.

The cicadas are really loud.

Maybe you won’t hear it.

We’ll see.

. to have this natural conversation about birthdays.

I hope you’ll be able to immerse yourself in what we’re saying.

Feel free to click CC to view the full subtitles, so that you can catch every word we’re saying.

So, are you ready to get started with my first question?

Yes.

All right.

I have four questions today.

Oh boy.

One is what are typical birthday traditions in the US?

Which might be similar to your country, they might not.

And the second one is, what are children’s birthday celebrations like?

Like our childhoods.

What are adult birthday celebrations like?

And finally, what are the most important birthdays in the US?

So, which years are the most important?

And you’ll have to wait until the end of our lesson to find out.

So let’s start with that first one.

What are some typical birthday celebrations in the US?

Some typical traditions?

Yeah.

Well, I’d say there are lots of little different traditions you may do.

Sometimes there’re little games like, pin the tail on the donkey.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of this.

But the only tradition that almost always holds true is eating a dessert, usually a cake, and singing happy birthday and getting either a card or a present.

Yes, children are more likely to get presents, but adults might get presents too, at least a card from people you love.

Right, and this differentiates a lot depending on if it’s an adult or a child.

A child is more likely to get a lot more presents in America.

Yes.

And you’re a lot less likely to have a big party as an adult as well.

Yes.

Well, we’ll get to adult celebrations soon, but I want to set the stage for what happens when, for instance, you’re at a child’s birthday party, they’re turning seven years old, and you’ve just eaten probably pizza.

Typical birthday thing.

You’ve just eaten pizza and they say it’s time-

Yeah.

You don’t feel very good the day after.

Yeah, and they say “It’s time for cake.”

What happens?

You turn off the lights .

And you sing happy birthday.

But why do you turn off the lights?

Oh, so you could put candles in the cake.

Yeah, so usually the parents will be in the other room, secretly putting candles on the cake, and they’ll light them, so there’s fire, and then they’ll turn the lights off and all of the kids or all the people in the room will sing.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Vanessa.

Happy to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, to me.

Happy to you.

Yeah, so they’ll sing this song while the cake is coming out, and then the cake will be in front of the birthday person, and that birthday person will close their eyes.

And why are they closing their eyes?

Yeah, so we do this to make a wish, although I actually forgot about this because I haven’t really done that very much.

I think as a kid it meant more.

I mean, we did it as a joke, but as a kid, you’re always thinking, “I got to make a wish and then blow out my candles.”

It’s got to be a good one.

Yup.

And we usually say if you tell people what the wish is, it will never come true.

Mm, yes.

So it has to be a secret wish usually.

Maybe not every place in the US is the same, but you close your eyes, make a wish.

For example like, “I hope that I will get the best present for my birthday.”

I don’t know what kids wish for.

A new bike.

Yes, a new bike.

So, things that kids wish for, and then you blow out the candles, and that’s it.

Well, after you eat the cake, after you have pizza and a cake, usually it’s present time and open presents wrapped in wrapping paper.

And that’s about it.

That seems to be kind of the main tradition.

Yeah, that’s a standard tradition.

Yeah.

And then there’s a lot of little variances here and there.

Yeah.

I would like to add one tradition though to all birthdays around the world.

Well, we have two children, and when our oldest child had his first birthday, which you’ll find out soon is a very important birthday, I felt really emotional on his first birthday because I remembered all of the intense work that I needed to do during his birth.

So I gave birth to our son.

Me too.

Yes, it was really hard.

I did help a lot, but it was nothing compared to giving birth.

Yes.

So, I felt like this hard work and this emotional time that I had experienced when he was born, we don’t really include that in birthdays.

And I propose starting now that on birthdays, we include the mother in some kind of birthday tradition, maybe you country does this.

Yeah.

Some kind of celebration for the mother.

Yeah.

Just even if it’s a tradition of you blow out the candles and then say, “Thanks, mom, for giving birth to me.”

I feel like you both play an important part in that day.

So as somebody who has given birth two times, I would like to have that day be a special memory for me too, and to share with my child that this is what happened.

So, “Thank you mom, for giving birth to me.

Thank you for your hard work.”

All right.

Let’s go to the second category.

Second question, which is what are childhood birthdays like?

