11 Track 11

Unit 9

The Changing Family

Chapter 1

Is an Only Child a lonely Child?

Page 149

Is an Only Child a lonely Child?

This month and Modern Family, child psychologist Dr. Ethan Stevens answers a question from Andrea Gonzales, who writes:

Dear Dr. Stevens,

My husband and I are facing a dilemma, namely, the issue of whether to have a second child. We already have one healthy, happy five-year-old son.

Both of us have demanding jobs and limited time and financial resources, but we also want to make sure that our only child does not become a lonely child. What the pros and cons of having a second child?

Dear Andrea,

This is one of the most difficult issues that parents nowadays face. As you point out, a concern that is often heard with regard to only children is whether one child necessarily means a lonely child.

Many parents feel a stigma associated with their decision to have only one child, fearing they are seen as thinking only about themselves as opposed to about their child’s well-being.

There are no other children in the family for the child to associate with, which may lead to the child feeling lonely, especially if both parents are working.

Another common argument against having just one child is that an only child may be more spoiled than one with siblings. Many people believe that a single child will not have learned to negotiate with others or respect the give-and-take involved in many relationships.

Some think this may leave the child less capable of interacting well with people his or her own age than one who is been raised with siblings.

Your son is not alone in being an only child. There’s an increasing trend for choosing to have only one child for the very same reasons you listed. In South Korea, for example, the percentage of families with only one child is higher than ever.

This follows a general trend in Asia where in many countries − including Japan, China, Singapore, and Thailand − couples are having on average fewer than two children.

Advocates of single-child families argue that there are advantages for the child as well as the parents. With just one child, they suggest, there is less potential for family arguments arising from sibling jealousy or parents favoring one child, over the other(s).

Moreover, with only one child, the parents can afford to give more quality time and attention. This often leads to increased self-esteem, which, combined with increased independence, can lead to the child being more confident.

There are a number of ways that parents can help to ensure that their only child doesn’t get lonely. Here are some suggestions for parenting an only child:

Let them be social. Children need friends their age and playing in a group encourages skills like sharing, teamwork, and patience.

Find ways for your child to socialize, such as play groups, sports, or summer camp. Welcome challenges. Only children learn to do many things for themselves, though they will need your help for some things. Encourage your child to challenge himself by solving problems independently.

Alone time is okay, too. As much as you want to help your child interact well with others, don’t worry too much about a child who is content to keep to himself. Time spent alone contributes to personality development and decision-making skills.

Unfortunately, Andrea, there is no simple answer to the question of whether or not to have a second child. The circumstances affecting each set of parents are unique; I always believe what is appropriate for one family may not be for another.

The important thing, in the end, is to make a decision that both you and your husband feel confident about.