The next category we’re going to talk about are memorable birthdays.

And usually these are in your childhood, because birthdays as kids are bigger to do’s.

But who knows?

They might be also when you’re a little bit older.

So I’m curious when you were a kid, what was a typical birthday party like?

Or do you have any memorable birthdays?

Yeah, so my typical birthday party was not very big.

My mom didn’t typically go all out for most of my birthdays.

Although maybe once or twice, she really went kind of crazy.

Yes.

Like what?

One time she themed an entire party around space and the planets.

So all of my friends who came, I don’t know if it was exactly the same amount of people for planets, so we all put like stickers on our head, that was like, “I’m Saturn, I’m Jupiter,” and then we got to argue about what planets we were.

And I had-

The arguing was part of the party.

Of course.

That was fun.

And there was a little solar system hanging from the light.

So this is kind of an example of a themed party, which happens much, much more when you’re a child.

Yeah.

So when I was a kid, my mom almost always went all out and I don’t think it was because I asked her to, I think it was more just, that’s what she really enjoyed doing.

She enjoyed having a big celebration for my birthday.

I remember one time, I actually have video footage of this, I don’t know if I can figure out how to edit it in here so you can see.

You should.

But she had all of the girls from my, maybe, first grade class, come over and she did our hair like this with braids, at each girl’s hair.

She did makeup on each girl.

I think we might’ve even painted our fingernails, and we made bows for our hair, we had crafted bows.

Vanessa’s Sister: Happy birthday.

Vanessa’s sister: And I’m going to eat all the cake.

Vanessa’s Dad: You are going to eat the whole cake, Charisse?

Vanessa’s sister: And I’m going to put on make up.

Vanessa’s Dad: Can anyone else have a piece?

Vanessa’s Mom: There you go, you look great.

Okay.

All: Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Vanessa.

Happy birthday to you.

Vanessa’s Mom: I love you.

Blow your candles.

There’s more.

There.

Vanessa’s Mom: Good job.

Try that last one.

Vanessa’s Dad: One more.

Vanessa’s Mom: Good job.

Oh, I love you sweet heart.

I remember another party, she rented a horse, it was like a little pony.

And it came to our house in a trailer and the owner walked it around our yard and each kid got to sit on the back of the horse That’s pretty awesome.

. and have a pony ride.

And was our first year living in South Carolina where we moved to, and it was my first week of school, because September 4th, my birthday is usually the first week of school.

So I had just met all these kids in my class and now they were at my house and having a fun party.

So good job mom, organizing that.

I want to ask.

Do you think it was usually your mom who wanted to have parties like this?

Yeah.

Definitely.

We are saying moms, but.

Well, because my dad worked a lot, especially when I was a kid, it’s basically up to my mom to organize anything around the house, so it’s a very traditional setup.

She was assumed to be the birthday lady.

Now we’re talking about birthday parties, but what about births?

Births?

Do you have any interesting experiences either, when you were born-

Yes, when Theo was born.

When Theo was born.

Our child, yes definitely.

Our children were memorable.

Or when your siblings were born?

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Yeah.

Tell me about that.

Well, I don’t remember when I was born.

But I was born on April 1st, so I always hear the story about.

Oh, and by the way, April 1st is called April fool’s day, where people play pranks on each other in America.

So when my mom called her parents and said, “I just had my baby,” they didn’t believe her.

“No, you didn’t April fool’s day.

You didn’t have your baby.”

“No really.”

And so that was always kind of an ongoing issue with my birthdays as a child, because people would play a prank on me.

And I would forget because I’m like, “This is my birthday.

It’s not April fool’s day.”

But it is.

So I got pranked a lot.

Also when my sister was born, I’m not sure I remember the day exactly.

You were three years old, probably.

Yeah.

Okay.

I was a little over three years old, but this is how much I cared about my sister being born.

I care a lot now, but apparently when I was three years old, I was interested in other things.

So my mom called my grandparents, who I was staying with and said, “Congratulations, Daniel, you have a sister.”

And I said, “Well, grandma made me a hot dog.”

You’re telling me one important thing.

I’m telling you another important.

So this is my reply to my sister being born, that, “I have a hot dog.

You have a baby.

These things are the same.”

Cool.

Yeah.

It’s a very, a three year old Daniel mind.

So for me, when I was a kid, we had these big parties, but then as I got a little bit older, like middle school, high school, they became more centered around my close friends, two or three friends.

And I have a very special couple memories, mainly as a high schooler, maybe it was also in middle school, where my family would go on a specific hike each year.

And this hike, we go on to that same hike as a family now, but this hike is special because-

It’s beautiful.

. around September 4th, there are lots of blueberries in season.

And that means that the top of the mountain is covered in wild blueberry bushes.

And then around this time, in the end of summer, beginning of fall, the blueberries are ripe.

So we would go to the top of the mountain and pick blueberries with our best friend’s family.

And on the top of the mountain, they would sing happy birthday to me.

That’s a good birthday.

Yeah, it was so.

I have such nostalgic feelings when I think about that, because to me, that’s what I like now as an adult, which we’ll talk about in just a moment.

But that’s what I like now with a birthday.

It’s with the close people I care about, it’s doing something simple, some kind of memory, something like this that is. something you’re probably really going to remember.

So let’s take that to transition to our next topic, which is, Adult Birthdays, or now that you’re an adult, what do you do?

So let’s talk about that.

Now I want to ask about birthdays now that we are adults.

We’re not children who have parents creating birthday parties for us.

So what are birthdays like for you now, when you are an adult?

As an adult.

So as an adult, it can run a wide spectrum.

So I don’t think people have parties as much.

It just depends on the individual.

For me personally, we don’t really throw a party for me.

Maybe I’ll get together with my parents, maybe I’ll get together with some friends, but we don’t really invite a lot of friends over to have a big party.

And that’s just a personal choice.

It’s not wrong, if you are living in the US and you’re wondering, should I invite friends over to my house for my birthday?

Is that just for children?

No, it’s fine.

If you want to have a celebration, that’s totally fine, as an adult.

It’s just our personal preference to keep things small, simple.

And I think in general, for us, we opt to give gifts that are experiences.

Yeah.

Do something.

Yeah.

Well maybe go to a nice restaurant together or we’ll go to a new location that we haven’t visited before.

Or like you said, we’ll go to your parents’

house and they’ll make us some dinner or something special.

Food.

Yes.

That’s probably the most common thing for us now.

And it’s still very common to get a gift or at least a card.

However, if you have a partner, then a lot of times you’re going to give something extra.

That’s going to be your special gift.

For example, when I was in college, Vanessa sent me a really awesome gift.

She actually shot me a video of people at our college that we used to both go to, but we were actually separated at this time, I don’t know why.

I was a little bit sad, so I made you a video.

She made me a personal video about all our friends saying happy birthday to me.

And she put it together and sent it to me in the mail, and I got it at my college and I watched it.

And we were broken up, so I probably cried.

Yeah.

Well, I think this was a pretty difficult present actually, because it was a time when it was kind of tough to find anything to record a video with.

So I had to borrow my friend’s cheap camera to record it.

This was back in the day.

My laptop was really old.

I remember I had to send it to the computer services, tech support at our college, four times just to edit one video.

And I filmed our friends saying, “Happy birthday, Dan.

You’re a great guy,” and then I would film another friend saying the same thing.

And it was something to hopefully help you feel loved.

And it worked, we got married.

It was a very good Vanessa.

Yes, that worked.

It’s was a great Vanessa style video.

Something personal that takes some effort, but it’s thoughtful.

And I don’t do that for every birthday, but it’s something that’s really from the heart.

So now that today is my birthday, at least when you’re watching it is my birthday.

What are we going to do for my birthday Dan?

Well, there are still some surprises.

However, I’m going to be making a dessert with my toddler Theo, so it should be interesting.

And we’re going to make it into some shapes.

I don’t know, it’s still a surprise, so I don’t want to give everything away, but we’ll be making a dessert with my toddler.

Yeah.

And we’ll probably have a candle or two or maybe 33 candles, I don’t know how many we have in the kitchen and then I’ll blow them out.

And that’s a typical birthday celebration.

That’s her birthday.

Yeah.

I think especially this year, we’re not doing that much for my birthday, because it was our 10 year wedding anniversary, a couple of weeks ago.

And so we celebrated that anniversary and my birthday is just kind of extra.

Yeah.

So I’d like to ask you my final question.

What do you think are the most important birthdays in the US?

So this is a cultural thing, but if you were to say, “It’s my 20th birthday next week,”

would that be a big birthday.

It wouldn’t be 20th, but it would be 21st birthday.

Yes.

So let’s start at the beginning of life and then we’ll get to 21st.

So what do you think?

Yeah.

So I don’t think there’s any universally accepted important birthday.

Although it seems like a lot of mothers celebrate first birthday, as being very important.

At least the mothers we hang around.

I would say that it’s becoming more common that the first birthday of a child is a big event.

You invite all your family, all your friends, the kid doesn’t care, they’re just one year old, they don’t even know what a birthday is.

They’ll be happy to eat cake.

Yeah.

But it’s kind of a celebration of, “We survived one year.”

So first birthday is generally a big event.

And I would say the next one would be your 16th birthday, especially girls.

Yeah.

Although I think this may be dying out a bit.

I don’t know.

We still say, we have songs about sweet 16.

We don’t know many 16 year olds right now.

That’s true.

So I don’t know if it’s still common, but when we were kids, that was a big birthday.

I don’t remember throwing an extra big party for myself or my sister at 16, but people do still really set aside the 21st birthday as a big birthday.

And that is mostly because in America you were allowed to drink alcohol at 21.

So I think this is the entire reason why people say, “21, Oh man, you’ve made it.

Now you can go out and drink in public.”

Does that mean that people do not drink before they’re 21?

No people still drink before 21, but.

But this is kind of a moment where you feel like, “I’m an adult.

I’m allowed to drink,” like you said, in public at this point, or it is legally acceptable for me to drink.

So I think your first birthday, 16th especially for girls, the 21st, definitely.

Maybe 18th.

18th?

18th is legal adulthood.

He does legal adulthood, but I don’t feel like there’s a celebration specifically for that.

Usually you celebrate graduating high school around that time, and that might be a bigger celebration than your birthday in my opinion.

But I think the US is so diverse with so many different cultures and traditions and backgrounds, that everyone is going to celebrate this in a somewhat different way.

But from our experience first 16th, the 21st.

And then I would say there’s a big jump to 40th birthday.

So between 21 and 40, not so important, but what is the term for your 40th birthday?

Yes.

You are over the Hill.

So let’s explain what this means.

Over the Hill means.

40, everything’s downhill after that.

Yes.

Your average lifespan is 80 years old.

So when you’re 40, you’re kind of going up, up, up the Hill and then you’re 40 and now it all goes down.

So this is kind of morbid.

It’s kind of dark humor.

It’s dark humor.

So if you go to the grocery store, typical grocery stores in the US, have a section with flowers and balloons and party supplies, all of the 40th birthday supplies, are black and gray.

Sometimes they have a gravestone on them like, “Oh, you’re going to the grave,” so it’s very dark.

They might even have a section that says, “Over the Hill.”

Over the hill.

This is a very specific moment.

And it’s just a joke because usually when you’re 40, you’re still feeling pretty young, but it’s just a joke.

So 40 is the next big birthday.

And after that, I was trying to think if there’s actually a specifically big birthday, and what do you think?

I think every decade, you just get more sarcastic jokes about your age.

So when you’re 70 and 80 and 90.

You just get cards that have more jokes about your age.

That’s my experience with it, not that I’m that old, but with my grandparents, what we would get them.

Yeah.

I think that when you’re a hundred, there’s probably a special Centennial party.

But I know for example, for your great grandmother, when she turned 90, all of the family, there were dozens of people, got together and had a big birthday party for her.

Because if you live to be 100 years old, that’s pretty unusual.

Very unusual.

So when she turned 90, that was like, “Oh, that’s great.

Let’s all get together and celebrate.”

But she almost made it.

I think she was 96 or something.

Yeah.

She had a really awesome long life.

So in this way, after your 40th birthday, there’s not really a big cultural celebration, but it’s just up to your family, what they want to celebrate.

Well, thanks so much for celebrating my birthday today with me, and thanks for joining me, Dan.

You’re welcome.

I hope that you enjoyed this conversation.

I hope that you learned some vocabulary.

You got to immerse yourself in listening to English.